Breaking Free: Overcoming Defensiveness for Stronger Relationships

Breaking Free: Overcoming Defensiveness for Stronger Relationships

Defensiveness in relationships has become increasingly pervasive, posing a significant challenge in modern times. It hinders genuine connection, fosters negativity, and breeds resentment.

However, Robert and Sharla are here to guide you toward a transformative path.

Discover the psychology behind defensiveness as Robert and Sharla shed light on its roots and why it fails as a constructive coping mechanism.

Armed with valuable insights, they equip you with practical strategies to overcome defensiveness and reclaim the harmony and intimacy in your relationships.


Learn to navigate triggering moments gracefully as they share powerful phrases that can de-escalate conversations, fostering understanding and compassion.


Whether it's for your marriage, family bonds, or overall well-being, developing the skills to manage defensiveness is a vital step toward personal growth and healthier connections.


Prepare to dismantle the barriers that obstruct genuine connection as Robert and Sharla provide you with the tools to break free from defensiveness and embark on a journey of trust, vulnerability, and renewed love.


As always, be kind to each other, take care of each other, and put each other first. Remember that it is the small and simple things we do every day that create strong relationships.


"Being defensive means rushing to defend yourself when you are faced with an uncomfortable situation or a feeling, rather than being able to sit in it, listening and really talking about whatever that problem is." ~ Sharla Snow


"Defensiveness really is a coping strategy that makes you feel better only in the moment. But it’s not a positive strategy because the cleanup afterward is far, far worse." ~ Robert Snow


In This Episode:

- The impact defensiveness has on trust and communication

- Why is defensiveness more prevalent today than it was before?

- The psychology of defensiveness

- Reasons why we get defensive

- What defensiveness looks like

- The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that predict divorce

- Suggestions to overcome defensiveness

- Phrases you can use to de-escalate a conversation

- What can you do if you have a chronically defensive partner?

And so much more!


MYM Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423


Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok -

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Communication Part 2: Three Goals for Better Communication in Your Marriage

Communication Part 2: Three Goals for Better Communication in Your Marriage

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28 Aug 30min

Communication Part 1: What Happens When You Don’t Speak Up in a Relationship

Communication Part 1: What Happens When You Don’t Speak Up in a Relationship

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14 Aug 36min

Parenting Conflict Part 3: How to Unite as Parents and a Couple to Reduce Conflict

Parenting Conflict Part 3: How to Unite as Parents and a Couple to Reduce Conflict

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9 Aug 40min

Breaking Generational Patterns in Relationships, with Leanna Hunt

Breaking Generational Patterns in Relationships, with Leanna Hunt

In this episode, we dive deep into the concept of generational patterns and how they affect relationships. Our guest, Leanna Hunt, a somatic therapist and certified performance coach, shares insights on nervous system regulation and generational trauma healing. We explore how trauma can be passed down through generations and discuss practical steps couples can take to break these cycles.Key Topics:Introduction to generational patterns and their impact on relationships. The science behind trauma inheritance, including the cherry blossom study on mice. The role of the nervous system in perceiving safety and threat. Practical steps for couples to recognize and address inherited patterns. The four-step framework: Notice, Name, Nurture, and Navigate. Real-life examples of healing generational patterns.Links Mentioned:Follow Liana Hunt on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aligningwithleannaAligning with Liana Book: "It Didn't Start with You" by Mark Wolynn: https://www.amazon.com/Didnt-Start-You-Inherited-Family/dp/1101980389Connect with Us:Email: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Hashtags: #MasterYourMarriage #GenerationalHealing #RelationshipAdviceRemember, it's the small things done often that have the greatest impact. Be kind to each other and put each other first.

