When You Stop Pleasing People, They Won't Be Pleased | Barbara Linn Probst

What happens when you stop pleasing everyone around you? Barbara Linn Probst—award-winning author, former therapist, and global nomad who traded New York City for Argentina—joins Dara Levan for a raw conversation about boundaries, narcissism, and the courage to ask yourself one question: What do I want? Barbara shares how she and her husband sold everything, told almost no one, and moved to another country—a decision that required setting boundaries before anyone even knew there was a boundary to set.

Together, they explore the difference between feedback, opinion, and criticism; why silent boundaries can be just as powerful as spoken ones; and how to navigate family dynamics during the holidays without losing yourself. With wisdom from Ingrid Clayton's Believing Me and Lindsay Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, this episode is a masterclass in self-awareness, people-pleasing recovery, and the art of protecting your peace—even when others aren't pleased with your choices. Tune in for real talk on narcissistic dynamics, writing feedback, and the freedom that comes from knowing what you truly want.

0:00 - Intro
1:19 - Barbara joins from Argentina
2:00 - Why they left New York
4:22 - Learning flexibility as a nomad
6:55 - Control is an illusion
9:38 - Choosing "selfish" as her word of the year
11:54 - People-pleasing and knowing what you want
15:45 - Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
18:06 - When you stop pleasing people, they're not pleased
19:50 - Owning your choices and silent boundaries
23:25 - Selling everything and telling nobody
27:29 - Feedback vs. opinion vs. criticism
35:55 - Meeting people where they are
39:55 - Where to find Barbara
41:17 - Outro

• https://www.instagram.com/dara.levan/
• Website: daralevan.com3
https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B07VQQ6RCD

QUOTES:


"When you tell somebody your plans, you have a 65% chance of completing them. When you check in with somebody regularly, you have a 95% chance."
– Barbara Linn Probst


"We have so much less control of our lives than we think we do, which we keep learning as we get older."
– Dara Levan