Walking Through Grief: Coping, Comforting Kids, and Embodied Emotions :: Erin Nelson and Colleen Montague [Ep 517]

Do you try to coach or control your kids in friendships? Whether sending them off to Kindergarten or College there are so many opportunities along the way to help them be good friends and pick good friends.  Today we are revisiting an amazing conversation with Sissy Goff and David Thomas discussing how to help our kids foster friendships.  As licensed counselors, working at DayStar Counseling Center in Nashville, they provide support, encouragement, and compassion to children, adolescents, and families in need through counseling. This episode has advice at every turn for every age and stage. David talks about dropping his son off at college and how to be a coach - not a fixer. We discuss shifting from focusing on how to get friends to how to be a good friend. Sissy breaks down the girl issues that arise with anxiety, feelings of isolation or being left out, and moms who sometimes care more than their daughters about certain social situations. This is a perfect episode heading into back-to-school season as we prepare to navigate relationships alongside our kids.  Connect with David Thomas and Sissy Goff:  Website:  Raising Boys and Girls Facebook: Raising Boys and Girls Instagram:  Sissy Goff (@sissygoff) and Raising Boys and Girls (@raisingboysandgirls) Podcast: Podcast | Raising Boys and Girls Summer of Mentorship Discussion Questions: What stood out to you in the week’s episode? What is one step you can take to become a coach instead of a fixer?  Could you sit down this week and have your child make a list of what characteristics a good friend has? Ask them how they are doing on that scale and if they are looking for people with those same qualities. Can you name one issue one of your kids is having in this area and what ideas this episode brought up for you to try?  Are you praying for your kids' friendships and connections? If not, stop and pray now for one another that the Lord would provide lifelong Godly friends this year for each of your children.  Links Mentioned:   Common Sense Media: Age-Based Media Reviews for Families Are My Kids on Track?: by Sissy Goff, Melissa Trevathan, and David Thomas  The Invisible String by Patrice Karst Related Episodes: Helping Socially Anxious Boys :: David Thomas [Ep 451] Understanding Boys Better :: David Thomas [Ep 315] Raising Worry-Free Girls :: Sissy Goff [Bonus] Emotional Milestones :: Sissy Goff and David Thomas [Ep 160] Featured Sponsors:  Greenlight: Sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to Greenlight.com/dma . Thrive Market: Save time and money and shop Thrive Market today. Go to ThriveMarket.com/DMA for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift.  Vegamour:  Find links to this week’s sponsors and unique promo codes at dontmomalone.com/sponsors.

