Coping with nightmares after trauma- Episode #58

A question I'm asked often is, "Will the dreams and nightmares about my ex stop?!"

You left your abuser and now your dreaming about him/her. It may feel like you are still being held captive. When do they stop? Why does it feel like I'm obsessed or have separation anxiety from this person? You are probably frustrated by this. How can you break free from these? Remind yourself that you are safe! This person can't hurt you anymore. You may feel victimized all over again subconsciously. The feelings of being unworthy, that your useless, everything is your fault, etc... You may go through nightmare spurts. One day you have them and then the next day you don't! Dreaming allows us to face our abusers head-on. We can safely explore situations we went through as scary as they may have been for you.

If you sit down and think about why you are having these dreams you may be surprised. It could be you were randomly talking about this toxic person earlier in the day with someone. You could have heard a song, saw an item, went past their house, had a message from them, are you up against a deadline, or something else that reminded you subconsciously. While you are sleeping your brain may be trying to help you or tell you something by replaying a memory or situation. Try these:

1) What unresolved hurts do you have? Those bottled-up memories can trigger a bad dream. Getting things down on paper or sharing these with a counselor/therapist/friend.

2) Change the voice of your abuser. Replaying these experiences can be terrifying for you but let's pretend you're watching a movie of memory between you and that person who hurt you. Change the voice to that person. Make it a cartoon voice or really high and squeaky. Kind of like a chipmunk. Does it make you giggle a little? Going forward every time you think of this person I want you to remember this cartoon voice even in real life. This can help you start to see this person from a different perspective.

3) Before you go to bed begin a practice of watching or reading something positive. Don't binge a scary movie, watch the news, or consider putting down your phone. Feed your mind something good. If you have to watch a show make it light-hearted. Watch funny animal videos, listen to the Bible on YouTube, find positive affirmations or Bible verses, or record your own to play as you fall asleep. Color, go for a walk, or listen to soothing music. Find a hobby that you enjoy to get this person out of your head. Fill your mind with positives and things that make you happy and if you don't know what makes you happy now is a great time to learn. I encourage you to give yourself this time to get to know you. To better understand your reactions to a certain situation and how you can reprogram yourself to react in a way that shows you aren't going to be a victim any longer.

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse.

This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

Find help and info here-

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255