133. OCD or Intuition? How to Spot Real Relationship Red Flags with Ally Kristan
The OCD Whisperer Podcast with Kristina Orlova15 Apr

133. OCD or Intuition? How to Spot Real Relationship Red Flags with Ally Kristan

There’s a quiet tension in love when you live with OCD—an unshakable feeling that something’s off, followed by crushing doubt: Is this real, or is it just my disorder? You learn to second-guess yourself, to dismiss your instincts, to stay in places that feel unsafe because your brain tells you fear is always a lie. But what if it isn’t?

In this episode of The OCD Whisperer Podcast, host Kristina Orlova talks with marine biologist, Antarctic researcher, and Braving the Waves author Ally Kristan about the dangerous intersection of OCD and relationships. Diagnosed at 12, Ally knows how OCD can distort reality—how you can mistake manipulation for reassurance, red flags for intrusive thoughts, and chaos for normalcy.

Together, they explore the heart of the dilemma: How do you trust yourself when your mind has betrayed you before? OCD doesn’t just invent fears—it can bury real ones, conditioning you to ignore the quiet voice that says, This isn’t right.

They unpack how manipulative partners exploit OCD’s vulnerabilities—love bombing, gaslighting, instability disguised as passion. And they offer a counterpoint: what safe, steady love can actually feel like.

This episode isn’t just insight—it’s an invitation. To stop gaslighting yourself. To reclaim your instincts. To step into relationships that feel like peace instead of war.

The question isn’t can you trust yourself again. It’s: are you ready to try? Let’s get into it!

In This Episode

  • [00:03] Introduction to Ally Kristan
  • [01:00] Understanding OCD's impact
  • [01:24] Distinguishing intrusive thoughts
  • [02:32] Toxic relationships and therapy
  • [04:48] Recognizing red flags
  • [05:38] Love bombing explained
  • [09:29] Gaslighting and its effects
  • [10:12] Identifying healthy relationships
  • [14:22] The role of reassurance in relationships
  • [15:05] Navigating compulsive behaviors
  • [16:18] Understanding relationship dynamics
  • [16:46] Understanding OCD and relationships
  • [17:10] Healthy relationship dynamics
  • [18:07] Identifying toxic traits
  • [18:54] Consistency in relationships
  • [20:01] Evaluating relationship feelings
  • [20:32] Comparing friendships to relationships
  • [22:18] Good days vs. bad days
  • [22:56] Rebuilding trust in instincts
  • [23:21] Meditation for clarity
  • [26:43] Nature as a healing tool
  • [27:13] Finding the right meditation
  • [28:32] Time and practice for intuition
  • [29:20] Differentiating symptoms
  • [32:03] Closing thoughts and Ally’s resources

Notable Quotes

  • [02:09] “It is really difficult to know the difference between the OCD noise and something that your gut instinct is telling you, especially in relationships." — Ally
  • [06:52] "Love bombing is definitely something to look out for, especially if it's somebody pursuing you who you're not initially interested in. That should be a little bit of a red flag." — Ally
  • [08:42] "When you're with someone who does truly love you and have your best interest at heart, they're going to make it feel like loving you is easier than breathing." — Ally
  • [09:37] "Gaslighting is when somebody is basically making you doubt your own sense of reality." — Ally
  • [17:47] "I really do believe that if you're with somebody who's really making you safe and really does have your best interest at heart, it's not going to exacerbate your OCD symptoms." — Ally
  • [28:40] "Trying to regain touch with your own intuition and mind again, it takes time and practice and consistency, but once you get there, it's like the floodgates are open and such a sense of restored peace." — Ally

Our Guest

Ally Kristan is a marine biologist, wildlife advocate, and author of Braving the Waves, a memoir exploring her journey with OCD and toxic relationships. Her work has been featured in National Geographic, NPR, and Audubon Magazine. Through speaking engagements and her Instagram (@UpYourAlly), Ally empowers others to reclaim self-trust and navigate mental health challenges with resilience.

Resources & Links

Kristina Orlova, LMFT

Ally Kristan

Disclaimer

Please note, while our host is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in OCD and anxiety disorders in the state of California, this podcast is for educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for therapy.