12 Aug 202456min

As parents, we are keenly aware of the peaks and valleys of our kids’ emotions. Anger, sadness, excitement, and all the other feelings can make us feel like our child is on a roller coaster we’re just trying to slow down.  It’s true that we all feel highs and lows throughout our day, but we rarely talk about what it feel like when we’re “in the zone” and feeling calm and ready to go. My guest today is sharing about the window of tolerance and how to regulate ourselves and our kids to help stay in that window.  “If I am dysregulated, I cannot regulate my child. So if I'm in fight or flight and I'm yelling. There's no amount of yelling that brings my child back into the window. And sometimes parents think the yelling is working, but what you're doing isn’t getting your child in the window. They're going into collapse and into a place of fear.” Charissa Lopez is a Licensed Professional Counselor and believer. Her passion is to come alongside those who are hurting and struggling to help them find truth, hope, healing, connection, and growth. She shares some eye-opening information and statistics to get us on the path to helping our kids build resilience and stay in that window of tolerance.  Charissa shares from a faith-perspective that we as believers are not alone. She reminds us that we can lean on God to regulate our emotions as we love on our kids and go through the hardships of life.  “God himself through Jesus is the ultimate attachment figure. He is always reaching for us. He never fails to respond to our needs. He always loves us. He's never judging us and never shaming us. So to know that when we need to be co-regulated, that when I am feeling like I'm going to leave the window, I can remember the truth of who God is and I can reach out to him in prayer.” What we chat about: The window of tolerance when our brains functioning well and effectively process input to make rational decisions calmly without feeling either overwhelmed or withdrawn When we’re out of the window of tolerance, our thinking brain is not in control and we don’t register consequences  Many of us don’t live in the window of tolerance, but we’re too busy and stressed to stop and assess how we’re feeling at any given moment Hyper-arousal, otherwise known as the fight/flight response, is often characterized by hypervigilance, feelings of anxiety and/or panic, and racing thoughts. Hypo-arousal, or a freeze response, may cause feelings of emotional numbness, emptiness, or paralysis. Learning how to stay in your window of tolerance builds resilience, both for us and our kids When our kids live outside the window, they become “masters of survival” and often turn to negative coping strategies What co-regulating our kids’ emotions looks like Philippians 2:13 “For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”  We can lean on God to bring us to that window of tolerance and into the fruits of the spirit Connect with Charissa:  Website:  charissalopez.com Facebook: facebook.com/CharissaLopezCounseling  Links Mentioned:   Regulation Pack for DMA Listeners [WEBSITE]  Rosie’s Brain [BOOK] Related Episodes:   Connecting Through Play Episode with Charissa  Ages and Stages–Tween Edition –differentiation episode with Charissa  Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues :: Lynne Jackson [Ep 258]  Summer of Mentorship Discussion Questions: Have you heard of the window of tolerance before? If you look back at today, can you identify times when you were in the window and when you were in hyper-arousal/hypo-arousal? What about when your kids were in hyper-arousal/hypo-arousal? Are there some simple indicators that tip you off to your child’s de-regulation? How could knowing that your child’s thinking brain and understanding of consequences are not functioning in de-regulation change how you parent them when they have big emotional responses? Do you need to take more time to regulate yourself when you are upset before disciplining your kids? Make a list of strategies you can use to get back to the window of tolerance before trying to help your kids regulate.  God is the ultimate attachment figure and he can help us regulate through prayer, corporate worship and community. How have you seen God help you regulate in the difficult moments in life? Share some wins! Featured Sponsors:  Green Chef–Go to GreenChef.com/dmaclass for 50% off your first box + 50 FREE Credits with ClassPass! That’s code dmaclass at Greenchef.com/dmaclass. Gabb Phone and Watch-Gabb is offering HUGE discounts on phones and watches to new customers. There’s no contract required! Just go to GABB.com/dma to get started. BetterHelp - This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Never skip therapy day, with BetterHelp.  Visit BetterHelp.com/dma today to get 10% off your first month.

5 Aug 202441min

Out of the gate today we are into all the TMI topics like how to wear your gown at the Doctor’s office, mammograms, and what stage of menopause we are in. (Did you know there are five?) Cynthia’s family keeps it real as usual by washing their healthy vitamins full of fruits and veggies down with Diet Dr. Pepper.  Next up we discuss the Olympics, from what our favorite sports are to handball and break dancing, which we are pretty sure are made-up sports. I rehash my prolific synchronized swimming career and share how I impressed (read tortured) my boys on vacation by showing off my skills. Both of us are fresh off of summer family trips where I bribed my boys to play family games, and Cynthia got recognized in a hotel lobby while sternly talking to her family about taking a good picture.  Cynthia is reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont and gives some ideas on how to slow down and take note of the little things in life so we can remember them later. I share how the pressure to list all the needed family improvements can get overwhelming so I am choosing to list what is going well this season. Come laugh with us and be reminded that no matter how messy summer is making memories and taking time with family is invaluable.  Connect with Cynthia Yanof:  Website:  https://cynthiayanof.com/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cynthia.yanof Instagram:  @cynthiayanof  Podcast: MESSmerized  Links Mentioned:   Hiya kids vitamins (see link and discount below) Ilona Maher (@ilonamaher) Crazy Rich Asians | Prime Video Bird by Bird: By Anne Lamott NYT Games: Word Games and Sudoku Cynthia’s apple watch band The Bear (TV Series 2022– ) - IMDb Satin Heatless Curling Set  Bruce’s flat iron from when he chemically straightened his hair Related Episodes: The Goal Isn’t Happy Children :: Cynthia Yanof – Summer of Mentorship – Wk 6 [Ep 419] A Mash-Up of Summer Support [Ep 411] Breaking Up with Perfect :: Summer of Mentorship Week 4 Featured Sponsors:  Hiya–We've worked out a special deal with Hiya for their best selling children's vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/DMA . This deal is not available on their regular website Skylight Calendar-As a special, limited-time offer for our listeners, get $40 off your purchase of a Skylight Calendar when you go to skylightcal.com/ALONE . Find links to this week’s sponsors and unique promo codes at dontmomalone.com/sponsors.

