The Mating Grounds Podcast20 Feb 2015

Bad Advice From The Internet: "Fake It 'Til You Make It."

The idea that just believing in yourself, going out there, and faking it will lead to real confidence and long-term success.

Confidence is the realistic expectation that you have of being successful at something given your competence at this thing and the risk involved in doing it. Humans developed confidence as a way to track our competencies so that we make the right decisions about various risks. This is not feeling good about yourself. This is not believing in yourself no matter what. That is self-esteem.

You build competence through preparation, practice, and demonstrated performance. You can't fake competence, you actually have to work to get good at a skill.

If you aren't good at skiing, you can't fake going down the Black Diamond run. It's the same with talking to women. If you have low social competence (trouble talking to people), you can't fake talking to women. In fact, faking confidence here will make you look even worse because people can tell that nothing is behind it.

Faking it is good advice to follow when you are already competent and you have the skills, but subjectively you don't believe that you are any good. Your confidence is much lower than your competence. Here "fake it 'til you make it" can help you become confident when your skills are already there.

A better strategy is to get objective feedback. To figure out if you should focus on either building skills to get better or faking it and acting as if, ask people around you, a good friend, who can be honest about whether or not you already have these skills.

Det här avsnittet är hämtat från ett öppet RSS-flöde och publiceras inte av Podme. Det kan innehålla reklam.

Avsnitt(262)

What To Do After You're Done With The Mating Grounds Episodes

If you're a big fan of The Mating Grounds, the best place for you to go is The Art Of Charm and listen to Jordan's archived podcast episodes.

29 Mars 20167min

Helping Joe, The Last Episode

Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Charlie Hoehn talk about the end of the beginning for Joe and what he needs to do moving forward to improve his life, including how to find a good therapist.

9 Feb 20161h 10min

Helping Joe, Episode 48

On this episode of Helping Joe, Nils and Charlie help Joe develop more empathy for the women he is seeing, explain to him why Tinder is not the best place for to spend his time finding dates, and give...

28 Jan 20161h 4min

Helping Joe, Episode 47

This week on Helping Joe, Nils and Charlie talk with Joe about his health, why his energy is so low and what to do to get better. They also talk about gratitude & gratefulness (Joe doesn't have any) a...

21 Jan 201659min

Helping Joe, Episode 46

In this episode, Nils and Charlie talk with Joe about his new job and the improvements he made (with Charlie's help) to his interviews that resulted in job offers.

12 Jan 201656min

Helping Joe, Episode 45

This week on Helping Joe, Charlie and Nils continue to help Joe on his job hunt and go over five of his recent interviews, including what he did right and wrong and how to make big improvements in tal...

6 Jan 20161h 15min

Helping Joe, Episode 44: The Airing Of Grievances

This is a special holiday episode of Helping Joe. The guys celebrate Festivus, a festival for the rest of us, with the Airing Of Grievances. In this episode, Joe goes through a list of grievances he h...

30 Dec 20151h 28min

Helping Joe, Episode 43

This week on Helping Joe, everyone is frustrated with Joe’s continued list making and inaction. Joe went on a few interviews but his lack of effort is still woefully inadequate, and Tucker has finally...

14 Dec 20151h 23min