Holy Hell: Will Allen on Unmasking Buddhafield (Part 1)

This conversation with former NXIVM members Bron and Denai Johnson was such a hit when we first dropped it here last year that we’re doing it again (and yes, Patreon gets it first this time, too). In Part 1, the Johnsons open up about their early days in NXIVM’s Vancouver center — from the “too-perfect” community vibes that drew them in, to the personal growth tools they say genuinely changed their lives.They walk us through their POV on ethos classes, SOP weekends, V-Week performances, and the infamous XOSO flop, sharing both the highs and the red flags that finally pushed them to leave. It’s a rare, candid look at what NXIVM felt like from the inside, before the headlines, and why it wasn’t all bad… until it was.Bron and Denai have moved on to healthier (and much hotter) pursuits — they’re now co-hosts of the Hot Johnson podcast, where they mix goofball sibling energy with real talk on health, wellness, and building the kind of relationships you actually want to be in. Follow their adventures and get your dose of Hot Johnson at @hotjohnson.Stay tuned for Part 2, where Denai reveals what happened when DOS came calling.Also… let it be known that:The views and opinions expressed on A Little Bit Culty do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Nobody’s mad at you, just don’t be a culty fuckwad.**PRE-ORDER Sarah and Nippy's newest book hereCheck out our lovely sponsorsJoin ‘A Little Bit Culty’ on PatreonGet poppin’ fresh ALBC SwagSupport the pod and smash this linkCult awareness and recovery resourcesWatch Sarah's TEDTalkCREDITS: Executive Producers: Sarah Edmondson & Anthony AmesProduction Partner: Amphibian.MediaCo-Creator: Jess TardyAssociate producers: Amanda Zaremba and Matt Stroud of Amphibian.Media Audio production: Red Caiman StudiosTheme Song: “Cultivated” by Jon Bryant co-written with Nygel AsselinSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

14 Aug 47min

Katherine Spearing is back—and she’s not pulling any punches. A trauma recovery practitioner and founder of Tears of Eden, Kat grew up in the Christian Patriarchy Movement, where obedience was godly, women were walking wombs, and joy was suspicious at best.In this episode, we dive deep into what spiritual abuse actually looks like: body control, purity culture, biblical gaslighting, and the long-term effects of being told your desires are sinful. Kat’s new book, A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, is part memoir, part manual for healing—and a total middle finger to coercive religion.We talk masturbation, improv, the myth of the one true partner, and why reconnecting with your body might just be the holiest thing you’ll ever do.Out in October, her book A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts is for anyone reclaiming their voice after high-control anything. Find her at katherinespearing.com and @katherinespearing.Also… let it be known that:The views and opinions expressed on A Little Bit Culty do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Nobody’s mad at you, just don’t be a culty fuckwad.**PRE-ORDER Sarah and Nippy's newest book hereCheck out our lovely sponsorsJoin ‘A Little Bit Culty’ on PatreonGet poppin’ fresh ALBC SwagSupport the pod and smash this linkCult awareness and recovery resourcesWatch Sarah's TEDTalkCREDITS: Executive Producers: Sarah Edmondson & Anthony AmesProduction Partner: Amphibian.MediaCo-Creator: Jess TardyAssociate producers: Amanda Zaremba and Matt Stroud of Amphibian.Media Audio production: Red Caiman StudiosTheme Song: “Cultivated” by Jon Bryant co-written with Nygel AsselinSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

11 Aug 1h 5min

In Part 2 of our conversation, Jasmin opens up about life after escaping Saudi Arabia—landing in Wyoming, rediscovering autonomy, and slowly unlearning the rules that once governed every part of her existence. She shares how nature, therapy, and motherhood helped her begin to heal, and how writing her memoir The Last Sandstorm gave her the language to process what she’d been through.We also dive into some thorny topics: the culty dynamics within DEI work, what happens when identity politics override lived experience, and how moral absolutism shuts down real dialogue. Jasmin doesn’t shy away from the mess... and neither do we.Trigger warning: This episode includes discussion of religious extremism, gender-based oppression, political and cultural trauma, and identity-based discrimination.Find more on Jasmin at www.jasminfaulk.com, or follow her on Instagram @jasmin.faulk and YouTube @Jasmin-Faulk. Her memoir The Last Sandstorm is available now wherever books are sold.Also… let it be known that:The views and opinions expressed on A Little Bit Culty do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Nobody’s mad at you, just don’t be a culty fuckwad.**PRE-ORDER Sarah and Nippy's newest book hereCheck out our lovely sponsorsJoin ‘A Little Bit Culty’ on PatreonGet poppin’ fresh ALBC SwagSupport the pod and smash this linkCult awareness and recovery resourcesWatch Sarah's TEDTalkCREDITS: Executive Producers: Sarah Edmondson & Anthony AmesProduction Partner: Amphibian.MediaCo-Creator: Jess TardyAssociate producers: Amanda Zaremba and Matt Stroud of Amphibian.Media Audio production: Red Caiman StudiosTheme Song: “Cultivated” by Jon Bryant co-written with Nygel AsselinSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

