Episode 133: Marriage Advice for Newlyweds and Beyond

Marriage is something we love to talk about, because it truly does help foster kids, and adoptive kids, and your bio kids to feel like they are in a safe and healthy home. The things that make marriages awesome are great communication and even great community!

We are happy to have been able to host a Marriage Shower for Cate and Josh this week, and that's what prompted this episode. We start with why we have showers and gatherings, then we get into the advice that was shared at the shower.

Chapters:

0:00 - Intro

1:13 - Today's Topic – Marriage

10:42 - Bits of Wisdom Shared at Wedding Shower

18:40 - Our Sponsor – Showit!

19:00 - More Marriage Wisdom

28:48 - Good Word Of The Day!!!

Marriage:

Marriage is something we love to talk about, because it truly does help foster kids, and adoptive kids, and your bio kids to feel like they are in a safe and healthy home. The things that make marriages awesome are great communication and even great community!

We are happy to have been able to host a Marriage Shower for Cate and Josh this week, and that's what prompted this episode. We start with why we have showers and gatherings, then we get into the advice that was shared at the shower.

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker

"This book will forever alter the way you look at your next meeting, industry conference, dinner party, and backyard barbecue—and how you host and attend them."

Advice:

Don't think you are competing or deserve something for serving your spouse. You are on the same team, not keeping score of stuff that doesn't exist, so set your spouse up for success. Have grace.

Envisioning your spouse in the other team's jersey is not healthy. Referenced Outward Mindset again, by the Arbinger Institute. Very important to have a healthy mindset in marriage!

Surround yourself with great community in every season that will point you to Jesus. Desperate need for Jesus to make your marriage work - humility is necessary. And ask for help. Steadiness, and pointing others to truth. Be a safe place to confess things to each other and confess everything to each other.

When you feel like things are coasting, that's when things fall apart. Communicate frustrations so they don't pile up. God created us with emotions. Part of emotion is connection. Learn how to understand what emotions are happening helps build intimacy. Untangling Emotions is a good book.

Allow yourself to go to bed angry. Think of marriage as a team sport- be willing to shift to cover. Go to bed at the same time- it's hard to have sex in different rooms. Decide roles (who is in charge of finances), decide how you will communicate about money.

Of course, since this is a wedding shower, we talked about sex:

Communicate desires and drives ahead of time.

And "tiredness is the enemy of sex", which is a good word from Grandma Watson

Good Word of the Day:

Say what you mean. 'It's fine', is never fine.

– From Cate and Josh's Wedding Shower

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Good word of the day:

"It's fine" is never fine.

Establish common communication habits. Say what you mean. Truth and love in communication.