2 Aug 202455min

Do you feel like all the parenting books and formulas do not apply to your child? Is there embarrassment over public behavior that causes conflict? Are you longing for a deep connection with your kids that lasts into adulthood? Today we revisit my conversation with Amy and Jeffrey Olrick. Jeffrey is a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with children and families and uses his knowledge in the science of healthy human development mixed with faith to help us in our family relationships.  They go through the six needs of every child and share a compass to help you find your way when it gets challenging. Jeffrey compares our walk through life to a long and challenging trek with our kids where we can get off course but can use these tools to get back on track and build deeper relationships with our kids. He came to the Lord through Matthew 11:28-30 which says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.  We can take this to heart in parenting and in life that God wants us to be in right relationship with our kids and He has strengthened us with the Holy Spirit to do that job well.  Connect with Amy and Jeffrey Olrick:  Website:  Growing Connected Facebook: Growing Connected Instagram:  Growing Connected (@growingconnected) Summer of Mentorship Discussion Questions: What stood out to you in this week’s episode? Which of the 6 needs is the most hard for you to do with your kids? Why do you think that is the case? Jeffrey talks about sanctification through parenting. Can you reflect on one way you have been sanctified (free from sin or purified) through parenting? Share that win with the group and celebrate how the Lord has changed your life.  What are some things in parenting you’ve been looking for a one-size-fits-all solution for?  Can you shift your question from “What should I do?” to “How can I be with this child?” That process may start by sitting with the Lord so you have the grace and patience to be with your child in hard spaces. Ask the Holy Spirit for the ability to know what each kid needs at each moment.  Links Mentioned:   Growing Connected Podcast - Growing Connected The 6 Needs of Every Child: Amy and Jeffrey Olrick Which Need Do You Respond to the Most? - Growing Connected (Quiz)   Related Episodes: The “Don’t Miss” List :: Celebrating 10 Years of Don’t Mom Alone [Ep 434] Grace Based Discipline for Kids with Unique Needs :: Karis Murray [Ep 237] Understand Your Developing Teen :: Dr. Nell Bush [Ep 351] Featured Sponsors:  Thrive Causemetics: Refresh your everyday look with Thrive Causemetics. Beauty that gives back. Right now get 10% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/DMA. Duncan and Stone Paper Company: Right now, we have a special offer for listeners: Get 20% off your first order with promo code DMA20. And did we mention that they offer free shipping on any order over $49? You know we’re a sucker for free shipping. Head to www.duncanandstone.com  to start your memory making journey today! Find links to this week’s sponsors and unique promo codes at dontmomalone.com/sponsors.

