The ADHD Channel for Women27 Feb 2025

The ADHD shame spiral from making mistakes in relationships | Sorry, I Missed This

A lot of shame can come up when a person with ADHD is confronted about a mistake they’ve made. They might start to spiral into bad feelings, and negative self-talk, when really the person bringing up the mistake most likely wants to repair their relationship, and even strengthen their bond.

Host Cate Osborn chats to ADHD coach Jaye Lin about why this happens, and what we can do to “reverse the train” to stop the spiral. Jaye is the host of another show on the MissUnderstood podcast channel, Tips from an ADHD Coach.

Related resources

The MissUnderstood podcast channel (where you can find Jaye’s podcast, Tips from an ADHD Coach)
ADHD and: Shame
ADHD and emotions

Timestamps

(00:41) Being scared of making mistakes or showing ADHD traits

(04:38) “Reversing the train” instead of spiraling when someone brings up a mistake we’ve made

(08:23) Slipping into the shame spiral easily

(11:28) Directly addressing the damage caused by your actions, intentional or not

(15:51) The element of repair

(16:30) Perfectionism and internalized judgement

(20:28) Rejection sensitivity and how we react to things

(23:19) The “scary moment” when someone brings up your mistake

(25:55) Jaye’s last piece of advice

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

As kids head back to school, it's a good time to remember: not every student experiences the classroom the same way. Through My Eyes, a free interactive experience from Understood, lets you step into a day in the life of a kid with ADHD, dyslexia, or dyscalculia. See their strengths and challenges in a whole new way. Try it out here.

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Det här avsnittet är hämtat från ett öppet RSS-flöde och publiceras inte av Podme. Det kan innehålla reklam.

Avsnitt(183)

Is your ADHD brain fog actually CDS? | Hyperfocus

Many people with inattentive ADHD feel like something is missing from their diagnosis. That missing piece might be cognitive disengagement syndrome, or CDS: a cluster of symptoms including daydreaming...

20 Aug 22min

Your ADHD brain loves a good argument. Here’s why that’s a problem.

Ever notice your ADHD brain gets a little too excited during an argument? Like you’re not even mad anymore, you’re just... having a really good time being right? Yeah. There’s a reason for that, and i...

13 Aug 20min

ADHD and living up to potential

“You’re not living up to your potential.” If those words have haunted you, you’re not alone — and the story you’ve been telling yourself about why might be wrong. Dr. J breaks down two patterns she se...

11 Aug 11min

Why money fights are never really about money | Sorry, I Missed This

Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships — and for people with ADHD, it comes with an extra layer of shame most people don’t talk about. Cate sits down with Dr. Christine Hargr...

30 Juli 33min

ADHD and avoidance

Does replying to a text feel harder than it should? Or do you struggle when someone reminds you to do something you were already planning to do? In this episode, Dr. J breaks down the real science beh...

28 Juli 13min

What the rise of fidget toys means for neurodivergence | Hyperfocus

Fidget toys, like NeeDohs, are sold out and banned in classrooms. Journalist Anna North joins us to unpack how fidget toys went from gag gifts to a generational obsession, and what that shift reveals...

23 Juli 17min

Parentification: The hidden pattern in ADHD relationships | Sorry, I Missed This

Ever feel like you’re the “parent” in your relationship — managing everything while your partner just... coasts? You’re not alone. And it’s not just you being controlling. Host Cate Osborn talks with...

16 Juli 30min

ADHD and the boredom spiral

Boredom isn’t just annoying for ADHD brains. It can feel unbearable, even painful. Dr. J breaks down the real science behind why: dopamine sensitivity, warped time perception, and an overactive defaul...

14 Juli 16min