133. OCD or Intuition? How to Spot Real Relationship Red Flags with Ally Kristan
The OCD Whisperer Podcast with Kristina Orlova15 Apr

133. OCD or Intuition? How to Spot Real Relationship Red Flags with Ally Kristan

There’s a quiet tension in love when you live with OCD—an unshakable feeling that something’s off, followed by crushing doubt: Is this real, or is it just my disorder? You learn to second-guess yourself, to dismiss your instincts, to stay in places that feel unsafe because your brain tells you fear is always a lie. But what if it isn’t?

In this episode of The OCD Whisperer Podcast, host Kristina Orlova talks with marine biologist, Antarctic researcher, and Braving the Waves author Ally Kristan about the dangerous intersection of OCD and relationships. Diagnosed at 12, Ally knows how OCD can distort reality—how you can mistake manipulation for reassurance, red flags for intrusive thoughts, and chaos for normalcy.

Together, they explore the heart of the dilemma: How do you trust yourself when your mind has betrayed you before? OCD doesn’t just invent fears—it can bury real ones, conditioning you to ignore the quiet voice that says, This isn’t right.

They unpack how manipulative partners exploit OCD’s vulnerabilities—love bombing, gaslighting, instability disguised as passion. And they offer a counterpoint: what safe, steady love can actually feel like.

This episode isn’t just insight—it’s an invitation. To stop gaslighting yourself. To reclaim your instincts. To step into relationships that feel like peace instead of war.

The question isn’t can you trust yourself again. It’s: are you ready to try? Let’s get into it!

In This Episode

  • [00:03] Introduction to Ally Kristan
  • [01:00] Understanding OCD's impact
  • [01:24] Distinguishing intrusive thoughts
  • [02:32] Toxic relationships and therapy
  • [04:48] Recognizing red flags
  • [05:38] Love bombing explained
  • [09:29] Gaslighting and its effects
  • [10:12] Identifying healthy relationships
  • [14:22] The role of reassurance in relationships
  • [15:05] Navigating compulsive behaviors
  • [16:18] Understanding relationship dynamics
  • [16:46] Understanding OCD and relationships
  • [17:10] Healthy relationship dynamics
  • [18:07] Identifying toxic traits
  • [18:54] Consistency in relationships
  • [20:01] Evaluating relationship feelings
  • [20:32] Comparing friendships to relationships
  • [22:18] Good days vs. bad days
  • [22:56] Rebuilding trust in instincts
  • [23:21] Meditation for clarity
  • [26:43] Nature as a healing tool
  • [27:13] Finding the right meditation
  • [28:32] Time and practice for intuition
  • [29:20] Differentiating symptoms
  • [32:03] Closing thoughts and Ally’s resources

Notable Quotes

  • [02:09] “It is really difficult to know the difference between the OCD noise and something that your gut instinct is telling you, especially in relationships." — Ally
  • [06:52] "Love bombing is definitely something to look out for, especially if it's somebody pursuing you who you're not initially interested in. That should be a little bit of a red flag." — Ally
  • [08:42] "When you're with someone who does truly love you and have your best interest at heart, they're going to make it feel like loving you is easier than breathing." — Ally
  • [09:37] "Gaslighting is when somebody is basically making you doubt your own sense of reality." — Ally
  • [17:47] "I really do believe that if you're with somebody who's really making you safe and really does have your best interest at heart, it's not going to exacerbate your OCD symptoms." — Ally
  • [28:40] "Trying to regain touch with your own intuition and mind again, it takes time and practice and consistency, but once you get there, it's like the floodgates are open and such a sense of restored peace." — Ally

Our Guest

Ally Kristan is a marine biologist, wildlife advocate, and author of Braving the Waves, a memoir exploring her journey with OCD and toxic relationships. Her work has been featured in National Geographic, NPR, and Audubon Magazine. Through speaking engagements and her Instagram (@UpYourAlly), Ally empowers others to reclaim self-trust and navigate mental health challenges with resilience.

Resources & Links

Kristina Orlova, LMFT

Ally Kristan

Disclaimer

Please note, while our host is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in OCD and anxiety disorders in the state of California, this podcast is for educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for therapy.

Stay tuned for bi-weekly episodes filled with valuable insights and tips for managing OCD and anxiety. And remember, keep going in the meantime. See you in the next episode!

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53. Interview with Paul Mc Carroll on What if Recovery Becomes a Compulsion?

53. Interview with Paul Mc Carroll on What if Recovery Becomes a Compulsion?

Learn all things OCD with the OCD Whisperer Podcast.   Today I interview Paul Mc Carroll from Belfast, Ireland who is an OCD and anxiety specialist, therapist, and mental health trainer.   Here are some questions I asked: When recovery turns into a compulsion, what can someone do? How does stress play into OCD and when feeling exhausted by OCD how does one manage that? What could self -care look like? How can ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) aid in recovery? Paul Mc Carroll's website: www.befreefromocd.com Instagram: @befreefromocd Facebook: @befreefromocd ***   IG @ocdwhisperer  Resources for OCD eBk: How to Stop Compulsive Rumination + 30 day journal Facebook Podcast Community   _____ Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes.  Though I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in California & specialize in OCD and Anxiety Disorders, this does not replace therapy.    See you in the next episode!   Keep going in the meantime.   *Episodes come out out bi-weekly.

10 Jan 202216min

52. Interview with Kelley Franke on How do OCD symptoms return?

52. Interview with Kelley Franke on How do OCD symptoms return?

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51. Interview with Dr. Jonathan Grayson on OCD, recovery, and motivation

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13 Dec 202132min

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49. Interview with Ethan Smith on Recovery from OCD

49. Interview with Ethan Smith on Recovery from OCD

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15 Nov 202119min

48. Interview with Jason Adams about being a dad with OCD

48. Interview with Jason Adams about being a dad with OCD

Learn all things OCD with the OCD Whisperer Podcast.   Today I talk to Jason Adams about being a dad with OCD.  Here are the questions we cover: Does OCD get in the way of parenting? How do you manage OCD around kids? How does your anxiety influence your kids anxiety? The OCDad Book ***   IG @ocdwhisperer  Resources for OCD eBk: How to Stop Compulsive Rumination + 30 day journal Facebook Podcast Community   _____ Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes.  Though I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in California & specialize in OCD and Anxiety Disorders, this does not replace therapy.    See you in the next episode!   Keep going in the meantime.   *Episodes come out out bi-weekly.

1 Nov 202120min

47. Overcoming Taboo Intrusive Thoughts Part 3 with Matt Codde

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Learn all things OCD with the OCD Whisperer Podcast.   Today we discuss what treatment can look like and that it IS possible to recover from OCD! Check out the episode and register for the LIVE workshop below!   October 27th, 2021 at 12 PM PST! This is part 3 of a 3 part series. ***   IG @ocdwhisperer  Resources for OCD eBk: How to Stop Compulsive Rumination + 30 day journal Facebook Podcast Community   _____ Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes.  Though I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in California & specialize in OCD and Anxiety Disorders, this does not replace therapy.    See you in the next episode!   Keep going in the meantime.   *Episodes come out out bi-weekly.

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46. Overcoming Taboo Intrusive Thoughts Part 2 with Matt Codde

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