Stay tuned for bi-weekly episodes filled with valuable insights and tips for managing OCD and anxiety. And remember, keep going in the meantime. See you in the next episode!

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85. Unraveling the Intricacies of OCD and PTSD- Insights from Bronwyn Shroyer and Dr. Caitlin Pinciatti

85. Unraveling the Intricacies of OCD and PTSD- Insights from Bronwyn Shroyer and Dr. Caitlin Pinciatti

Learn #allthingsocd with the OCD Whisperer Channel.   Take control of your OCD with the "Be OCD Free" course. Start your ERP journey and say goodbye to intrusive thoughts. Learn practical strategies and take the first step towards a brighter, OCD-free future. Enroll now! www.beocdfree.com   *** Unlocking intricacies of OCD and PTSD with two incredible specialists. For anyone who wants to gain a deeper understanding of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), listen now.   For more information about Dr. Caitlin Pinciotti: Website: https://www.cmpinciotti.com If you are interested in participating in a research study on traumatic and stressful life events, contact: OCDTraumaStudy@bcm.edu OR https://bcmpsych.sjc1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0j4ULJv3DxUaKtE   For more information about Bronwyn Shroyer, LCSW Website: https://www.bronwynshroyer.com OCD Training School Website: https://ocdtrainingschool.com/   *** Please note, while our host is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in OCD and anxiety disorders in the state of California, this podcast is for educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for therapy.   Stay tuned for bi-weekly episodes filled with valuable insights and tips for managing OCD and anxiety. And remember, keep going in the meantime. See you in the next episode!

3 Apr 202323min

84. Madison on becoming an OCD Therapist and Health Anxiety

84. Madison on becoming an OCD Therapist and Health Anxiety

Learn #allthingsocd with the OCD Whisperer Channel.   Take control of your OCD with the "Be OCD Free" course. Start your ERP journey and say goodbye to intrusive thoughts. Learn practical strategies and take the first step towards a brighter, OCD-free future. Enroll now! www.beocdfree.com   *** Today I talk to Madison on becoming an #ocd therapist and health anxiety. Madison's social links: Etsy shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/Obsessivelystrong Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/obsessivelystrong   *** Please note, while our host is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in OCD and anxiety disorders in the state of California, this podcast is for educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for therapy.   Stay tuned for bi-weekly episodes filled with valuable insights and tips for managing OCD and anxiety. And remember, keep going in the meantime. See you in the next episode!

22 Mars 202322min

83. Christina Ennabe and I discuss later-life OCD diagnosis

83. Christina Ennabe and I discuss later-life OCD diagnosis

Learn all things OCD with the OCD Whisperer Podcast. #allthingsocd   In this discussion, Christina Ennabe and I explore the experience of being diagnosed with OCD in adulthood. We delve into the unique challenges and considerations that come with receiving an OCD diagnosis later in life.   We also discuss different ways to cope with and manage the condition. Join us as we explore this important topic.   To learn more about her work: www.christinaennabe.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/christinacounsels/   *** Virtual IOP and Individual OCD Therapy with Kristina Orlova (CA residents only) 30 day digital or paperback journal to help stop ruminating OCD Whisperer YouTube Channel IG @ocdwhisperer    _____ Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes.  Though I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in California & specialize in OCD and Anxiety Disorders, this does not replace therapy.    See you in the next episode!   Keep going in the meantime.   *Episodes come out out bi-weekly.

6 Mars 202333min

82. Insightful conversation with Nicole Morris on Motherhood and OCD

82. Insightful conversation with Nicole Morris on Motherhood and OCD

Learn all things OCD with the OCD Whisperer Podcast. #allthingsocd   Join us for a candid interview with Nicole Morris, a mom, podcaster and a therapist who's sharing her journey of raising children while living with OCD. Nicole talks about the challenges and joys of motherhood and how her OCD diagnosis has impacted her life as a parent. Whether you're a parent, caregiver, or simply curious about mental health, this interview is a must.   Website: https://www.ocdfamilypodcast.com/     *** Virtual IOP and Individual OCD Therapy with Kristina Orlova (CA residents only) 30 day digital or paperback journal to help stop ruminating OCD Whisperer YouTube Channel IG @ocdwhisperer    _____ Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes.  Though I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in California & specialize in OCD and Anxiety Disorders, this does not replace therapy.    See you in the next episode!   Keep going in the meantime.   *Episodes come out out bi-weekly.