7 Aug 1h 5min

This week’s guest is Jasmin Faulk, an author and advocate who risked everything to reclaim her freedom. Born to a Saudi father and Italian mother, Jasmin grew up in a country where girls were silenced, veiled, and made invisible.In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Jasmin takes us inside the dark realities of growing up under fundamentalist Islam in 1980s and 90s Saudi Arabia—from gender segregation and religious policing, to the suffocating control of male guardianship. We unpack the slow burn of her rebellion, including the moment she pulled off her veil in public, and the dangerous path she navigated to leave her marriage and escape the kingdom altogether.It’s a gripping, gut-punching story of survival, defiance, and the fight for a life on her own terms, and a stark reminder that cult dynamics don’t always come with a guru or group name. Sometimes, they come wrapped in flags, holy books, and the illusion of tradition.Trigger warnings for those sensitive to stories of systemic misogyny or religious trauma.Find more on Jasmin at www.jasminfaulk.com, or follow her on Instagram @jasmin.faulk and YouTube @Jasmin-Faulk. Her memoir, The Last Sandstorm, is available now wherever books are sold.Also… let it be known that:The views and opinions expressed on A Little Bit Culty do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Nobody’s mad at you, just don’t be a culty fuckwad.**PRE-ORDER Sarah and Nippy's newest book hereCheck out our lovely sponsorsJoin ‘A Little Bit Culty’ on PatreonGet poppin’ fresh ALBC SwagSupport the pod and smash this linkCult awareness and recovery resourcesWatch Sarah's TEDTalkCREDITS: Executive Producers: Sarah Edmondson & Anthony AmesProduction Partner: Amphibian.MediaCo-Creator: Jess TardyAssociate producers: Amanda Zaremba and Matt Stroud of Amphibian.Media Audio production: Red Caiman StudiosTheme Song: “Cultivated” by Jon Bryant co-written with Nygel AsselinSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

4 Aug 50min

We’re back with Part 2 of our conversation with Lauren and Aaliyah—two former NXIVM coaches and co-hosts of This Juicy Life—as we dig deeper into the tangled mix of growth, gaslighting, and gut-checks they experienced inside (and outside) the cult.This episode unpacks what comes after the escape: the emotional fallout, the tricky process of reconnecting with intuition, and the lifelong work of healing. From toxic hierarchies and skewed polyamory to whispered rumors about poisoned water and public shame, Lauren and Aaliyah don’t shy away from the messy middle. We talk about recognizing “Keith-types” in everyday life, the physical toll of suppressing your instincts, and what it really means to find your way back to yourself.Spoiler: it’s not all sunshine and sage smudges—but it is deeply human, often funny, and always real.Also… let it be known that:The views and opinions expressed on A Little Bit Culty do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Nobody’s mad at you, just don’t be a culty fuckwad.**PRE-ORDER Sarah and Nippy's newest book hereCheck out our lovely sponsorsJoin ‘A Little Bit Culty’ on PatreonGet poppin’ fresh ALBC SwagSupport the pod and smash this linkCult awareness and recovery resourcesWatch Sarah's TEDTalkCREDITS: Executive Producers: Sarah Edmondson & Anthony AmesProduction Partner: Amphibian.MediaCo-Creator: Jess TardyAssociate producers: Amanda Zaremba and Matt Stroud of Amphibian.Media Audio production: Red Caiman StudiosTheme Song: “Cultivated” by Jon Bryant co-written with Nygel AsselinSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

