Episode 53: Couples Therapy with a Narcissist? Think Twice

Starting over doesn’t always feel bold. Most of the time, it looks like picking up something familiar, like a book, a journal, or a forgotten dream, and doing it simply to feel like yourself again.   In this episode, I’m joined by Zibby Owens, an author, podcast host, and the founder of Zibby Media, who shares what it looked like to rebuild her life after divorce. At 40, with four young kids and weekends suddenly quiet, she didn’t launch into some grand reinvention. She started writing again. And then she kept going.   We talk about what happens when the life you’ve built no longer fits and how to begin again when everything feels uncertain. Zibby opens up about grief, rejection, single parenthood, and the slow return to her own identity. She shares how structure helped her move forward, how creativity gave her something to hold onto, and how including her kids in her work helped her feel more connected as both a parent and a person.   If you’re in a season of starting over, or even thinking about it, I think you’ll find this conversation both grounding and encouraging. Zibby’s story is a reminder that you don’t need to have it all figured out to begin. You just need one small step in the direction of who you are.   Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction 04:05 Restarting Life After Divorce at 40 07:04 How Zibby Built a Media Career from Scratch 08:10 Living with Urgency and Purpose 12:08 Coping with Co-Parenting Grief 15:09 The Power of Small, Consistent Steps 17:04 Structure, Routine, and Mental Health 18:08 Reclaiming Identity After Motherhood 19:04 Involving Kids in Career and Purpose 23:35 Advice for Women Facing Divorce   Links Connect with Zibby Owens: https://www.instagram.com/zibbyowens/ zibbymedia.com https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/totally-booked-with-zibby/id1366633318   Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

11 Apr 30min

A car ride with a narcissist can quickly shift from routine to one of the most dangerous and controlling dynamics in the relationship.   In this episode, I’m talking about something I see all the time in my work: how narcissists use driving as a form of coercive control. The car becomes more than just a way to get from one place to another. It becomes a tool for power, manipulation, and fear. If you’ve ever felt anxious, unsafe, or completely stuck during what should be a simple drive, you’re not imagining it.   I share the patterns I hear from clients again and again: partners making them late on purpose, driving recklessly, refusing to hand over the keys, or locking the doors to prevent them from getting out. These aren’t accidents. These are tactics.   I also walk through real strategies you can use if you’re in this kind of situation. Things like not revealing how important an event is, finding alternate transportation when possible, and staying emotionally neutral when you’re being baited. They’re small steps, but they can help you take back a sense of control when everything else feels chaotic.   If any of this sounds familiar, I hope this episode helps you name it, and start finding ways to protect your time, your energy, and your autonomy.   Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction  02:32 Significance of Driving in Narcissistic Abuse 04:00 Control and Independence in Driving 06:08 Ownership and Control of the Car 10:23 Reckless Driving to Instill Fear 12:22 Creating Fear and Providing Safety 15:06 Verbal and Physical Abuse in the Car 19:55 Limiting Access to a Car 21:21 Identifying Patterns of Abuse 22:53 Strategies to Regain Control 25:56 Concrete Behaviors to Counter Manipulation   Links Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

