Resolving Sibling Conflict:: Summer of Mentorship Wk 1

Resolving Sibling Conflict:: Summer of Mentorship Wk 1

"They just keep fighting!"

Summer, for us, means lots of unstructured time together as a family. Which is great. . . until it's not.

Perhaps you can identify. Maybe you see yourself in one of the following situations:

Situation #1 - The kids are fighting - again! The harder you try to make it stop, the worse it seems to get - and the kids seem more and more resentful.

Situation #2 - One minute they love each other and the next minute they’re arch enemies. The older they get the louder and angrier it gets. You hate the way this affects everyone’s mood, including your own.

Situation #3 - Time-outs, required apologies, and firmness temporarily curb the fighting, but it soon comes back with more intensity.

Situation #4 - Your young kids are beginning their rivalry and you worry where it’s heading if you don’t learn some better strategies. (copied from Sibling Conflict Online Course description).

Jim & Lynne Jackson from ConnectedFamilies.org are back to equip us in training our children to solve conflict well. And instead of just wishing they would "just stop fighting", to recognize the gospel work of guiding our family to reconciliation.

Jim & Lynne have been on the show before sharing their fabulous 4-layer framework for discipline that connects (Listen here to Episode 80 & 81). And again helping connect in any situation (Ep 98).

Today, they are talking us through The Peace Process. A simple but effective way to guide our kids to a lifetime of reconciled relationships. Here's their great graphic with the four steps moving us from "crazy mountain" to peaceful reconciliation (Click here to print your own copy):

Conflict is inevitable. Instead of just getting frustrated and annoyed, I've found having a plan to reconnect hearts and train empathy so helpful. I also loved all the phrases Jim & Lynne modeled to use as we guide our children through the process. Here are some of my favorites (I'll be bookmarking this page and referring to often):

  • "Sounds like y'all are having a hard time. Do you need my help or are you able to work it out on your own?"
  • "Solving brains won't work until we're calm. Why don't we each find a comfortable place. How long do you need? 5 min? 10 min? Then we'll come back together to work this out."
  • "Did you hear that? How does she feel? Do you like that what you did made her feel that way? You two are listening to each other. How does that feel?"
  • "Your big feelings are a gift. And they are an even greater gift with you can use them to help understand other's big feelings."
  • "What's going on? What was important to each person? How have you solved this problem before? Would you like to think of ways to solve the problem or do you want me to help give you choices on how to solve it?"
  • "Are there four things you could say that are kind and true about that person?"

Lastly, if you need more help learning how to guide your kiddos through the peace process, check out Jim & Lynne's new SIBLING CONFLICT ONLINE COURSE. I'll be working through it this summer. Join me! USE DMA20 to save 20% off.

What we chat about:
  • Considering your own baggage/sibling situation as you rush into your kids' conflict.
  • Are we trying to get conflict to stop or teach reconciliation?
  • The four steps to "The Peace Process".
  • A real life example of applying peace process.
  • How training in reconciliation helps our kids in their future marriages and relationships.
  • Helping our kids learn how to solve the problem of the conflict (a 3-step process).
  • A scenario of a more empathetic child in conflict with a more strong-willed child--growing specific skills in kids.
  • Addressing the differences in your kids outside of conflict.
  • Help for the mom who has a child with special needs in the sibling mix.
  • Connecting with others based not on experience but emotion.
  • Tips for conflicts that happen right before you have to leave the house.
Connect with Jim & Lynne:

Connected Families Site :: Facebook :: Twitter :: Pinterest

Links Mentioned:
  • Free Discipline that Connects handbook
  • Building Empathy in Kids (Part 1) and Building Empathy in Kids (Part 2) article
  • "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." (Ephesians 4:15)
  • "Suppose your brother or sister has something against you, go make peace with them." (Abbr. Matthew 5:23-24).
  • "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God." (Matthew 5:9 NIV)
  • "You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family." (Matthew 5:9 MSG).
  • Need one-on-one parent coaching? Click here
  • Peaceful Mothering DVD

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

  • What is your process for sibling conflict to management in your home right now?
  • What are some ways you and your child can calm down in the heat of conflict? How could taking a mom "time out" help you can down?
  • Discuss how seeing conflict resolution in light of your child's future relationships (think coworkers and future spouse) can help you see why these skills are so important to learn now.
  • Guiding your kids with questions as they resolve conflict helps support them make better decisions. Think of a few questions you could ask for common disagreements.
  • Think about each of your kids and help make a plan for their individual personalities for conflict resolution.

