#302 - Feeling Lonely In a Relationship? How to Reconnect.

If overwhelm has become your constant companion - the thing you wake up with, carry through your day, and fall asleep thinking about - your well-being is trying to tell you something. In this episode, we’re unpacking why happiness can feel so far away when stress keeps running the show, and how you can manage what’s on your plate without sacrificing yourself in the process. If you’re longing to feel happier, love yourself more deeply, and finally declutter the parts of your life that feel too heavy, you are absolutely in the right place! My guest, author and Afro-minimalist Christine Platt (Less Is Liberation: Finding Freedom From a Life of Overwhelm), shares how her “normal” busy life quietly turned into a health crisis, and how she began seeing overwhelm as her body’s way of saying, Hey, one of your wells is empty. We talk about the five foundations of wellness (your “personal wells”), the emotional labor and mental load so many women carry, and how learning to declutter your stuff, your schedule, and your beliefs can help you manage stress more wisely and reconnect with a sense of happiness in your daily life. We also get into the messy real-world pieces: overwhelm by circumstance (divorce, money, kids, career), people-pleasing, the guilt around saying no, and why so many of us overbuy and hang onto clutter “just in case.” As you listen, notice: Which of your wells has been running low? What are you still trying to prove by doing so much? And what would “less” need to look like for your life to feel more like your life again? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Constant Overwhelm and Stress: What Your Body Is Trying to Tell You 03:03 Chronic Overwhelm and Hypertension: When Stress Becomes a Health Crisis 05:51 Five Foundations of Wellness: The “Personal Wells” Framework 09:45 Emotional Labor and Mental Load: Why Women Feel So Overwhelmed 12:30 Minimalism as Liberation: Living With Less to Reduce Overwhelm 16:06 Time Scarcity and Productivity: Limiting Beliefs That Keep You Overwhelmed 18:29 Messengers and Limiting Beliefs: Redefining “Selfish” Self-Care 25:32 Overwhelmed by Circumstance: Divorce, Scarcity, and Minimalism by Necessity 32:26 Psychology of Ownership: Why We Overbuy, Hoard, and Accumulate Clutter 42:51 Inner Work Before Decluttering: Healing People-Pleasing and Attachment to Stuff 48:47 Filling Your Wells: Daily Practices for Sustainable Wellness and Well-Being If you’re living in that constant state of overwhelm, please know you don’t have to sort this out on your own. At Growing Self, you can talk with someone about what’s really happening - the stress, the burnout, the clutter on the outside and the inside - and get matched with a therapist or coach who truly understands what you’re carrying. Schedule a consultation today! You deserve a life that feels lighter and more intentional, where you can manage stress wisely, feel happier in your day-to-day reality, and genuinely love yourself in how you care for your time, your space, and your emotional well-being. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

8 Dec 202556min

Wondering if your mother-in-law is just “a lot,” or if you’re actually dealing with a truly toxic mother-in-law situation? You are so not the only one lying awake replaying her comments and wondering what to do when this relationship feels way too involved in your marriage and family. In this episode, we’re talking about how a toxic mother-in-law dynamic starts to erode your sense of safety at home. Dr. Tracy Dalgleish - clinical psychologist, couples therapist, and author of You, Your Husband and His Mother - joins me to talk honestly about what happens when your partner is still emotionally tied to his mom, you’re trying to build a healthy new family, and you keep getting caught in the middle. We look at why some moms struggle to let go, why so many women end up over-functioning for everyone, and why so many men freeze or minimize when it’s time to set boundaries with a toxic mother-in-law… and then we talk about what you can do: becoming a united “vault” as a couple, setting real boundaries instead of endless “requests,” and getting clear on your options when the dynamic with your mother-in-law is starting to feel unbearable. Here’s how we walk through it together: 00:00 Why Mother-in-Law Conflicts Hurt Communication and Connection 03:14 Dr. Tracy’s Story and Why She Wrote “You, Your Husband and His Mother” 05:24 Mother–Son Bonds, Gender Roles, and the Roots of Toxic Mother-in-Law Dynamics 11:03 Unhealthy Family Patterns: Control, Enmeshment, and Emotional Caretaking of Mom 20:56 Overfunctioning Wives, Underfunctioning Husbands, and the Mother–Child Dynamic 24:39 The VAULT Method: Becoming a United Couple and Setting Boundaries with In-Laws 30:48 Requests vs Boundaries: What Really Works with a Toxic Mother-in-Law 51:41 Change, Accept, or Leave: Your Choices in a Toxic Mother-in-Law Situation If this stirs up a very specific conversation with your partner (or a replay of your last holiday with his mom) and your chest tightens a little, I have something for exactly that moment. My Communication That Connects training walks you through the evidence-based do’s and don’ts of communication that actually creates understanding instead of more defensiveness and hurt. I’ll help you get clear about the real issues under your fights, give you a framework you can start using right away with your partner, and walk you step-by-step through how to have hard conversations in a way that protects your emotional bond instead of tearing it down. And if you’re at the point where you’re thinking, “I don’t want to keep holding this all together by myself,” I would be genuinely honored to support you more directly. At Growing Self, you can privately tell us what’s going on with your marriage, your mother-in-law, your family, and we’ll help you connect with the right therapist or coach on my team. It’s a simple, secure way to raise your hand and say, “Here’s what I’m struggling with, please point me to the right person.” You can start that process anytime by scheduling a consultation. You deserve a family life that feels safe, sane, and loving, even if your extended family is… a lot. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

