#252 - Letting Go of Anger

If you’ve ever told yourself, “I’ll finally relax when my relationship is better, my house is cleaner, my body looks different, my career is farther along,” this conversation is for you and me both. As we step into the holiday season - a time that invites reflection, gratitude, and sometimes a little extra pressure - I’m revisiting this episode because the message is timeless. We’re talking about cultivating contentment in the life you actually have, not some upgraded future version of it, and how to feel more at peace inside yourself without giving up your dreams, your drive, or your big, beautiful goals. We’ll look at the difference between quick hits of happiness and that steadier “all is well in my world” feeling, the paradox of being an ambitious human who also wants to enjoy today, and some very practical ways to take inventory of your life, question old beliefs about worth and achievement, and stop outsourcing your emotional climate to your circumstances. As you listen, I’d love for you to consider: What have you been making your happiness conditional on? And what might change if today, messy and imperfect as it is, actually counted as a good life? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction to Contentment 04:24 The Pursuit of Happiness vs. Contentment 10:56 Understanding Contentment 20:36 The Paradox of Growth and Contentment 22:29 Taking Inventory for Contentment 29:17 Exploring Core Beliefs and Values 32:55 The Impact of Negative Thinking 37:10 Contentment and Happiness 40:37 The Illusion of Circumstantial Happiness 46:20 The Journey of Personal Growth 52:32 Finding Joy in the Process of Life If you’re noticing how long you’ve been living in “when things are different, then I’ll be okay,” and you’d like a thoughtful partner while you practice something healthier, I’d love to connect with you. You can schedule a consultation with me or a member of my team; it’s a private, secure space where you can tell us what’s really been going on in your world and what you’re hoping will feel different. We’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can feel more grounded, more understood, and more free to enjoy the life you’re in while you grow into what’s next. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

27 Nov 1h 2min

This time of year brings a lot of togetherness… and with it, a lot of unspoken tension. Difficult conversations are the ones you rehearse in your mind or hold back during holiday dinners, worried that saying the wrong thing could create a rift you can’t repair. That’s why I’m re-releasing this episode on how to have difficult conversations in a way that protects your relationship (and often deepens it) instead of pushing you further apart. We’ll talk about why we either avoid hard topics until resentment leaks out, or bring them up in a burst of anger and criticism, and how both patterns wear down trust over time. You’ll learn what it actually takes to do this differently: managing emotional flooding, getting honest with yourself before you speak, knowing when a conversation is worth having (and when it’s time to set a firm boundary), and shifting the goal from “winning” to mutual understanding so you can stay connected even when you don’t agree. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Navigating Difficult Conversations 06:07 Emotional Intelligence & Self-Regulation 17:49 When to Set Boundaries and Walk Away 21:00 Growth Through Discomfort 27:05 Preparing for Hard Conversations 29:53 Seeing Through Others’ Eyes 36:08 Handling Polarized Views 42:09 Reciprocity & Healthy Relationships If this episode brings a specific conversation to mind and your stomach flips a little just thinking about it, I have a resource to support you. My Communication That Connects free training takes you deeper into the skills we cover here - practical do’s and don'ts for communication that creates understanding, plus real examples you can use with your partner right away. You’ll also receive a full workbook with lessons, activities, and homework to help you get to the root of conflict, calm reactive patterns, and build a more emotionally safe connection.  And if you’re at the point where you don’t want to keep doing this alone, I’d be honored to support you more directly. At Growing Self, you can tell us what’s going on in your life and relationships, and we’ll help you connect with the right therapist or coach on my team. It’s a simple, private way to say, “Here’s what I’m struggling with,” and get matched with someone who can walk through it with you. Start that process here: schedule a consultation. You deserve relationships where you can say the hard things, feel truly heard, and still feel loved at the end of the day. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

24 Nov 58min

AI has woven itself into our daily lives so quietly and so quickly that many of us don’t even realize how emotionally attached we’re becoming to it... and your AI chatbot might be destroying the way you connect & communicate in your relationships in real life. My guest, Dr. Rachel Wood, a licensed counselor with a PhD in cyberpsychology, helps us make sense of why AI feels so safe, so comforting, and in some cases so intimate, and what it means for our real relationships when a chatbot becomes the place we go to feel understood. We talk about the very real appeal of an AI companion that never gets tired, never gets defensive, and always seems to “get” you. And we also talk about the moments when that dynamic crosses into something unhealthy: when an omnibot becomes your therapist, your best friend, your partner, and your decision-maker… all at once. Rachel shares examples of how dependency forms, how delusions can develop, and why our relational and cognitive “muscles” matter more than ever in this new landscape. This conversation isn’t anti-AI. It’s about staying awake, staying human, and staying connected to ourselves and to each other while we navigate a technology that is becoming surprisingly personal. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 How AI Is Changing Human Relationships 09:20 The Spectrum of AI Relationships 20:18 Cognitive Offloading and Its Real-World Consequences 27:31 Using AI for Growth Without Losing Agency 32:59 When AI Becomes a Dependency 37:07 The Dangers of AI Escalation: A Suicidality Case Study 43:03 AI in Therapy: Tool or Replacement? 51:16 How to Support Someone Attached to Their AI If you’re listening to this and realizing you may be leaning on AI a little more than feels good, or maybe you’re worried about someone you love, please know you’re not alone. These are tender places, and they deserve real, caring support. If you’d like a safe space to sort through what’s coming up for you, or if you’re craving more connection and clarity in your relationships, I’d love to help you get started. You can schedule a consultation with me or someone on my team. Tell us what’s on your heart and what you’re hoping for. We’ll help you get matched with the right support so you can feel steady, understood, and empowered again. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