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Week One Summer of Mentorship 2020 :: Rachel Anne Ridge

Week One Summer of Mentorship 2020 :: Rachel Anne Ridge

Rachel Anne Ridge is an author, professional artist, and speaker in Texas. Together with her husband Tom, she bootstrapped her way through the Great Recession, raised a family, and rediscovered her purpose in the midst of the everyday juggle of life. Her books, Flash, The Homeless Donkey Who Taught Me About Life, Faith, and Second Chances, and Walking with Henry are inspired by the stray donkeys (yes, donkeys) who interrupted her juggling act and revealed how ordinary (and sometimes hilarious) events help us find our higher purposes and deeper faith. Rachel is mom to three adult children and Nana to five littles.   Little did I know when I asked Rachel to be on the podcast, that the day before our interview she wrote a viral blog post encouraging the lonely mom of older kids (click here to read it).   Her honest, yet hopeful words, are what I’m sure caused 37,000 + people on Facebook to like her words. She admits the hard parts but encourages moms to keep their eyes on the bigger purpose. Show Highlights:  Rachel shares personal parenting challenges and what she (and her husband) did to overcome them. Discover a variety of ways to get God-centered (none of which include getting up early). Hear Rachel’s parenting regret and advice on how to avoid it. Be encouraged by Rachel’s greatest parenting strength. For the mom of older children, listen to Rachel’s thoughts on how discipline changes during this stage to a coaching role Most importantly hear the Truth of God’s great love for you and your family. Links:  Growing Kids God’s Way: Biblical Ethics for Parenting* Rachel shares they attended training in this parenting approach. She also alludes to the fact they did not agree with all the information in this program. She shared with me later how attending the course together allowed them to get on the same page and then toss what they couldn’t use. After some research I found parents strongly divided on this training approach. If you are looking for other grace-based parent training, then here are some other resources: Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) by Foster Cline & Jim Fay Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson Grace-Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman Connect with Rachel: Blog :: Facebook :: Twitter :: Pinterest :: Instagram Featured Sponsor:  Thrive Market  go to https://thrivemarket.com/dma use DMA to get $20 of store credit.

6 Juli 202035min

How to Avoid Power Struggles :: Stacy Bellward and Chad Hayenga [Ep 292]

How to Avoid Power Struggles :: Stacy Bellward and Chad Hayenga [Ep 292]

With more family togetherness than ever before comes the potential for a lot more arguing and nagging our kids to obey. If you’re stuck in a parenting rut or negative cycle, then our friends from Connected Families are here to help.  Stacey Bellward and Chad Hayenga join me to talk about breaking the patterns of defensiveness in our kids and how the power of curious questions can create productive conversations and build wisdom. “I think as we look at scripture and we consider how Jesus approached people, you know, it was surprising to me when I first learned that Jesus asked 307 questions that are recorded in the gospels. And that's a lot of questioning. And we think about Jesus as being a great teacher. Jesus is a great teacher, but he often times uses questions to build wisdom and to hold people accountable.” If you want to go deeper after listening to this show, Connected Families is offering a special promo code for Don’t Mom Alone listeners for their Power of Questions online course. With the code DMA20 it’s just $30.  Connect with Connected Families:  Website: connectedfamilies.org Facebook: facebook.com/ConnectedFamilies Instagram:  @connectedfams   Links Mentioned:   The Power Of Questions Online Course **DMA20 gets you 20% off Heather, Chad and Stacy do a role play of asking questions instead of nagging Past Connected Families Interviews   Featured Sponsor: GoMacro -- check out Macro Bars GoMacro.com . Get 30% off your order with the promo code DMA (free shipping on orders over $60).

