166 Why Your Marriage Feels The Way It Does

Today I share one of my stories. My guest is Rachael Clinton Chen, but she's actually the host of the episode. As Rachael interviews me, I talk about how I began to engage my story, as well as what obstacles I have faced along the way. Then I read one of my stories and Rachael engages me about it. To financially support the podcast, please click here or here. Support the podcast

9 Nov 202043min

This is Part 2 of my conversation with Cyndi Mesmer. As you begin to name the ways your parents harmed you, it is very common to think, "Okay, I'll acknowledge that my Dad harmed me, but I don't think he really meant to do it. I don't think my Dad was trying to be cruel, he was just pretty oblivious and clueless." Cyndi invites you to reconsider this stance. What would it cost you to believe that your father hurt you on purpose? What would it cost you to believe that your mother said and did those things on purpose? Support the podcast

26 Okt 202025min

Cyndi Mesmer and I tackle the question of, "Did the people who harmed me really mean to do it?" Answering this question is more important than you may realize. If you are unsure about the answer to this question—or if you are convinced that your parents didn't mean to hurt you—it will be very difficult for you to access grief and anger about your wounds, both of which are necessary for healing. Check out Cyndi's blog post on Intentionality and Self-Deception. Support the podcast

12 Okt 202028min

Today I want to look at the Bible's take on how Christians are called to respond when racial injustice is occurring in our land. I am not going to devote any time to making a case that America is an unjust society. If you believe that America is just and fair, I beg you to pick up any of the books on anti-Racism written by a person of color and find out if people of color experience America as just and fair. This episode is primarily for White Christians who have a sense inside of "I acknowledge that racial injustice exists in America, but since I am not personally committing acts of injustice, I am therefore not personally responsible for the injustice that is occurring." Support the podcast

28 Sep 202026min

Today I talk about racial trauma, and, in particular, the racial trauma that African Americans experience. One central tenet of all story work is that in order for healing to occur there has to be an honest naming of what has been true. This is true in your individual story and it is no less true in our collective story as a nation. Support the podcast

14 Sep 202034min

One of the things that prevents people from engaging the ways they have been harmed is the simple objection, "Who am I to judge my parents?" The premise of the objection is simply, "It's wrong for me to judge my parents. That's God's job, not my job." In today's episode, I take a look at what the Bible says about judging other people. Support the podcast

31 Aug 202025min

Many people look back on their growing up years and simply don't remember very much. In today's episode I offer some suggestions on what to do when you are having a difficult time remembering your stories. If you want a summary of today's episode, you can go to adamyoungcounseling.com and get a free resource called "What If I Don't Remember Much Of My Childhood?" This document also outlines several written exercises you can do to help you remember your stories. Support the podcast

17 Aug 202034min

What is actually happening when two people interact—whether that's two spouses, a therapist and a client, or two friends? What is actually happening in the brains of the two people who are interacting? Primarily, nonverbal messages are being communicated from one person's right brain to the other person's right brain. This has profound implications for why interpersonal interactions can be so fraught. Support the podcast

3 Aug 202036min