4 Dec 20251h 9min

If your relationship is stuck in a painful communication breakdown, I want you to know you’re not crazy and you’re not alone. In this episode, I’m sharing how the right solution-focused therapy techniques can start shifting the energy between you, even if things feel really bad right now. I’m joined by solution-focused brief psychotherapist and author of Change Your Questions, Change Your Future, Elliott Connie, and we’re talking about why endlessly analyzing what went wrong rarely creates the change you’re craving. Instead, we look at how hope, better questions, and small, intentional acts of love can reopen doors that you were pretty sure were slammed shut: from a “hopeless” divorced couple who ended up with ten beautiful years of remarried life, to the quiet experiment of really studying your partner and giving them more of what you know makes them feel loved. Along the way, we wrestle with the hard stuff too: blame, “I’m the victim here,” boundaries vs. checking out, and whether you’re people-pleasing or simply showing up as the kind of partner you want to be. As you listen, I’d love for you to ask yourself: If hope came back into this relationship, what would actually be different between us? And who do I want to be in that story? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Relationships Really Fail: Losing Hope, Not Love 01:19 Solution-Focused Therapy vs Traditional Couples Counseling 06:03 Insight vs Healing: Why Understanding the Problem Won’t Fix Your Relationship 10:48 How Hope Heals Relationships: The Most Important Ingredient in Change 15:36 Court-Ordered Co-Parents to Remarried: Elliot Connie’s “Finding Nemo” Case Study 22:19 Ending the Blame Game: Taking Personal Responsibility in Marriage Conflicts 27:09 Try This Tonight: Small Acts of Love That Rebuild Emotional Connection 32:02 Is Your Partner Reciprocating? How to Read the Signs and What to Do Next 34:23 Change Your Questions, Change Your Future in Love and Relationships 36:51 Making Your Partner’s Happiness Your Job Without Losing Yourself 41:35 People-Pleasing, Boundaries, and Knowing When a Relationship Is Unhealthy 44:54 How to Get More Help for Your Relationship and Personal Growth If this conversation is bringing a particular argument or painful cycle to mind and you can feel your body tense up at the thought of talking about it, I created something to walk alongside you. My Communication That Connects training is where I take you deeper into the heart of this work: the real issues that drive conflict, the evidence-based do’s and don’ts of communication that creates connection instead of distance, and a clear framework you can start using with your partner right away.  And if you’re at the point where you’re thinking, “We cannot keep doing this by ourselves,” I would be truly honored to support you more directly. At Growing Self, you can tell us what’s going on, what you’ve already tried, and what you’re hoping for, and we’ll thoughtfully connect you with the right therapist or coach on my team. It’s a private, secure way to say, “Here’s what I’m struggling with,” and get matched with someone who can walk through this with you, step by step. You can begin that process by scheduling a consultation. You deserve a relationship where hard conversations are survivable, you feel heard and cherished, and love feels like a safe place to land. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

