The Daily Dad3 Dec 2019

Curb Sometimes, Spur at Others

Seneca was a father, though we don’t know much, if anything, about his son. We know he was a wonderful uncle, and that he struggled valiantly as a tutor to reign in the impulses of Nero.

What kind of father was he? How did he teach his young charges? We don’t have many specifics, but in his essay On Anger, Seneca does give us fathers some advice on how to raise our kids—specifically when it comes to making sure they are not spoiled, mean, or cruel.

Here is a thought from Seneca this morning on the importance of encouragement and freedom:

A boy's spirit is increased by freedom and depressed by slavery: it rises when praised, and is led to conceive great expectations of itself: yet this same treatment produces arrogance and quickness of temper: we must therefore guide him between these two extremes, using the curb at one time and the spur at another.

He must undergo no servile or degrading treatment; he never must beg abjectly for anything, nor must he gain anything by begging; let him rather receive it for his own sake, for his past good behaviour, or for his promises of future good conduct.

Our job as Dads is to encourage as well as enforce, to spur as well as curb. One kid might need more of one, while another kid needs less of the other. The same kid on different days might need different things.

But that’s what you’re there for. That’s what you’re supposed to help them with—to spur them to want to be great by themselves.

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