Resolving Sibling Conflict:: Summer of Mentorship Wk 1

Access to the internet is everywhere in our modern world. And that means access to pornography and sexual imagery is everywhere too. Rather than bury our heads in the sand or cross our fingers that our kids won’t see porn, we can choose to be proactive and to give them a plan for how to react.  Kristen Jenson, the best-selling author or Good Picture Bad Pictures, joins me to share some simple ways to talk with our kids about porn and protect their minds.  “Pornography makes a child more vulnerable to sexual abuse. So if you porn-proof your child by starting these conversations early, you are actually helping your child to be more protected from child sexual abuse. When you start these discussions it's not as hard as you think. And once you do, you've begun this journey with your child to trust you for answers. You tell them, ‘Don't go on Google to ask these questions. Come and talk to me.’” This may feel like a super heavy topic, but I promise it’s worth taking the proactive approach now vs waiting till you have teenagers. Kristen shares a lot of resources and makes it easy to get started.

9 Sep 201947min

My guest today is Ruth Chou Simons. She’s a mom of six boys and an author and entrepreneur. You may know her best from the beautiful watercolor prints and products she creates for her business on Gracelaced.com.  In her newest book, Beholding and Becoming: The Art of Everyday Worship, Grace shares about how every day is an opportunity to be shaped and formed by what moves our hearts and captures our gaze.  We dive into what that looks like in Ruth’s life and how choosing to focus on Christ changes everything from our perspective on our parenting and work to how we look to others.  The most unhappy I get is if I get preoccupied with somebody else's story. And I don't give thanks and I don't jot down reminders of how he's provided for the ultimate story of redemption in my life. And also how he's working that out day by day and writing my story anew. We talk about how our fast-paced, hustle culture steals the joy and the beauty away from the everyday faithfulness of growing in God. My favorite reminder she shared is, “You don’t have to be blooming to be growing.” So true. How often do we start something and expect instant gratification and quick wins? We want easy-to-share glossy images of success. But God looks at our hearts. At the slow growing happening under the surface. We are all in process with God until we see him in heaven.  Let’s celebrate the small wins and focus on turning our eyes toward God and away from the distractions and hollow gratification of social media. As Ruth reminds us, we become what we behold. Those small, unseen decisions really add up to who we are.  Because at the end of the day, every action we have is really stemming out of our belief in our worship. And so how you think, and how you believe, and what you believe is the most beautiful and worthy of gazing at in your life will actually translate into what you do next. What your little moments every day are accumulating to be for a lifetime. What we chat about: Focusing on the beauty of what God has created vs comparing our lives to someone else’s on social media At the root of dissatisfaction in our lives is an underlying struggle with identity. Is our identity found in Christ or is it found in everything going our way? Growing our appetite for the things of God by choosing to fill our time with his Word. The struggles women have with wanting to do something perfectly or not at all  Celebrating the process of growing vs seeing immediate fruit in our lives What you believe is the most beautiful and worthy of gazing at in your life will actually translate into what you do next The goal isn’t just to experience God’s provision, but to trust that his presence in our lives is enough “Nearness to God brings likeness to God. The more you see God, the more of God will be seen in you.” - C.H Spurgeon

2 Sep 201937min

For a variety of reasons, childhood anxiety rates are soaring, especially among girls. My guest Sissy Goff is here to share some of her insights on how to recognize worry and anxiety in your daughter and empower her to overcome. We talk about tools we can use to help us understand why our brains are often working against us in times of anxiety and grounding techniques to slow and stop the emotional spiral that often ensues.  “We always want her to know she's stronger than her worries and that she has a voice to talk back to the worry. A lot of people who work with kids call it the worry monster because that separates it out from her voice. We don't want her to think it's the truth, which is what kids are going to think when they have voices in their heads telling them things.” This is a short, hope-filled bonus episode that just scratches the surface on all that we can learn about equipping our kids to work through anxiety. For more encouragement, follow Sissy and her team at https://www.raisingboysandgirls.com and watch for her book Raising Worry-Free Girls coming out September 17.    What we chat about: 1 in 4 kids are dealing with anxiety of some kind and girls are twice as likely to feel it Anxiety is hard to recognize in kids. Sometimes it comes out as anger or meltdowns and other times it’s deeply buried People whose personalities lean toward Type A tend to have baseline anxiety at all times. If your child’s personality leans that direction, it’s important to give them tools to deal with it Anxiety is always an overestimation of the problem and an underestimation of ourselves Techniques to help a child with anxiety calm down and redirect blood flow to their prefrontal cortex Integrating our faith as we teach our kids to fight back against fear and worry

