84 - Shaming Single Men

"Hello Sandman, The topic I wish for you to cover is being male and single. It seems as if it's always been socially unacceptable for a male to be single, and I'm not completely certain as to why. One personal example of this takes me back a number of years when I had dinner with an old school teacher and his wife. As we waited for our food, my teachers wife began asking me different questions in an attempt to get to know me better. She asked the usual questions, but eventually she got around to the matter of relationships. First she asked if I were married and I kindly told her no. Next she asked if I were engaged and I told her that I wasn't, and the third question was if I had a girlfriend. For the 3rd time I told her no. Looking back I'm not terribly surprised at her line of questions, but it was her reaction that puzzled me. After my 3rd no, she had this confused and disappointed expression on her face. After her barrage of questions, my mind was thinking gee lady sorry to let you down! This isn't some rare occurrence either as I've spoken with other male friends over the years that have given me similar stories. Over the years, I can't remember any female friends or acquaintances going through anything similar. It seems as if societies reaction to a single woman is along the lines of "girl power", or "you go girl, you don't need a man!" But if you're a man and single it's the total opposite. To me people generally respond to single men as if they're failing to meet some societal obligation. A single man can get any reaction from "well why don't you have a girl?", "are you at least dating anyone?" or in the extreme somebody might suggest "he's probably gay!" Maybe a year or two ago, a female friend asked why I'm single. My answer was that I don't want to be in a relationship, but promptly her response was that I lacked confidence! What does confidence have to do with anything I wondered. A woman can choose to be single and it's completely fine, but a man can't do the same. What's your take on this? Thanks for your question NEVER MIND. You've described a lot of different situations and I'll take them one at a time.

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