Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free! | E386

Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free! | E386

As a couples counselor, I can tell you that one of the most pernicious and common relationship patterns that couples get stuck in is the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic. This happens when one partner handles conflict by approaching it head-on, and the other has a tendency to pull away, shut down, or withdraw. The more the pursuer pursues, the more the withdrawer withdraws, and the pattern can become very intense and even a little scary. The pursuer may start getting emotionally elevated, raising their voice, or even physically following their partner from room to room. The withdrawer, meanwhile, feels totally overwhelmed and unable to engage the more their partner pursues them. Nothing gets resolved, and typically, neither partner is fully aware of their own role in perpetuating the dynamic. Luckily, this is one of those problems that is totally solvable with the help of a good marriage counselor. When you understand why this relationship pattern happens, what your role is in the dynamic, and what you can do instead, everything can shift. On today's episode of the podcast, we're exploring how to break the pursuer-distancer pattern and create a healthier relationship where you can both feel heard, understood, and most of all, emotionally safe. I hope you'll join me! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. — Listening to a podcast is a great starting point, but it's not enough to break a deeply entrenched pursuer-distancer pattern. If you would like to put a stop to this dynamic for good, schedule a free consultation with an expert couples counselor on my team.

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How to Feel Safe in a Scary World | E114

How to Feel Safe in a Scary World | E114

How to Cope, in a World Where Bad Things Happen Like so many of you, I too was shocked and horrified by the events of last week when so many innocent lives were taken in the Las Vegas shooting. Among ...

9 Okt 201742min

Why You Keep Falling in Love With The Wrong Person | E113

Why You Keep Falling in Love With The Wrong Person | E113

Do you attract the wrong people? Do you keep having toxic relationships? If so, you're not alone. You'd be surprised at how many people come to us for life coaching, breakup recovery, individual ther...

28 Aug 201736min

Understanding Love, From the Inside Out: With Dr. Helen Fisher | E112

Understanding Love, From the Inside Out: With Dr. Helen Fisher | E112

"And the greatest of these is love." Did you know that opposites really do attract - but only sometimes? Do you know what love has in common with addiction? Or how anti-depressants can interfere wi...

15 Aug 20171h 2min

Give Your Life a Makeover | E111

Give Your Life a Makeover | E111

It's Time to Grow.  Many people think that the most natural time to make big changes to their lives is around the New Year. Many people flock to life coaching around then, to help them actualize thei...

1 Aug 201743min

Your Relationship Questions, Answered  | E110

Your Relationship Questions, Answered | E110

Looking for free relationship advice from a marriage counselor? Here it is... Everyone needs relationship advice sometimes, and it can be hard to know where to go for trustworthy advice that will hel...

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Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, and Start Believing in Yourself Instead | E109

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, and Start Believing in Yourself Instead | E109

Do you compare your life and your accomplishments to those of other people? In this day and age it's harder than ever to trust your own ideas, believe in yourself, and actualize a self-directed vision...

3 Juli 20171h 4min

What's Holding YOU Back? | E108

What's Holding YOU Back? | E108

Feeling stuck? Here's How to Break Free... Most people who want more out of life seek out counseling or coaching because they are not willing to settle. They want to make a positive change in their l...

5 Juni 201740min

How to Deal With Difficult Parents | E107

How to Deal With Difficult Parents | E107

Do you have issues with your parents? If so, you're normal. As a therapist, family therapist, and life coach I know that many, if not most, people in their twenties, thirties, and forties are still ...

16 Maj 201749min

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