31 Juli 49min

This week on A Little Bit Culty, we’re diving into the deceptively polite world of Canadian politics—where the optics are polished, but the manipulation runs deep.Our guest is Celina Caesar-Chavannes, a former Member of Parliament and once a rising star in Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s Liberal Party. She served as his parliamentary secretary before leaving in 2019, fed up with the gaslighting, tokenism, and isolation she faced for speaking out. Celina pulls no punches as she breaks down the emotional toll of navigating a system that rewards obedience over honesty, and how Trudeau’s carefully curated image masks something far less inclusive behind the scenes.We also get into the broader culty dynamics that show up in institutions like politics, and what it takes to walk away with your integrity intact.This episode contains discussion of racism, emotional abuse, and political retaliation. Listener discretion is advised.For more on Celina, find her on instagram @iamcelinacc and check our her book Can You Hear Me Now?: How I Found My Voice and Learned to Live with Passion and PurposeAlso… let it be known that:The views and opinions expressed on A Little Bit Culty do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Nobody’s mad at you, just don’t be a culty fuckwad.**PRE-ORDER Sarah and Nippy's newest book here Check out our lovely sponsorsJoin ‘A Little Bit Culty’ on PatreonGet poppin’ fresh ALBC SwagSupport the pod and smash this linkCult awareness and recovery resourcesWatch Sarah’s TEDTalkCREDITS: Executive Producers: Sarah Edmondson & Anthony AmesProduction Partner: Amphibian.MediaCo-Creator: Jess TardyAssociate producers: Amanda Zaremba and Matt Stroud of Amphibian.Media Audio production: Red Caiman StudiosTheme Song: “Cultivated” by Jon Bryant co-written with Nygel AsselinSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

28 Juli 1h 18min

This week on A Little Bit Culty, we’re back with Laci Bean, host of Deadly Faith, for Part 2 of her story—what came after she left the high-control ministry that tried to own her soul. Laci walks us through her deconstruction journey: questioning her faith, setting boundaries with family, and reckoning with the political beliefs she once held. We talk about the pressure to homeschool, the fallout from voting for Trump, and the trauma that opened her eyes. Now a trauma recovery coach, Laci shares how she helps others heal from religious abuse—and how even recovery spaces can start to feel culty if we’re not careful. This one’s about finding your voice, reclaiming your identity, and learning to trust yourself again. Also… let it be known that: The views and opinions expressed on A Little Bit Culty do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Nobody’s mad at you, just don’t be a culty fuckwad. **PRE-ORDER Sarah and Nippy's newest book here   Check out our lovely sponsors Join ‘A Little Bit Culty’ on Patreon Get poppin’ fresh ALBC Swag Support the pod and smash this link Cult awareness and recovery resources Watch Sarah’s TEDTalk CREDITS:  Executive Producers: Sarah Edmondson & Anthony Ames Production Partner: Amphibian.Media Co-Creator: Jess Tardy Associate producers: Amanda Zaremba and Matt Stroud of Amphibian.Media   Audio production: Red Caiman Studios Theme Song: “Cultivated” by Jon Bryant co-written with Nygel AsselinSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

24 Juli 47min

This week on A Little Bit Culty, we’re getting holy uncomfortable. Our guest is Laci Bean, host of the podcast Deadly Faith, for the first of a two-part conversation about her time in a cult-like Christian ministry that pulled her in as a teenager and tried to own her soul. From ages sixteen to nineteen, Laci lived under strict rules that dictated what she could listen to, who she could talk to, and even how she thought about her family. The group promised love and belonging but delivered fear, isolation, and spiritual manipulation, all under the guise of faith. We talk about the emotional hooks that pulled her in, the control tactics that kept her there, and the unexpected kindness that helped her break free. Laci doesn’t hold back as she reflects on what it meant to walk away from her so-called spiritual family—and how leaving God didn’t mean leaving truth. This one’s for anyone who’s ever felt trapped by a belief system that promised love but delivered control.  Also… let it be known that: The views and opinions expressed on A Little Bit Culty do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Nobody’s mad at you, just don’t be a culty fuckwad. **PRE-ORDER Sarah and Nippy's newest book here   Check out our lovely sponsors Join ‘A Little Bit Culty’ on Patreon Get poppin’ fresh ALBC Swag Support the pod and smash this link Cult awareness and recovery resources Watch Sarah’s TEDTalk CREDITS:  Executive Producers: Sarah Edmondson & Anthony Ames Production Partner: Amphibian.Media Co-Creator: Jess Tardy Associate producers: Amanda Zaremba and Matt Stroud of Amphibian.Media   Audio production: Red Caiman Studios Theme Song: “Cultivated” by Jon Bryant co-written with Nygel AsselinSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

21 Juli 37min