31 Juli 52min

Parenting Conflict Part 2: How to Fix Parenting Mismatches to Save Your Marriage (And Help Your Kids)

Parenting Conflict Part 2: How to Fix Parenting Mismatches to Save Your Marriage (And Help Your Kids)

In this episode, we discuss the impact of parenting differences on marriages and introduce two conflict blueprints for couples. The importance of gentle communication, understanding core values, and the need for compromise in resolving disagreements. The conversation includes practical examples and research-backed strategies to enhance communication and foster stronger, more meaningful relationships.TakeawaysDifferences in parenting can cause stress in marriages.Getting on the same page as parents leads to better outcomes for children.Two conflict blueprints are introduced: gentle start and gridlocked issues.The need to be right can be destructive in relationships.Compromise fosters creativity and better solutions.Influence in a relationship requires being open to influence.Starting conversations gently predicts their success.The feedback wheel is a useful tool for giving and receiving feedback.Understanding core values is crucial for resolving gridlocked issues.Temporary solutions can be revisited and adjusted over time.Connect with Us:Email: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

17 Juli 44min

Parenting Conflict Part 1: Is a Mismatch in Parenting Killing Your Marriage (And Harming Your Kids Emotional Development)?

Parenting Conflict Part 1: Is a Mismatch in Parenting Killing Your Marriage (And Harming Your Kids Emotional Development)?

In this episode, we delve into the universal challenges of parenting conflicts, exploring how core values and meta-emotion mismatches can escalate disagreements. We discuss research findings from Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Nancy Eisenberg, offering insights into managing these conflicts and aligning parenting styles for the well-being of children.Key Points:Top three conflicts among couples with young children: chores, money, and parenting. The Impact of Divorce on Parenting Disagreements and Ongoing Conflicts. Understanding meta-emotion mismatches and their role in predicting divorce. Dr. Eisenberg's research on emotional socialization and parenting styles. The importance of aligning parenting styles to foster emotional intelligence in children.Join us next week for part two, where we'll dive into practical solutions using Gottman's Dreams Within Conflict method to align your parenting approach. Connect with UsEmail: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

10 Juli 23min

Fighting Well in Marriage: A Litmus Test for Emotional Maturity

Fighting Well in Marriage: A Litmus Test for Emotional Maturity

In this episode, we explore the concept of emotional maturity and its critical role in maintaining healthy relationships. We discuss how maturity isn't tied to age but is reflected in behavior, especially during disagreements. We share the importance of handling conflicts with empathy and understanding, drawing insights from Dr. John Gottman's research on relationship predictability.Key Points:Emotional maturity is about recognizing and managing emotions productively. Dr. John Gottman's research highlights the importance of how couples handle disagreements. The impact of social media and technology on emotional maturity. Practical strategies to build emotional maturity and manage conflicts.Takeaways:Emotional maturity involves self-control, empathy, and prioritizing the relationship over ego. Conflicting opinions are normal and can be healthy if managed maturely. Building emotional maturity requires practice and intentional effort.Connect with UsEmail: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

3 Juli 33min

Triangulation: A Toxic Relationship and Family Pattern

Triangulation: A Toxic Relationship and Family Pattern

This episode delves into the toxic pattern of triangulation in relationships, particularly within family dynamics. The hosts discuss how triangulation manifests, its impact on emotional health, and the importance of direct communication. They provide strategies for recognizing and breaking free from this pattern, emphasizing the need for awareness, setting boundaries, and doing personal work to foster healthier relationships.TakeawaysTriangulation involves pulling a third person into a conflict instead of addressing it directly.This pattern can create significant emotional distress and dysfunction in relationships.Children often become unwitting participants in triangulation, which can harm their emotional development.Enmeshment and triangulation are closely related, often leading to blurred personal boundaries.Recognizing triangulation is crucial for breaking the cycle and fostering healthier communication.Setting clear boundaries is essential to avoid being drawn into triangulation.Direct communication is a key strategy for resolving conflicts without triangulation.Personal growth and self-awareness are necessary to break free from unhealthy patterns.Triangulation can perpetuate generational dysfunction within families.Healthy relationships thrive on clear, direct communication and emotional honesty.Connect with UsEmail: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

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