Hurt People, Hurt People: Natalie Silverstein on Breaking Cycles

For years, author and speaker Natalie Silverstein never told her mother she loved her—because those words simply weren't said in her Ukrainian immigrant household. In this raw, honest conversation, Natalie opens up about her complicated relationship with her mother, the painful years of her mother's decline, and the moment her mother finally started saying "I love you" before she passed away.

A first-generation American who grew up speaking Ukrainian at home, Natalie shares how the invasion of Ukraine has brought her parents' refugee story to the surface and shaped her understanding of intergenerational trauma. She also offers powerful advice on how to truly support someone in grief—from what not to say to why "what can I do to help?" is actually a burden. With warmth, wisdom, and a shirt that simply says "Be Kind," Natalie reminds us that hurt people hurt people, that grace is forgiveness plus mercy, and that every single one of us is doing the best we can with what we have.

0:03 - Intro and Saturday podcast
1:05 - Coffee talk and sugar preferences
3:26 - Mother's Day and all forms of mothering
4:18 - First Mother's Day without her mom
7:02 - Ukrainian roots and immigrant story
9:25 - Giving grace to difficult parents
11:57 - "Hurt people hurt people"
13:34 - Finally hearing "I love you"
14:37 - Speaking truth with kindness
18:59 - What NOT to say to grieving people
20:33 - How to truly show up for others
24:31 - People who run from grief
26:30 - Surprising people in positive and negative ways
29:22 - Trauma junkies and drama addiction
30:55 - Genuine kindness vs. performative help


• https://www.instagram.com/dara.levan/
• Website: daralevan.com3
https://simpleactsguide.com/about-natalie/

QUOTES:

"Everything happens for a reason is one of the worst things you can say to someone grieving."
– Natalie Silverstein

"If your whole life never experiences pain, trauma, or loss, then in my opinion, you're living asleep."
– Dara Levan