24 Feb 202341min

81. Interview with Natasha Daniels on Misophonia

81. Interview with Natasha Daniels on Misophonia

Learn all things OCD with the OCD Whisperer Podcast. #allthingsocd   Unlock the Secrets of Misophonia with Natasha Daniels! Join the conversation with one of the leading experts in the field of OCD and Anxiety. Natasha Daniels shares her insights and knowledge. Don't miss this exciting opportunity to expand your understanding of Misophonia. Listen now! For further exploration, discover Natasha's cutting-edge resources and delve deeper into her work. Empower yourself with knowledge and expand your horizons. Check out these resources today! Website: www.ATparentingSurvival.com Book: https://www.amazon.com/Natasha-Daniels/e/B011K5IIWA Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@UCuoDSSCePQ6xkbi2FJNm9kA     *** IOP and Individual OCD Therapy with Kristina Orlova (CA residents only) 30 day digital or paperback journal to help stop ruminating OCD Whisperer YouTube Channel IG @ocdwhisperer    _____ Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes.  Though I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in California & specialize in OCD and Anxiety Disorders, this does not replace therapy.    See you in the next episode!   Keep going in the meantime.   *Episodes come out out bi-weekly.

6 Feb 202318min

80. Interview with Shaun Flores on OCD and the Black Community

80. Interview with Shaun Flores on OCD and the Black Community

Learn all things OCD with the OCD Whisperer Podcast. #allthingsocd   Shaun Flores and I discussed OCD and the Black Community.   Listen to find out more.    If you are interested in learning more about Shaun Flores check out these resources: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theshaunflores/  Resources: https://linktr.ee/theshaunflores    *** IOP and Individual OCD Therapy with Kristina Orlova (CA residents only) 30 day digital or paperback journal to help stop ruminating OCD Whisperer YouTube Channel IG @ocdwhisperer    _____ Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes.  Though I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in California & specialize in OCD and Anxiety Disorders, this does not replace therapy.    See you in the next episode!   Keep going in the meantime.   *Episodes come out out bi-weekly.

25 Jan 202322min

79. Interview with Dr. Jonathan Hoffman (NBI) about Substance use and OCD

79. Interview with Dr. Jonathan Hoffman (NBI) about Substance use and OCD

Learn all things OCD with the OCD Whisperer Podcast. #allthingsocd   Dr. Jonathan Hoffman and I discussed Substance Use and OCD treatment.   Listen to find out more.    If you are interested in learning more about Dr. Hoffmans work at NBI, check out these resources: https://www.facebook.com/nbiweston https://www.linkedin.com/company/nbiweston/ https://www.youtube.com/user/NBIWESTON/videos https://www.instagram.com/nbiweston/?hl=en https://twitter.com/nbi_weston ***   IOP and Individual OCD Therapy with Kristina Orlova (CA residents only) 30 day digital journal to help stop ruminating ($8.95 paperback) OCD Whisperer YouTube Channel IG @ocdwhisperer    _____ Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes.  Though I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in California & specialize in OCD and Anxiety Disorders, this does not replace therapy.    See you in the next episode!   Keep going in the meantime.   *Episodes come out out bi-weekly.

9 Jan 202323min

78. Interview with Mike Heady on what kind of therapy is ICBT for OCD?

78. Interview with Mike Heady on what kind of therapy is ICBT for OCD?

Learn all things OCD with the OCD Whisperer Podcast. #allthingsocd   Mike Heady and I discussed what kind of therapy is ICBT? Is it meta-cognitive therapy? Is it cognitive therapy for OCD?   Listen to find out.    If you are interested in learning more about Mike Heady, check out these resources: Website Instagram Email michaelheady@anxietyandstress.com ***   IOP and Individual OCD Therapy with Kristina Orlova (CA residents only) 30 day digital journal to help stop ruminating ($8.95 paperback) OCD Whisperer YouTube Channel IG @ocdwhisperer    _____ Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes.  Though I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in California & specialize in OCD and Anxiety Disorders, this does not replace therapy.    See you in the next episode!   Keep going in the meantime.   *Episodes come out out bi-weekly.

26 Dec 202228min

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