1 Dec 202550min

If you’ve ever told yourself, “I’ll finally relax when my relationship is better, my house is cleaner, my body looks different, my career is farther along,” this conversation is for you and me both. As we step into the holiday season - a time that invites reflection, gratitude, and sometimes a little extra pressure - I’m revisiting this episode because the message is timeless. We’re talking about cultivating contentment in the life you actually have, not some upgraded future version of it, and how to feel more at peace inside yourself without giving up your dreams, your drive, or your big, beautiful goals. We’ll look at the difference between quick hits of happiness and that steadier “all is well in my world” feeling, the paradox of being an ambitious human who also wants to enjoy today, and some very practical ways to take inventory of your life, question old beliefs about worth and achievement, and stop outsourcing your emotional climate to your circumstances. As you listen, I’d love for you to consider: What have you been making your happiness conditional on? And what might change if today, messy and imperfect as it is, actually counted as a good life? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction to Contentment 04:24 The Pursuit of Happiness vs. Contentment 10:56 Understanding Contentment 20:36 The Paradox of Growth and Contentment 22:29 Taking Inventory for Contentment 29:17 Exploring Core Beliefs and Values 32:55 The Impact of Negative Thinking 37:10 Contentment and Happiness 40:37 The Illusion of Circumstantial Happiness 46:20 The Journey of Personal Growth 52:32 Finding Joy in the Process of Life If you’re noticing how long you’ve been living in “when things are different, then I’ll be okay,” and you’d like a thoughtful partner while you practice something healthier, I’d love to connect with you. You can schedule a consultation with me or a member of my team; it’s a private, secure space where you can tell us what’s really been going on in your world and what you’re hoping will feel different. We’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can feel more grounded, more understood, and more free to enjoy the life you’re in while you grow into what’s next. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

27 Nov 20251h 2min

This time of year brings a lot of togetherness… and with it, a lot of unspoken tension. Difficult conversations are the ones you rehearse in your mind or hold back during holiday dinners, worried that saying the wrong thing could create a rift you can’t repair. That’s why I’m re-releasing this episode on how to have difficult conversations in a way that protects your relationship (and often deepens it) instead of pushing you further apart. We’ll talk about why we either avoid hard topics until resentment leaks out, or bring them up in a burst of anger and criticism, and how both patterns wear down trust over time. You’ll learn what it actually takes to do this differently: managing emotional flooding, getting honest with yourself before you speak, knowing when a conversation is worth having (and when it’s time to set a firm boundary), and shifting the goal from “winning” to mutual understanding so you can stay connected even when you don’t agree. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Navigating Difficult Conversations 06:07 Emotional Intelligence & Self-Regulation 17:49 When to Set Boundaries and Walk Away 21:00 Growth Through Discomfort 27:05 Preparing for Hard Conversations 29:53 Seeing Through Others’ Eyes 36:08 Handling Polarized Views 42:09 Reciprocity & Healthy Relationships If this episode brings a specific conversation to mind and your stomach flips a little just thinking about it, I have a resource to support you. My Communication That Connects free training takes you deeper into the skills we cover here - practical do’s and don'ts for communication that creates understanding, plus real examples you can use with your partner right away. You’ll also receive a full workbook with lessons, activities, and homework to help you get to the root of conflict, calm reactive patterns, and build a more emotionally safe connection.  And if you’re at the point where you don’t want to keep doing this alone, I’d be honored to support you more directly. At Growing Self, you can tell us what’s going on in your life and relationships, and we’ll help you connect with the right therapist or coach on my team. It’s a simple, private way to say, “Here’s what I’m struggling with,” and get matched with someone who can walk through it with you. Start that process here: schedule a consultation. You deserve relationships where you can say the hard things, feel truly heard, and still feel loved at the end of the day. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

24 Nov 202558min

AI has woven itself into our daily lives so quietly and so quickly that many of us don’t even realize how emotionally attached we’re becoming to it... and your AI chatbot might be destroying the way you connect & communicate in your relationships in real life. My guest, Dr. Rachel Wood, a licensed counselor with a PhD in cyberpsychology, helps us make sense of why AI feels so safe, so comforting, and in some cases so intimate, and what it means for our real relationships when a chatbot becomes the place we go to feel understood. We talk about the very real appeal of an AI companion that never gets tired, never gets defensive, and always seems to “get” you. And we also talk about the moments when that dynamic crosses into something unhealthy: when an omnibot becomes your therapist, your best friend, your partner, and your decision-maker… all at once. Rachel shares examples of how dependency forms, how delusions can develop, and why our relational and cognitive “muscles” matter more than ever in this new landscape. This conversation isn’t anti-AI. It’s about staying awake, staying human, and staying connected to ourselves and to each other while we navigate a technology that is becoming surprisingly personal. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 How AI Is Changing Human Relationships 09:20 The Spectrum of AI Relationships 20:18 Cognitive Offloading and Its Real-World Consequences 27:31 Using AI for Growth Without Losing Agency 32:59 When AI Becomes a Dependency 37:07 The Dangers of AI Escalation: A Suicidality Case Study 43:03 AI in Therapy: Tool or Replacement? 51:16 How to Support Someone Attached to Their AI If you’re listening to this and realizing you may be leaning on AI a little more than feels good, or maybe you’re worried about someone you love, please know you’re not alone. These are tender places, and they deserve real, caring support. If you’d like a safe space to sort through what’s coming up for you, or if you’re craving more connection and clarity in your relationships, I’d love to help you get started. You can schedule a consultation with me or someone on my team. Tell us what’s on your heart and what you’re hoping for. We’ll help you get matched with the right support so you can feel steady, understood, and empowered again. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