30 Aug 201924min

Fellow boy moms, this episode is for you! This chat with Monica Swanson another mom of four boys and author of the new book Boy Mom dives into a lot of your questions about how to raise your boys to be godly men.  We talk about encouraging strong friendships between brothers, teaching boys to be strong AND gentle, and about the importance of giving our sons ways to experience excitement and adventure while getting some of their natural aggression out in safe physical activities. “I am a big believer that boys were made for adventure that they need to have some excitement in their lives I think is just how God wired them. They're little warriors who need to experience some thrills. A lot of the trouble boys can get into is related to when they're lacking authentic adventure, when they're not facing challenges and overcoming obstacles.” Monica has two boys out of high school and two still in the nest, so she offers a lot of hope for those of us in the trenches of parenting to keep pressing into relationship with our sons and to make the practicals of faith an anchor in all that we do.  “God is so big and so powerful and he can move mountains on behalf of your son. He wants your son's heart more than you even know. We get our boys plugged in everywhere we can. We want them to have so many positive spiritual models in their life that there's no denying that God is the best way to go. It about coming alongside them and saying, ‘This is for your best. God is for you. Let's walk this life with him.’”   What we chat about: Monica’s four boys and working with very different personalities  Building healthy brother relationships and dealing with kids who hit Boys need to let out their energy with exercise and physical activity Setting healthy boundaries for your kids with manners and learning to laugh with them about it too Teaching boys how to balance strength and kindness by pointing them to the stories of godly men The power of shoulder to shoulder conversations with boys and why to keep pressing into conversation with them Motivating boys to get excited about school and finding hobbies and interests Ideas for how to foster adventure for your boys and learning not to parent from a place of fear Fostering faith in your sons through time in the Word, prayer and modeling

26 Aug 201952min

With the ability to connect with anyone, anywhere in the world, feels like we’re more isolated and ineffective than ever. But what if we worried less about making a big impact.  And focused more on doing the things in front of us with quality and depth? I’m a big fan of this week's mentor, Shontell Brewer. She’s a wise mom to five kiddos. And she has an excellent sense of humor. More than that, she has discipled her children well to love and serve others around them. Discipleship can be organic. Keeping your ministry small enough. To be present wherever God has placed you. In this episode, which originally aired as Episode 140 (Oct 2016), Shontell and I talk about discipleship during dinner conversations. She shares her method of asking really specific questions. And giving her kiddos a challenge for the day to love others in tangible ways (e.g., encouraging a 4 year old to compliment his preschool teacher). My most favorite thing we talk about is Taco Tuesday. The last Tuesday of the month, the Brewer family serves up meat & tortillas. They invite coaches, teachers, friends, neighbors (any one who interacts regularly with their kids) into their home.  We love on our community one taco at a time. I shared the idea with my boys and they wanted to do it the next night (“Taco Tuesday, but on a Monday”). I’ll let you know how that goes. We may go the Pizza Friday route (love our community one slice at a time). Shontell also inspired me to help open my boys’ spiritual eyes. And to encourage them to fight over who is going to put the other one first. What we chat about: How women apologize for their carpet Keeping your ministry small Specific questions to ask during dinner time conversations How Shontell helped her daughter minister to her Starbucks’ manager Sending your kids to school with a basic challenge to bless someone Setting the habit of conversation and other family “norms” Learning to not be offended when our kids aren’t performing Parenting small with intimate corrective conversations The BEST idea to invite people into your home monthly–> Taco Tuesdays!