4 Apr 28min

Many people raised by toxic parents or caregivers don’t always recognize the abuse present in their upbringing. It’s often not until their adult relationships begin to break apart that they become aware of the abusive behavior patterns repeating from their childhood.    In this episode, I’m joined by mental health advocate and best-selling author Josh Connolly for a powerful and honest conversation about what toxic parenting really looks like and its lasting impact. We talk about parents’ refusal to take accountability, how dysfunction gets passed off as the family “norm,” and why adult children carry guilt and shame about something they were once powerless to change.    Josh discusses his use of  the word “toxic,” and how emotional abuse often flies under the radar. Josh also explains his “body first” approach to recovery, including how reconnecting with your body—and using tools like breathwork—can help regulate your nervous system and make space for emotional clarity.   We tackle the popular notion of having to forgive in order to move forward, offering our explanation as to why this is not always the case, and discuss the difference between forgiveness and acceptance .   If you’ve experienced an upbringing within the context of toxic parenting, and as a result, have difficulty trusting your own internal experiences, or feel guilty for setting boundaries, you’ll find this episode incredibly validating.   Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction  03:06 Breathwork and Nervous System Regulation 05:23 Understanding Empathy and Boundaries 07:55 Defining Toxic Parents 09:00 Emotional Abuse and Power Dynamics 12:00 Misdiagnosis and Appropriate Reactions 17:10 Appropriate Reactions to Dysfunctional Environments 19:27 The Issue of Forgiveness 24:01 The Dangers of Pushing Forgiveness 27:06 Realizing the Truth About Toxic Upbringings 32:05 The Importance of Being Held and Supported 35:13 Josh Connolly’s Book: Purpose and Content 42:06 The Importance of Truth and Authenticity   Links Connect with Josh Connolly: https://www.instagram.com/josh_ffw/ https://www.facebook.com/joshffw https://www.tiktok.com/@josh_ffw https://twitter.com/josh_ffw https://www.youtube.com/c/JoshConnolly_FFW   Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

28 Mars 47min

Some betrayals do more than take money. They shatter trust in ways that can never fully be repaired. I sat down with Charlie Webster, the host, producer and writer of the top international podcast, Scamanda, to break down the shocking deception behind the story and the emotional damage it left behind.   Amanda Riley didn’t just lie about having cancer. She built an entire identity around it. She shaved her head, posted hospital photos, and wrote heartfelt blog updates, all while collecting over $100,000 in donations. But what makes someone go to such extremes? And how does that kind of deception affect the people who believed in her?   Charlie shared what it was like to uncover Amanda’s story, exposing how someone so seemingly normal managed to fool so many for so long. We explored the psychology behind these kinds of lies—why people are drawn to them, how victims struggle to process the betrayal, and what Amanda’s case reveals about manipulation, trust, and the stories we tell ourselves.   We also talked about Amanda’s husband, Corey. Did he know? Should he have? And what does this entire saga say about the way we judge people based on the image they present?   If you’ve ever felt deceived, questioned your instincts, or wondered how far someone would go for validation, this episode will make you think twice about what we choose to believe and why.   Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction  05:01 The Complexity of Human Behavior in Scamanda 07:11 The Intrigue of Amanda Riley’s Story 10:47 The Emotional Impact on Victims 15:01 The Relatability and Extremity of Amanda’s Actions 18:01 The Nuances of Amanda’s Deception 23:32 Amanda Riley’s Identity and Motivation 30:43 The Function of Dysfunctional Behaviors 36:03 The Reality of Amanda’s Actions and Empathy 38:31 The Importance of Public Awareness 41:07 Why Amanda Agreed to Speak with Charlie   Links Watch Scamanda Hulu https://www.hulu.com/series/f4ec2a4c-e234-4658-8728-1d17d1725b89 Watch Scamanda on ABC https://abc.com/show/1056ec91-9c44-4671-ae98-3c9feb3f35b3 Listen to Scamanda podcast wherever you get your podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/scamanda/id1685691481   Connect with Charlie Webster: Instagram @charliewebster Website www.charliewebster.com Why It’s OK to Talk About Trauma book https://amzn.to/41F5OUy   Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