20 Nov 20251h 3min

The holiday season is so challenging when you’re dealing with relationship loss. That’s why I am re-releasing this episode on how to manage a breakup or divorce through the holiday season. This time of year can stir up old feelings, magnify loss, and make you question whether you’ll ever feel like yourself again - and that’s exactly why this conversation still matters. It can feel especially brutal when you’re going through a breakup over the holidays. Everyone else is in goofy sweaters and twinkle lights, and you’re just trying to get through the day without crying in the bathroom. In this episode, I’m talking with you about why you still feel hooked on your ex (even if you know the relationship needed to end), how love can function like an addiction in your brain, and why this season tends to rip everything wide open emotionally. I walk you through the stages of healing after a breakup - from that torturous ambivalence where part of you is still hoping, to the grief of finally letting go, to the anger, guilt, and self-doubt that can sneak up on you later - and then into rebuilding your self-esteem, finding some inner peace, and eventually growing into a wiser, stronger version of yourself. As you listen, I want you to be gently asking yourself, Where am I in this process? What do I actually need right now: space, support, boundaries, or a little nudge back into life? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Coping with Loss During the Holidays 10:15 Understanding the Emotional Impact of Breakups 16:33 Navigating the Stages of Healing 18:34 The Ambivalence Stage: Letting Go 22:15 Emotional Freedom: Grieving and Moving On 28:01 Rebuilding Self-Esteem After a Breakup 31:15 Finding Inner Peace and Moving Forward 34:29 Growth: Learning from the Experience If you’re listening to this and thinking, I can’t do this by myself anymore, I would be truly honored to support you. You can schedule a consultation with me or a member of my team. It’s a private, secure place to tell us what’s been going on for you - the grief, the intrusive thoughts about your ex, the way the holidays are stirring everything back up - and we’ll help you get matched with the right expert so you don’t have to figure this out alone. Thousands of people have used this first step to begin healing their hearts and rebuilding their lives, and you can too. If your heart is saying, I’m ready for some real support, consider this my personal invitation to reach out. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

17 Nov 202542min

Let’s get honest for a second. Porn addiction isn’t really about sex. It’s about connection… about loneliness, shame, and the ache to feel close to something when life feels empty or overwhelming. My guest for this episode, Sathiya Sam, knows that pain deeply. After a 15-year struggle with porn addiction, he rebuilt his life and now helps others do the same through his Deep Clean program - a compassionate, science-meets-spirituality approach that helps people stop using porn and start building real connection again. We’re talking about what really drives addiction, the role of purpose and community in recovery, how to protect kids in this new digital world, and what AI “relationships” mean for the future of intimacy. It’s a deep, human conversation about healing, hope, and the real work of reclaiming yourself. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Porn Addiction Is About Connection, Not Willpower 01:17 Sathiya Sam’s Recovery Story and Deep Clean Method 07:21 Purpose, Boredom, and the Root Causes of Porn Use 13:44 Protecting Kids From Early Exposure 18:24 AI, Loneliness, and Synthetic Intimacy 30:11 Healing Through Community and Real Connection 34:32 Why Your Partner Shouldn’t Be Your Accountability Partner 39:34 First Steps to Quit Porn for Good Sometimes the hardest part is admitting you need a little help, and the bravest thing you can do is take that first step. If you’re ready to start your own growth and healing journey, you can get support from Sathiya here: https://www.sathiyasam.com/growing-self. Let them know Dr. Lisa sent you! ❤️ You don’t have to carry this by yourself. Real change is possible… and it starts with connection. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self P.S. I’d also love to hear what resonated for you or what ideas you’d like me to explore next. Let’s keep the conversation going!

13 Nov 202550min