29 Juni 202041min

Focus on Growth vs Guilt  :: Lisa Bevere [Ep 291]

Focus on Growth vs Guilt :: Lisa Bevere [Ep 291]

Author and speaker Lisa Bevere is back to give us a powerful message as we head into summer with our kids: “push aside the guilt and celebrate growth.” She shares some personal stories from very hard places in her life as a young mom and how God led her to work through her anger and underlying fears.  “God said to me: ‘Children inherit one of two things, either my promises or your fears.’ And that I needed to face off with these things. I leaned into that process because of my son. Not because of me. I just came to the place where I realized that in my weakness, he is strong. I've watched God take every weak place in my life and inhabit it with his strength.” I’m so thankful for how Lisa takes us into her story and points to God’s faithfulness to heal and restore our brokenness. She also encourages all of us to set aside the unnecessary guilt and heavy expectations we may be carrying in motherhood and to accept God’s mercy which is new every morning.  Connect with Lisa:  Website:  https://messengerinternational.org/lisabevere/ Facebook: facebook.com/lisabevere.page Instagram: @lisabevere Links Mentioned:   Ep 204 Centering Truth :: Lisa Bevere [PODCAST] Strong: Devotions to Live a Powerful and Passionate Life [BOOK] Sponsors: Go Macro -- Save 30% off your order https://www.gomacro.com/ with code: DMA Sun Basket -- Get $35 off your first order sunbasket.com/dma  use promo code: dma

22 Juni 202043min

Build Lasting Faith in Your Kids :: Dr. Kara Powell [Ep 290]

Build Lasting Faith in Your Kids :: Dr. Kara Powell [Ep 290]

From learning to walk to tying their shoes and eventually learning to drive (coming up for me soon!), so much of parenting is teaching, training and encouragement.  When it comes to faith in God, we do all we can to teach our kids about God’s Word and engage kids in church, but research from the Fuller Youth Institute is helping to shine a light on the potential gaps that cause a high number of youth to abandon their faith in college. My guest Dr. Kara Powell shares a number of research findings that can be game changers for our families as we seek to help our kids develop a faith that sticks with them their whole lives, or “sticky faith.” As a mom of three, she talks about how she’s parented differently in light of her research and why now is the perfect time to start making small changes that could make all the difference.   “One of the things that surprised me in our research is that when young people feel close to their parents, they're also more open to what's important to their parents, including their faith. And so it's not just good for our family relationships. It's also good for the long-term trajectory of our kids.” Connect with the Fuller Youth Institute:  Website:  fulleryouthinstitute.org  Facebook: facebook.com/fulleryouthinstitute Instagram: @fulleryouthinstitute  Links Mentioned:   Growing With: Every Parent's Guide to Helping Teenagers and Young Adults Thrive in Their Faith, Family, and Future [BOOK] Resources for building Sticky Faith Sponsor: Text DMA to 303030 to get a free trial of Beachbody On-Demand

15 Juni 202044min

Strengthening Our Friendships :: Susan Seay [Ep 289]

Strengthening Our Friendships :: Susan Seay [Ep 289]

Deep friendships are essential to our lives. Whether we’re extroverted or introverted, have a lot of friends or a few, we all need someone else to walk through life with. I’m excited for you to hear from Susan Seay, a mom of 7 and a mentor to many. She shares some great advice on keeping our friendships strong during life’s challenges. “We're all in the same storm. We're just not all dealing with it in the same way. We don't even have the same viewpoint on just how big this issue is or how small it is. If I need to remember, that's not why I chose them as friends. I didn't choose them because we agree on everything. We're always going to be different and unique and varied. It's our foundation that keeps our relationship strong.” We talk about fighting back against insecurity and comparison which can break down friendships. And we get into how to have a healthy disagreement with a friend and stay close. Susan also shares tips for staying connected with friends and extending grace for misunderstandings and miscommunications that happen in our hyper-connected world.  Connect with Susan:  Website: susanseay.com Facebook: facebook.com/SusanLSeay Instagram: @susanlseay  Links Mentioned:   Ep 52: Focused Instead of Frustrated :: Susan Seay  Mentor 4 Moms Podcast Sponsors:  Thrive Market --become a member risk-free. Go to https://thrivemarket.com/dma get $20 in shopping credit! StoryWorth -- go to http://storyworth.com/dma get $10 off your first purchase

8 Juni 202045min

Working from Home :: Jehava Brown [Ep 288]

Working from Home :: Jehava Brown [Ep 288]

