Managing Relationships while Thru-Hiking with Michele Weiner-Davis, aka Zach's Mom

In today's episode of Backpacker Radio presented by The Trek, brought to you by LMNT, we are joined by acclaimed author, marriage therapist, and speaker, Michele Weiner-Davis, known in my household simply as "mom".

Being our Valentine's Day episode, this one is meant to equip you with the knowledge necessary to make your relationship flourish. We cover a range of questions, both general tips on how to improve your relationships, but also thru-hiking specific scenarios, including how to navigate when one partner is on the trail and the other is back home, encountering challenges when hiking together, and how to get buy in from nervous parents (a subject in which my mother is overqualified to speak on). Chaunce also attempts to get Badger to blush by asking embarrassing questions about his past.

We wrap the show with some sobering news about how listeners can help a past guest in her fight against cancer; Chaunce and her fiance, Garrett, air out their pettiest fights; and we search for the perfect word for that post-massive dump feeling.

LMNT: Get a free sample pack with any order at drinklmnt.com/trek.

Gossamer Gear: Use code "BACKPACKER20" for 20% off packs at gossamergear.com.

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Interview with Michele Weiner-Davis

• Michele's Website

Time stamps & Questions

00:05:15 - Reminders: Join us for our live show in Austin, listen to our episodes ad-free on Patreon, and apply to blog for the Trek!

00:09:00 - Introducing Michele

00:09:50 - What are you most proud of professionally?

00:12:15 - What's the crossover between saving marriages and raising children?

00:13:27 - How does your work influence your own marriage?

00:14:35 - What is it like being mother to Zach Davis?

00:16:10 - What's the dumbest thing you've ever seen Zach do?

00:19:22 - Describe why Zach is called the feral child

00:21:28 - What is something about Zach you don't think the listeners would know?

00:22:45 - What was your advice to Zach when he was engaged and about to hike the PCT?

00:24:48 - How did you get into this work in the first place?

00:29:30 - In what other ways is your angle different from the average therapist?

00:31:00 - Should marriages always be saved?

00:33:18 - Where are the key areas where relationships go wrong?

00:36:50 - How can someone hiking make their partner at home feel valued?

00:43:50 - Discussion about parents reacting to their children's thru-hikes

00:47:30 - How long did it take you to feel comfortable with Zach being on the AT?

00:49:00 - How would you handle a situation where the person at home feels jealous?

00:54:25 - "I love hiking but my wife doesn't. She's short (under 5ft) so how big a backpack would I need to kidnap, I mean, carry her in? Seriously she hates camping and nothing I've tried works. We've been married for almost thirty years. Any suggestions?"

00:55:25 - "If a marriage is already rocky, do you think that sharing a thru-hike is more likely or less likely to help fix a relationship?"

00:58:38 - "So I'm single and not only am I getting into long distance backpacking but I also work in film where we could be hired for a project that has us traveling for months at a time within a week of being hired. I often find myself hesitant to get into a relationship with someone who has a more stable 9-5 lifestyle. How can I approach the initial conversation to set expectations of these long gaps in availability? Should I just stick to dating people in my industry/ people with less traditional lifestyles? Thanks!"

01:00:50 - How would you advise a child to get their parent's sign off for a hike?

01:07:37 - "My partner supported me initially with my desire to do multi day backpacking trips. However, he's now made comments about how he hopes I'm not planning to make this a regular thing (I've gone away twice for ~2.5 weeks). I realize it's a lot to ask when you are a parent, even though our kids are teens, but I do want to be able to continue to enjoy these trips (he's not interested). How would you approach this situation to avoid resentment building on both sides?"

01:11:33 - "Do couples who make it through a thru-hike together really stay together?"

01:16:22 - What kind of conversations can people have prior to the end of the trail?

01:18:07 - "One of the most difficult parts of a thru hike for my wife and I is the time away from each other, but once we get over that and the trail is finished the next hardest thing for both of us is just getting used to being around each other again, we both have basically lived separate lives for the past few months and have become used to our own routines and now we're stuck with each other again. Any tips for making that transition back into "normal" married life any easier."

01:21:38 - "I'm considering a thru-hike during a career break. My husband doesn't have the same time off work so I would be hiking without him. He's very supportive of my hiking plans but I worry about what it will do to our marriage if I have this transformational experience without him. Any advice on managing this?"

01:26:55 - "How do I deal with the guilt of leaving a spouse at home while I'm hiking like a happy forest fairy?"

01:28:10 - "Do we outgrow people and stagnate our own growth, or is this a misconception?"

01:32:42 - How much of a good relationship is meeting your soulmate and how much is working towards it?

01:33:45 - Do you think anyone can make a relationship work with anyone?

01:35:45 - Stay Salty Question: What is your hottest take in the world of relationships?

01:40:40 - Is there a book you'd recommend for thru-hikers?

Segments

Trek Propaganda

• Fundraiser to Support Renee "She-Ra" Patrick
• The Ultimate Guide to Making Coffee on Trail by JT Simmons

QOTD: What word describes that sweet relieving feeling after taking a big dump?

Triple Crown of petty things you've fought over

Mail Bag

5 Star Review

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