19 Aug 201959min

Being a mom reveals your most broken places. I often think motherhood would be easy if my boys behaved better. Or maybe if I read one more parenting book. Or if I finally caught the magical contentment unicorn just beyond my grasp. Of course, none of those options really pan out (especially the unicorn). It’s my own junk. Every day the yuck in my heart rises to the surface. But with the pace of life and needs of my people, it’s hard to stop and examine the “yuck” more closely. Recently our small group has been attending a recovery program at our church. Through some honest self-examination and community, God’s been showing me where I’ve held wrong beliefs. And how they impact my relationships. Today’s podcast guest, Lynn Hoffman, helped start our church’s recovery program 15 years ago. And God also led her to write “Steps into God’s Grace”, a bible study based on the 12 steps of recovery. In this episode, Lynn shares her own struggle with performance, people pleasing and codependency. She gives insight into why recovery isn’t just for addicts. And she encourages us to identify our own emotions so we can teach our children to do the same. Recovery became a safe place where I could go and be with other people who were willing to be honest. Stop pretending and start talking about the reality of the problems in their life. And lean on God to change and discover new realities in their life.

12 Aug 201939min

Ever want to hear from the woman behind rock star kids? In this episode, Helen Smallbone, mother of 7 grown children including Christian music stars Joel and Luke Smallbone (For King & Country) and Rebecca St. James, shares stories of motherhood and practical advice she’s learned along the way. She and her husband moved their family from Australia to America more than 25 years ago. It was a faith-building journey that changed their family forever.    “Sometimes when you face life crises what God’s doing is setting a new foundation. In this time, he took everything away from us,” Smallbone said. “We had no money, no resources, no family and no friends.  But in that refining process, he gave everything back to us, but with a new foundation where he was the provider. He showed himself to be faithful for providing all our needs.” Stories of living by faith and God providing for the Smallbone family when they moved from Australia to America Homeschooling a large family and fostering responsibility and work skills in your kids Teaching family values while dealing with bad attitudes and behaviors in your kids Taking a “time out” as a mom to pray for your children and waiting on the Lord for breakthrough for specific ways to resolve behavior problems Focusing on the eternal value of building relationships with our kids versus the temporary focus on everyday tasks Spending time with children who may be acting out because they need more attention How quantity time often becomes quality time with our families Taking a traditional naptime or quiet time after lunch with fill yourself up to finish the day strong as a mom Keeping the communication line open with your children no matter their age.

5 Aug 201950min

As a licensed marriage and family therapist and life coach, Kim Fredrickson counseled and taught others about self-compassion for years. When she received an unexpected terminal diagnosis of pulmonary fibrosis, a rare side-effect of the treatment she had received for breast cancer, she wrote a book to leave for her children on giving that same compassion to the grandchildren she will never meet. On June 3rd, 2019, Kim passed on to be in the presence of her Savior. We are grateful for a way to honor her legacy by re-releasing her fantastic mentorship. (This episode originally aired in January 2018). When people feel ashamed, they blame other people because they feel like if I really look at my shame then I’m going to collapse inside. That’s why self-compassion is desperately important because kids feel shame a lot. They fail at everything at the start. What we chat about: Kim’s story of receiving a devastating diagnosis after completing treatment for breast cancer How she’s chosen to spend the years she has left with her family The new book she wrote for when her children have kids called “Give Your Kids a Break: Parenting with Compassion for You and Your Children” How it’s a process to develop a compassionate inner voice Applying grace and truth to every situation in our lives Variety of temperaments--some that are harder on themselves than others. The difference between self-compassion and self-pity Encouraging your children to practice self-compassion and reinforcing it by showing ourselves that same Giving our kids the language to identify their failings and separate them from their self- worth Moms have a really hard job. It’s ok to acknowledge that. The importance of taking care of ourselves as moms How to talk to your kids after you’ve been hard on yourself and reframing it with self compassion

29 Juli 201945min