29 Juli 202451min

I love Kirk’s realistic approach to parenting. He understands what your home dynamics are like. And gives practical tips. After listening to today’s episode you will have at least three different “tricks” to apply. Most of all, I’m thankful for the new perspective he has given me. Kirk helped me recognize how emotionally invested I was in my boys’ behavior and freed me from the need to regulate their behavior for them. The last couple days I’ve enjoyed the boys more. I’m also less tense and frustrated when we are out in public. In fact, I may need to go back and listen to this episode more than once, so it sticks! This episode originally aired in May of 2015 Kirk came back on the show multiple times. Check out additional episodes here. What we chat about: Kirk’s realization that he needed to focus on his own behavior and stop trying to fix his son’s strong-willed behavior. The switch he made from training 1500 kids in his home to training parents to calm themselves. The one thing you can do today to de-escalate a tense situation in your home. How to calmly handle your child’s meltdown I can only control one person in life, and that’s me. How motion changes emotion–helping little ones calm down b/c they don’t know how to “think” their way out. What to do in the middle of Target aisle 3 when your child freaks out Handling a tantruming child when his siblings are fighting and another needs help with homework and dinner is cooking (Heather’s daily 5 pm reality). If you don’t care enough about yourself, to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually. . .why would anyone else care? How sometimes parents want good behavior so badly, they are too invested in it and give children too much control. How to be an impartial giver of wisdom. Write down your emotional triggers & do the opposite of what you normally do. Connect with Kirk: Site :: Twitter :: Facebook :: Podcast Links Mentioned: CDs/DVDs 888-506-1871–Toll Free Number for Frustrated Parents Summer of Mentorship Discussion Questions:  Discuss Kirk’s realization that he needed to focus on his own behavior and stop trying to fix his son’s strong-willed behavior. If you struggle to stay calm when your kids are out of control, what are some of your triggers?  Which of Kirk’s ideas to de-escalate a situation is most realistic for you? Thinking about how motion changes emotion. How did you react to Kirk’s idea of being an “impartial giver of wisdom” instead of being so invested in how your kids behave?  Spend some time working through a part of your day that is most challenging or a situation with a particular child and brainstorm ways you could respond differently. Share with others in the group and get their ideas if you are willing.  Featured Sponsors:  Thrive Market: Save time and money and shop Thrive Market today. Go to ThriveMarket.com/DMA for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift!  Better Help: This episode is sponsored by Better Help.  Stop comparing and start focusing, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/dma today to get 10% off your first month. Greenlight: This episode is sponsored by Greenlight. Sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to Greenlight.com/dma.

22 Juli 202429min

On September 20, 2021, Makayla Noble, a world-champion cheerleader, suffered an injury that resulted in a severe spinal cord injury. Both Cynthia and I were part of her extended community and were getting updates on her healing journey and how to pray for her.  Today we have the honor of interviewing her to see how God has used her life to glorify Him even when things don’t go as planned.  From the moment of her accident, Makayla felt the overwhelming peace of God, that He was going to take care of her and had a plan. She has mourned her physical body and what she thought the future would look like but remains in the truth that “God is not done with me yet”.  Come along with us as we hear Makayla’s story.  Connect with Makayla Noble:  Website:  Makayla Noble | Mak's Warriors Youtube: Makayla Noble - YouTube Instagram:  Makayla Noble (@makaylamnoble) Links Mentioned:   Joni and Friends | Sharing Hope Through Hardship ATF Official Home Page | AdaptiveTrainingFoundation.org The Chosen TV Series Related Episodes: How to Never Miss Out :: Vaneetha Risner [Ep 402] RWYB Series wk 1 Praising Through the Pain of Physical Limitations :: Karen Harmon [Ep 231] Finding Your Voice :: Sandi Patty [Ep 224] Featured Sponsors:  Duncan and Stone–-Get 20% off your first order with promo code DMA20. And did we mention that they offer free shipping on any order over $49? You know we’re a sucker for free shipping. -Head to www.duncanandstone.com  to start your memory making journey today! Find links to this week’s sponsors and unique promo codes at dontmomalone.com/sponsors.