20 Nov 1h 3min

The holiday season is so challenging when you’re dealing with relationship loss. That’s why I am re-releasing this episode on how to manage a breakup or divorce through the holiday season. This time of year can stir up old feelings, magnify loss, and make you question whether you’ll ever feel like yourself again - and that’s exactly why this conversation still matters. It can feel especially brutal when you’re going through a breakup over the holidays. Everyone else is in goofy sweaters and twinkle lights, and you’re just trying to get through the day without crying in the bathroom. In this episode, I’m talking with you about why you still feel hooked on your ex (even if you know the relationship needed to end), how love can function like an addiction in your brain, and why this season tends to rip everything wide open emotionally. I walk you through the stages of healing after a breakup - from that torturous ambivalence where part of you is still hoping, to the grief of finally letting go, to the anger, guilt, and self-doubt that can sneak up on you later - and then into rebuilding your self-esteem, finding some inner peace, and eventually growing into a wiser, stronger version of yourself. As you listen, I want you to be gently asking yourself, Where am I in this process? What do I actually need right now: space, support, boundaries, or a little nudge back into life? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Coping with Loss During the Holidays 10:15 Understanding the Emotional Impact of Breakups 16:33 Navigating the Stages of Healing 18:34 The Ambivalence Stage: Letting Go 22:15 Emotional Freedom: Grieving and Moving On 28:01 Rebuilding Self-Esteem After a Breakup 31:15 Finding Inner Peace and Moving Forward 34:29 Growth: Learning from the Experience If you’re listening to this and thinking, I can’t do this by myself anymore, I would be truly honored to support you. You can schedule a consultation with me or a member of my team. It’s a private, secure place to tell us what’s been going on for you - the grief, the intrusive thoughts about your ex, the way the holidays are stirring everything back up - and we’ll help you get matched with the right expert so you don’t have to figure this out alone. Thousands of people have used this first step to begin healing their hearts and rebuilding their lives, and you can too. If your heart is saying, I’m ready for some real support, consider this my personal invitation to reach out. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

17 Nov 42min

Let’s get honest for a second. Porn addiction isn’t really about sex. It’s about connection… about loneliness, shame, and the ache to feel close to something when life feels empty or overwhelming. My guest for this episode, Sathiya Sam, knows that pain deeply. After a 15-year struggle with porn addiction, he rebuilt his life and now helps others do the same through his Deep Clean program - a compassionate, science-meets-spirituality approach that helps people stop using porn and start building real connection again. We’re talking about what really drives addiction, the role of purpose and community in recovery, how to protect kids in this new digital world, and what AI “relationships” mean for the future of intimacy. It’s a deep, human conversation about healing, hope, and the real work of reclaiming yourself. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Porn Addiction Is About Connection, Not Willpower 01:17 Sathiya Sam’s Recovery Story and Deep Clean Method 07:21 Purpose, Boredom, and the Root Causes of Porn Use 13:44 Protecting Kids From Early Exposure 18:24 AI, Loneliness, and Synthetic Intimacy 30:11 Healing Through Community and Real Connection 34:32 Why Your Partner Shouldn’t Be Your Accountability Partner 39:34 First Steps to Quit Porn for Good Sometimes the hardest part is admitting you need a little help, and the bravest thing you can do is take that first step. If you’re ready to start your own growth and healing journey, you can get support from Sathiya here: https://www.sathiyasam.com/growing-self. Let them know Dr. Lisa sent you! ❤️ You don’t have to carry this by yourself. Real change is possible… and it starts with connection. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self P.S. I’d also love to hear what resonated for you or what ideas you’d like me to explore next. Let’s keep the conversation going!

