236 SelfWork: The Fierce Search for Self-Understanding: The Me I Cannot See

There's a fierce search out there to get yourself, to know who you are and how you impact others. It's why assessments like the Myers-Briggs and the Enneagram are so popular. And how their language can become very personal and special to someone who uses it regularly. So, when I listened in on the first two episodes of "The Me You Can't See" , a new documentary on mental illness, produced by Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry, I thought about this search for ourselves. Prince Harry pointed out that with so many who’ve carried silent emotional pain for many years, the question isn’t, "What’s wrong with you, the question is - what happened to you?”

So today on SelfWork, sponsored by Athletic Greens, we’re going to be talking about the frightening fact that perhaps you cannot see me – as the title of their extraordinary program reflects – but also about the fact that so many of us struggle to see ourselves.

Because this is true: You cannot see me, but perhaps neither can I.

The listener email today is a very painful one from a young woman who was sexually abused in her past which was perpetrated by a family member, but who also found out that the same family member sexually abused her daughter. Her mother doesn’t know – and she doesn’t know whether to tell her or not. What would you say?

Here are the questions I suggested she ask herself with a therapist:

• What do you hope to gain from telling your mother?
• Do you have any preconceptions about how your mother will respond?
• Are you counting on some kind of apology from your mom?
• How would you handle it if she says you and your daughter are lying?
• How will you handle your other family members knowing if your mother tells them and they “pick sides”?
• Do you think you’re telling your mom as a substitute for being able to confront your dad?
• Did you think your mom knew? Does she have the capacity to admit that if she indeed did?
• Would you believe her answer?

And the most important dynamic is: Don't revictimize yourself if you choose to confront. Or in any way.

Important Links:

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens with bonus product with your subscription!

"The Me You Can't See" - the new documentary produced by Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry

Dr. Margaret's Course on Facing Depression, exclusively on HImalaya (and the offer includes a 2-week free trial)

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions, long hidden away, that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

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