My guest today Jehava Brown takes us into how she started a blog as a side project while staying home with her kids and transitioned that site into a full-time job.  We talk about work/life balance, setting health boundaries and trusting God to be in charge of the things we can’t control.   “I know that God is the one who provides every job and every dime. And so when I can rest in that, I don't feel the pressure to hustle 24 hours a day. I was working sometimes even 60 hours a week, which was just crazy. And most of it was at night, so it wasn't getting good sleep. I realized I'm not willing to live that way. So I really had to trust God to a different level” Jehava is a mom of three boys and she blogs at www.onlygirl4boyz.com. She also shares how she’s connecting with her teenage son differently and some changes she’s made since the quarantine to keep up with housework. Connect with Jehava:  Website: www.onlygirl4boyz.com Facebook: facebook.com/onlygirl4boyz Instagram:  @onlygirl4boyz

1 Juni 202036min

Tough Transitions with Toddlers and Newborns :: Hailey Bain and Meredith Woodruff [Ep 287]

Tough Transitions with Toddlers and Newborns :: Hailey Bain and Meredith Woodruff [Ep 287]

In the past two years, a lot has changed in the lives of my friends Hailey and Meredith. They came on episode 199 to talk about discipline and toddlers. Since that conversation their families have grown and changed.  Today we’re chatting about tough transitions with parenting young kids. Whether it’s a newborn who won’t stop screaming or the anticipation of being outnumbered by a third child, change is hard for both parents and kids.  Hailey and Meredith share how they’ve found hope in God during some difficult situations and how their community of friends have helped them not mom alone.  “They reminded me that God is working in this. He has not left you. He is working in this situation. And that gave me a lot of hope. One specific friend said: You are serving the Lord when you are holding your screaming baby, when you are in there trying to teach her how to go to sleep. That is service to the Lord.”   Links Mentioned:   Discipline & Toddlers :: Hailey Bain & Meredith Woodruff [Ep 199] Meredith shared scripture from Lamentations 3:16-24 Foundations Book by Ruth and Troy Simons ** Meredith's business : Concrete Conversations Hailey's business : Hey Honey Clothing Company and her Facebook Store Sponsors: Sunbasket -- Get $35 off your first order of meals over at Sunbasket.com/dma. Use code DMA. Exploring the Bible Together --Now through May 25, 2020, Don’t Mom Alone listeners can pick up a copy of Exploring the Bible Together along with a selection of ESV children’s Bibles for 40% off with a free Crossway+ membership. For more information, visit  crossway.org/DMA8.

25 Maj 202040min

Reflecting on Financial Priorities :: Ericka Young [Ep 286]

Reflecting on Financial Priorities :: Ericka Young [Ep 286]

During the ongoing health crisis of COVID-19, there are a lot of changes in household finances. Maybe grocery and electric bills have gone up because everyone is home. You or your spouse may have a reduction in income or you’ve faced losing your job.  In the same way we work to protect ourselves with social distancing and wearing masks in public, there are some important things we can do to protect our finances and take time to reflect on where our money goes each month. Financial coach Ericka Young joins me to talk about budgets, cutting costs and how we can use this time to reprioritize. “This is the perfect time to reflect on what it is that you really want, why you want it. And I think if people reflect on what their goals were in the beginning of the year and make certain that this season doesn't derail their progress. We can start looking on the bright side and ask God what he has next for us.”  Ericka is the owner of Tailor-Made Budgets and has a passion for helping people pay off debt. Listen to how she and her husband paid off almost $100,000 in episode 244. Connect with Ericka:  Website: tailormadebudgets.com Facebook: facebook.com/TailorMadeBudgets  Instagram: @tailormadebudgets  Links Mentioned:   Ep 244 Budget Isn’t a Dirty Word :: Ericka Young [PODCAST] The CARES Act Works for All Americans [WEBSITE] Coronavirus Tax Relief and Economic Impact Payments [WEBSITE] Access more resources and links on Ericka’s Blog [WEBSITE] Sponsors:  Beachbody --Free Trial Membership. Text HEATHER to 303030 Exploring the Bible Together --Now through May 25, 2020, Don’t Mom Alone listeners can pick up a copy of Exploring the Bible Together along with a selection of ESV children’s Bibles for 40% off with a free Crossway+ membership. For more information, visit crossway.org/DMA7.  Little Passports -- Use DMA to get 15% off any subscription at https://www.littlepassports.com/

18 Maj 202035min

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