Raising Girls :: Sissy Goff [Ep 141]

Raising Girls :: Sissy Goff [Ep 141]

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice. . .including sassiness?

Now I’m not a girl mom. But I am a girl. That’s gotta count for something.

I know how complicated my emotions can be. With all the social media and cultural pressures, I can only imagine how overwhelming it is to raise a girl nowadays.

Good news!!! Today’s help comes from girl expert and licensed counselor, Sissy Goff. She spends most of her days chatting with girls and their families. The author of eight books including, “Raising Girls”, Sissy brings loads of wisdom and perspective.

In this episode we spend the first chunk of time talking on the topic of beauty. Then we move into whining and strong emotions (including the epidemic of childhood anxiety). Sissy shares great thoughts on girl friendships and sister stress.

Personally, I love her thoughts on how attention issues (e.g., ADHD) can impact girls socially. Lastly, she gives excellent advice on how to maintain a healthy mother-daughter relationship. And this quote:

What we chat about:
  • Speaking to the different areas of beauty God has placed in each girl, specifically calling out strength and bravery.
  • How we, as moms, talk about OURSELVES influences how our daughters see themselves.
  • Helping girls develop their own identity.
  • Keeping an ongoing dialogue and pulling your daughter back “into the huddle of your family” to discuss external messages.
  • Building up confidence helps lessen the fixation on external beauty.
  • Circling back to the places your daughter is confident and the things she likes about herself.
  • The importance of a girl’s father (or other male role model in her life) to show her she is valued for who she is.
  • Helping your daughter realize most girls share her same struggles.
  • Managing her intense emotions at home and recognizing anxiety.
  • Teaching empathy in practical ways.
  • Identifying “balcony friends,” “basement friends,” and “rollercoaster friends.”
  • Respecting her capabilities and fighting the urge to “fix everything” as she moves into the teen years.
Links Mentioned:

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Today I’ve invited two gals to the kitchen table. We’re chatting about some good-hard topics. Like a good workout, this was a conversation we did and didn’t want to have. Praise the Lord, “shame” is no longer taboo. More and more people are willing to be vulnerable and share their struggles. And women are finding freedom from the thoughts of unworthiness replaying in their minds. Since I’m confident Brene Brown’s research and writings stimulated this movement. Here are her words on the topic: I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In this conversation, Misty, Stephanie & I talk about how often inward shame leads to outward perfectionism. And eventually that can lead to (a new-to-me term) smiling depression. As women of faith we can take our thoughts of unworthiness and exchange them for the Truth of what Christ has done for us. We can rest in His worthiness on our behalf. And rest in God’s pleasure over us. Believing He is for us and there is nothing we can do to earn or lose His love. Thank you Misty for being brave and sharing your story. Thank you Stephanie for sharing your own struggles and professional insight. May we show one another grace and freedom, so that no one suffers alone. May more women gather around tables and have similar conversations (sign up here to host a GCM podcast club). In this hour we chat about: Inner shame talk and the burden of unworthiness. Smiling depression Believing the lie of not good enough Becoming aware of our striving to gain worth. What steps to take in healing shame/perfectionism/depression. Finding safe community to be vulnerable. Allowing a counselor to help you find more freedom. What makes someone move through shame and why do others get stuck in it. How shame impacts 17-24 year olds. Two practical activities to increase awareness of other’s love and God’s love towards you.

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