The Mental Load14 Nov 2024

Just Lower Your Standards

Why men have the perception that women have standards that are "too high" and how it contributes to the mental load.

We've all been in the situation before where we ask our husbands to do something. It seems easy and obvious: "can you clean the kitchen after dinner, please?" We leave and come home to find the kitchen is still mostly a mess. Sure, the food was put away, but there's still dirty pans and utensils everywhere and the counters are sticky. It's not actually clean. And when you point this out your partner resorts to "You just have such high standards! Nothing I do is ever good enough for you!"

This week we’re talking about the difference in expectations around household chores and the mental load that creates.

In a 2007 pew research poll, 62% of adults said that shared chores were key to a successful marriage. Coming in third behind faithfulness and good sex.

What we often find though is that there’s this dynamic of “your expectations are so much higher than mine for chores” and that’s the excuse for why things done get done start to finish.

It’s easier to diminish a women’s experience by saying her standards are “too high” than to accept change needs to happen on the other side.

Topics include:

What are chores really a reflection of?
What does messiness mean for each gender?
How do we agree on basic standards?

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