Family of Origin Roles Series: The Parentified Child (From Confidant to Consultant)

Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). We’re exploring how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result.

Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-role-did-you-play-in-your-family-of-origin-re-release/id1588419386?i=1000676613922

All previous role-specific episodes are also linked below.

We’re taking a look at “The Parentified Child” role in today’s episode. The child cast into this role likely heard that they were “so mature,” “wise beyond their years,” or were praised for their comforting presence when they were growing up. The problem? Kids shouldn’t have to provide emotional support to the adults in their family. Unfortunately for the Parentified Child, this felt like the surest route to safety and love, perhaps due to a chaotic environment, overwhelmed parents, or conflict in the family system. As an adult, the Parentified Child carries with them a certain set of beliefs and tendencies that they picked up as a kid in this role. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Parentified Child can free themselves from always taking on others’ needs and create more egalitarian relationships that feel safe and nourishing.

Relevant links:

Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You - https://static1.squarespace.com/static/68fb9be6dd08f86094b477d5/t/695460efc0563e326f3c907d/1767137519524/foo_workbook.pdf

Reimagining Love episode with Dr. Hillary McBride: Getting Present: Tuning Into Your Body with Dr. Hillary McBride - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/getting-present-tuning-into-your-body-with-dr-hillary/id1588419386?i=1000583003768

Reimagining Love series: “I Love My Partner, But Their Family is Toxic”: Part 1 - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-love-my-partner-but-their-family-is-toxic-part-one/id1588419386?i=1000581520129

Part 2: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-love-my-partner-but-their-family-is-toxic-part-two/id1588419386?i=1000582290241

Girlhood Interrupted: The Erasure of Black Girls' Childhood (Rebecca Epstein, Jamilia J. Blake, Thalia González, from the Center on Poverty and Inequality, Georgetown Law) - https://genderjusticeandopportunity.georgetown.edu/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/girlhood-interrupted.pdf

Past episodes of the Family of Origin Roles Series:

The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence) - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/family-of-origin-roles-series-the-perfect-one/id1588419386?i=1000679074329

The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity) - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/family-of-origin-roles-series-the-easy-one/id1588419386?i=1000679861104

The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate) - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/family-of-origin-roles-series-the-struggling-one/id1588419386?i=1000682992450

The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist) - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/family-of-origin-roles-series-the-peacemaker/id1588419386?i=1000683905568

Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz - https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/rolesquiz

Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article - https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/article/work-issues-at-the-heart-of-couples-conflicts/

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day - https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/2e7045884bea4a5f?ean=9781683736530&next=t

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter - https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question - https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/

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