21 Mars 1h 3min

Coercive control is about trying to take away someone’s autonomy and agency. It’s a form of domestic abuse that is often misunderstood and frequently dismissed. In this replay episode, I sit down with the incredible Laura Richards—renowned criminal behavioral analyst and expert on domestic violence—to break it all down.   Laura and I discuss the misuse of terms like “narcissistic abuse” and “toxic relationships,” and why getting the terminology right is critical. When these words are misapplied, it can cause real harm, making it harder for victims to recognize what’s happening to them and for others to take it seriously. We also talk about the broader societal factors that allow domestic violence to persist and why these patterns are so deeply embedded.   We take a closer look at high-profile cases like Gabby Petito and Lauren Dunne Astley to illustrate how coercive control plays out in real life and the devastating consequences it can have. Laura also sheds light on how the media often memorializes male perpetrators while subtly placing blame on victims, a pattern that continues to fuel dangerous misconceptions.   Beyond analyzing the problem, Laura shares the incredible work she’s doing to have coercive control legally recognized as a form of domestic abuse. She explains why advocacy, education, and legal reform are essential to protecting victims and shifting the way society understands domestic violence.   This is an eye-opening conversation, and one I hope will help others recognize coercive control for what it is.   Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction  02:29 Defining Narcissistic Abuse and Toxic Relationships 04:15 Misuse of the Term “Narcissist” 06:17 Psychopathy and Domestic Violence 09:04 Violent Resistance in Domestic Violence 11:43 Breakup Violence and Coercive Control 18:29 Gender Roles and Social Conditioning 26:15 Recognizing Non-Obvious Patterns of Abuse 30:18 Devaluation and Pedestalization in Relationships 33:56 Concept of Unfreedom in Coercive Control 38:50 Insidious Nature of Coercive Control 41:06 Cultural and Traditional Reinforcement of Male Privilege 47:35 Legal Recognition of Coercive Control Connect with Laura Richards: https://www.youtube.com/@crimeanalyst https://www.crime-analyst.com https://wondery.com/shows/real-crime-profile/ www.thelaurarichards.com https://www.dashriskchecklist.com/ Insta: https://www.instagram.com/laurarichards999/?hl=en https://www.instagram.com/crimeanalyst/?hl=en TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@crimeanalystpod?lang=en Twitter: https://twitter.com/laurarichards99 https://twitter.com/thecrimeanalyst   Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   The Z Group is now accepting patients nationwide! (Some state exclusions apply). Schedule here: https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/new-patient-form Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop Mindfully Messy and Make Mistakes hoodies here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

14 Mars 1h 9min

Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t just about moving on. It’s about rebuilding who you are and learning to trust yourself again.   In this episode, I’m answering your questions on what it takes to heal, navigate life after a narcissistic relationship, and co-parent in a way that gives your children stability. If dating again feels impossible or you find yourself second-guessing every new relationship, you’re not alone. Narcissistic abuse erodes your sense of self, and I’ll explain why taking time before jumping into something new is one of the best things you can do for your healing.   Leaving a narcissist isn’t just difficult. It requires a plan. I’ll share why revealing your intentions too soon can put you at risk, how to prepare emotionally and financially, and what to expect when dealing with high-conflict custody battles. I’ll also break down how narcissistic traits can be passed down through emotionally immature parenting and what you can do to help your children develop a healthy sense of self.   If you’re struggling to move forward, wondering if you’ll ever feel like yourself again, or trying to co-parent with someone who thrives on chaos, this episode is for you. Let’s talk about how to take your power back.   Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction 01:13 Answering Listener Questions 01:55 How to Flirt After Healing from Heartbreak 03:00 Trust Issues Post-Narcissistic Relationship 05:07 Importance of Not Dating Immediately After Breakup 06:12 Reestablishing Sense of Self 08:18 Misinterpreting Behaviors in New Dates 11:09 Staying Present While Dating 12:34 Maintaining Sense of Self in New Relationships 13:49 First Steps After Telling Narcissistic Spouse About Divorce 18:04 Differences Between Narcissistic and Toxic Breakups 20:00 Emotional Immaturity in Parents 23:00 Learned Behaviors vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder 24:17 Accountability and Change 26:03 Narcissistic Tendencies in Children 27:08 Supporting a Loved One Dating a Narcissist 28:00 Isolation Tactics by Narcissists 30:29 Co-Parenting with a Narcissist 33:45 Demonstrating Healthy Boundaries 36:06 Closing    Links Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