13 Nov 50min

What if the guilt you’ve been trying to shake is a guiding light for better relationships? We spend so much energy trying not to feel guilty, about losing our temper, missing a call, falling short in some way, but guilt isn’t proof that you’re broken. It’s proof that you care. In this episode, I talk with psychologist Dr. Chris Moore about how guilt can actually help you heal your relationships, reconnect with your empathy, and live in alignment with your values. Here’s a peek at what we cover: 00:00 Guilt Is Good: Why Feeling Guilty Can Heal Relationships 01:54 The Guilt Cocktail: Empathy, Anxiety, and Self-Anger 08:24 Guilt vs. Shame: How to Tell the Difference 13:43 Turning Guilt Into Repair: Apology and Forgiveness 16:48 When You Can’t Fix It: Guilt, Grief, and Self-Forgiveness 23:27 Moral Injury, Trauma, and Survivor Guilt 28:37 Chronic Guilt: Why Women Feel It More 33:12 How to Reframe Guilt and Use It as a Guide 41:13 Guilt Means You Care If something in this conversation stirred your heart, maybe an old regret or a relationship you’d love to mend, you don’t have to sort through it alone. You can schedule a consultation with me or a member of my team at Growing Self. It’s a warm, private space to talk about what’s been weighing on you, get help managing guilt in a healthy way, and start moving forward with self-forgiveness and clarity. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

10 Nov 45min

Have you ever said yes when every part of you was quietly screaming no? Or pushed through your day on fumes, wondering where your energy went? We’ve all been there - doing a million things that look productive but leave us totally drained. In this episode, I’m talking with psychologist and author Dr. Diana Hill about how to reclaim your energy and focus by using them wisely. Diana’s new book, Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most, is about learning to tell the difference between what fuels you and what quietly burns you out. We get into how to recognize “unwise effort” - those moments when you’re forcing, overdoing, or holding on too tight - and how to reconnect with your genius energy, that natural flow that feels effortless and alive. She also shares simple ways to check in with yourself: a 24-hour “regret scan” to see where your energy went off-track, and four questions to help you decide what’s actually worth your time, attention, and heart. It’s all about being intentional, not perfect, and remembering that the most powerful thing you can do is choose where your energy goes. As you listen, notice where your energy feels pulled, and what choices leave you feeling lighter, freer, more yourself. What are you still holding on to that’s quietly exhausting you? And what would it look like to let that go? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 What Is Wise Effort and Why Energy Matters 02:50 Three Patterns That Drain Your Energy 07:04 Finding Your Genius Energy 11:04 Regret as a Compass for Wise Energy 22:00 The Four-Question Filter for Wise Decisions 29:39 How Relationships Affect Your Energy 42:30 Reclaiming Energy and Focus Through Wise Effort If you’ve been feeling scattered or depleted, this may be your moment to pause and realign. Working with one of our expert therapists or coaches can help you understand where your energy and focus are going - and guide you toward choices that feel more grounded, intentional, and restorative. Schedule your free consultation to start creating the balance you’ve been craving. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

6 Nov 48min

Have you ever asked yourself, “When does ‘my money’ become ‘our money’?” It’s one of those questions couples don’t really face until tension starts to build. And by then, it’s rarely about the dollars. It’s about fairness, power, and feeling seen. In this episode, I’m joined by Heather and Douglas Boneparth, the power couple behind Bone Fide Wealth Management, and co-authors of their new book, Money Together: How to Find Fairness in Your Relationship and Become an Unstoppable Financial Team. We talk about what really happens when love meets money - the unspoken expectations, the invisible labor, and the stories we tell ourselves about who’s “earning” more or contributing “enough.” Heather and Douglas share their own wake-up moment during the pandemic, when their careers and family roles shifted and resentment started creeping in. We explore what it means to honor each other’s time as a form of currency, how to rebuild balance when things feel uneven, and why fairness doesn’t always mean splitting everything 50/50. As you listen, think about what fairness looks like in your relationship. How do you value each other’s time, effort, and care? And what might change if you started talking about money as a shared story instead of a scoreboard? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 When Does My Money Become Our Money? 01:03 Why Couples Fight About Money 08:39 Time Is a Currency 15:29 From “Me” to “We” 21:24 Mistakes vs. Missteps 23:56 Different Definitions of “Enough” 28:12 “My Money” vs. “Our Money” 39:09 Practical Playbook: Money Dates & Goal Alignment 44:45 Case Study: Inheritance & Grief 51:03 When to Seek Financial Therapy for Couples There's a ton of great information in this podcast AND it’s also true that talking about money and creating agreement in your financial relationship can be very tricky for many couples. You don't have to go it alone. One of the things my practice is known for is financial therapy for couples, specifically. If this is a current pain point in your relationship, I hope you get in touch with us and allow us to guide you through the process of creating alignment around all parts of your life, including financials. Here’s the link to learn more, and set up a free consultation. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

3 Nov 55min