15 Juli 202446min

A few years ago on an Instagram survey I learned that 68% of y’all have experienced broken friendships. I knew we needed an episode to help. Licensed professional counselor Shundria Riddick is here to walk us through some healthy ways to work toward reconciliation and how to know when to walk away from a hurtful friendship. We talk about setting healthy boundaries, having clarifying conversations, and how to analyze the health of relationships. We also cover the new trend of Millennials cutting off their parents and how to heal those wounds and come to new understandings.  With the busyness of parenting, work, and family- friendships often take the back burner. Shundria is here to help us make them a priority and learn how to move forward into healthy relationships even if we have been hurt in the past.  Connect with Shundria Riddick:  Website:  Shundria Riddick Facebook: Shundria Riddick MA, LPC Instagram:  Shundria Riddick (@shundriariddick) Links Mentioned:   Relax – Shundria Riddick, MA LPC  Related Episodes: The Unicorn That is Adult Friendship :: Cynthia Yanof – Summer of Mentorship – Wk 3 [Ep 416] Friendship is Hard :: Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston [Ep 350] Healing Friendship Wounds :: Lisa-Jo Baker [Ep 159] Summer of Mentorship Discussion Questions: What stood out to you in this week's podcast?  Have you had a broken friendship or relationship?  What has been your experience of walking away from a friendship in the past? What boundaries do you set on friendships and how do you communicate them? Sit still and ask God to help you filter through a relationship that you have trouble with. Are you navigating it the way he wants you to?  Featured Sponsors:  Thrive Causemetics-Refresh your everyday look with Thrive Causemetics. Beauty that gives back. Right now, you can get an exclusive 10% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/DMA  Greenlight-Greenlight: This episode is sponsored by Greenlight. Sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to Greenlight.com/dma  Find links to this week’s sponsors and unique promo codes at dontmomalone.com/sponsors.

8 Juli 202437min

**earbud alert–if you listen with little ones around may want to pop in the ole earbuds or be prepared to have lots of conversations ;) **  We kick off today looking like we are going to two separate events, with one dressed up and one in athleisure. Are you team shorts or team dresses for summer? We give some summer updates including how to feed ALL of the teens that are home and my 1980’s drink that is keeping 4 boys hydrated. Social media has us convinced that everyone is traveling to Italy this summer, was there a BOGO deal we missed? Recapping the last month  includes a funeral for our young friend Pike who lost his battle with leukemia and how powerfully his family honored him at the touching memorial.  I was reeling emotionally going from graduation to funeral to medieval times with sixth graders then wisdom tooth removal for my college-bound son.  Join us today as we get sidetracked and share the hard and joyful parts of summer 2024.  Connect with Cynthia Yanof:  Website:  https://cynthiayanof.com/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cynthia.yanof Instagram:  @cynthiayanof  Podcast: MESSmerized  Links Mentioned:   Heather’s slip shorts Heather’s summer meal plan Cynthia’s pesto chicken slider recipe Country Time Lemonade Drink Mix Stem Cell Donor Matching Program in Pike’s Honor: Anyone 18-55 that is in good health can request an at home swab kit at https://www.dkms.org/get-involved/virtual-drives/gettypedforpike  Heather’s Air fryer Audible Books & Originals The Silent Patient: by Alex Michaelides The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: by John Mark Comer The Women: by Kristin Hannah Greenlights: by Matthew McConaughey Funny Story: Emily Henry All My Knotted-Up Life: A Memoir by Beth Moore Zipper bags for moving Cynthia’s portable charger Stanley Quencher H2.0 FlowState Stainless Steel Vacuum Insulated Tumbler TRUE LEMON Water Enhancer The Jess Connolly Podcast Episode 8 — Jess Connolly— “Must Be Nice Disease” Related Episodes: Let’s Talk about Sex :: Mary Flo Ridley and Megan Michelson [Ep 328] Preparing Now for Future Puberty and Masturbation Questions :: Megan Michelson and Mary Flo Ridley [Ep 243] Birds and Bees (Continuing the Conversation) :: Mary Flo Ridley and Megan Michelson [Ep 153] Sidetracked with Beth McCord :: Cynthia and Heather [Ep 473] Sidetracked with Toni Collier :: Cynthia and Heather [Ep 468] Featured Sponsors:  Gabb Wireless –Gabb is offering $25 off any device to new customers–with no contract required! That’s $25 off any Gabb smartphone or smart watch. Go to Gabb.com/DMA use code DMA.  Find links to this week’s sponsors and unique promo codes at dontmomalone.com/sponsors.

5 Juli 202442min