28 Feb 37min

Can AI ever replace the human connection at the heart of therapy, or are we losing something essential in the process?   I’m sitting down with my friend and colleague Dr. Sue Varma to talk about something that’s been on my mind. Artificial intelligence is making its way into mental health, offering quick answers and structured advice. But can it truly replace the depth of human interaction? Sue shares why the connection between a therapist and client isn’t just helpful. It’s the foundation of real change.   We also dig into some common misconceptions about therapy. Many people think it’s just talking instead of an active process of insight and growth. Sue introduces her “four M’s of mental health”—mindfulness, movement, meaningful engagement, and mastery. These simple habits help us stay grounded in an increasingly digital world.   As AI continues to reshape mental health care, how do we embrace new tools without losing what makes therapy work? Let’s get into it.   Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction  03:09 Dr. Sue Varma’s Background and Book 04:21 AI in Mental Health: Introduction 05:04 Positives of AI in Mental Health 08:18 Concerns About AI and Human Connection 09:11 Cultural Sensitivity in AI Responses 11:12 Importance of Patient History in Therapy 14:02 Physical and Behavioral Observations in Therapy 17:02 Challenges of AI in Diagnosing Personality Disorders 20:02 Therapeutic Relationship and Rapport 23:10 Misconceptions About Therapy 26:03 Future of AI in Psychiatry and Psychology 27:06 Staying Grounded and Optimistic Amidst AI Advances 28:53 Four M’s of Mental Health 31:09 Closing   Links Connect with Dr. Sue Varma: IG, FB, Twitter: @doctorsuevarma https://www.instagram.com/doctorsuevarma/ Website: www.doctorsuevarma.com Practical Optimism https://amzn.to/4hQdrxT   Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

21 Feb 33min

Power and control shaped Diddy’s rise, but did they also define a long-standing pattern of abuse? Emmy-winning journalist Mara S. Campo joins Dr. Z to unpack the allegations, the fallout, and what it means when survivors finally feel safe enough to speak out.     Mara, a contributor to the docuseries “Fall of Diddy,” shares what stood out most—the sheer weight of the stories, the patterns that surfaced long before fame, and the emotional toll of confronting uncomfortable truths. How do we reconcile admiration for a cultural icon with the reality of horrific accusations? What happens when the image we once celebrated no longer holds up?     This episode isn’t just about Diddy. It’s about the power dynamics that keep survivors silent, the fear that stops them from coming forward, and the cultural shift toward believing survivors.   Quotes “When I first read Cassie’s lawsuit, I will say this is the worst civil suit I have ever read.” (05:11 | Mara S. Campo)  “My heart just breaks because I’m thinking about how young this woman was at the time. And now, I’m in my mid-40s, I’m a mom. And I just think about where I was at that place in my life when I was her age.” (08:44 | Mara S. Campo)  “I think a lot of times when we see these powerful men getting in trouble, people come forward with these awful allegations. Sometimes you have to wonder, was it the power in the money that maybe corrupted them or did that empower them to be able to behave in this way?” (11:23 | Mara S. Campo) “There's kind of a grieving that takes place if you’re someone who loved Bad Boy and everything that it stood for and everything that it brought to the world. And for me, personally, that has absolutely been the case because I grew up on Bad Boy.” (23:15 | Mara S. Campo)  “It’s important not to discredit those who have the courage to come forward, to listen, to hear, and to really have a lot of compassion.” (27:21 | Mara S. Campo) “The idea that there’s a statute of limitations on sexual assault to me is bananas. There should not be a statute of limitations on sexual assault because it takes victims years to process, to feel empowered enough to confront their abuser.” (31:10 | Mara S. Campo)   Links The Fall of Diddy: https://www.max.com/shows/fall-of-diddy/a4d15a65-9071-43b9-abd8-ad905928743a   Connect with Mara S. Campo: IG: @marascampo https://www.instagram.com/marascampo/ TikTok: @marascampo https://www.tiktok.com/@marascampo YouTube: Mara S Campo https://www.youtube.com/@MaraSCampo Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

14 Feb 34min