207. From Conflict to Connection: Having Crucial Conversations that Count

207. From Conflict to Connection: Having Crucial Conversations that Count

How victim, villain, and helpless stories sabotage our most important conversations.


The hardest conversations aren’t just about what you say to the other person. According to Joseph Grenny, critical conversations begin with the stories that you tell yourself.

As a leading expert on business performance and communication, and a New York Times bestselling co-author of Crucial Conversations, Grenny explains that navigating high-stakes communication starts by examining the internal narratives we bring into these situations. “You and I use three consistent types of stories in these moments that don't serve us well,” he says: Victim stories (emphasizing our innocence), villain stories (demonizing the other person), and helpless stories (justifying our poor responses). "Those three kinds of stories are what amp up our emotions and justify us in our unhealthy responses," he says.

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Grenny joins Matt Abrahams to share practical strategies for mastering difficult conversations through what he calls "TLC" — truth, love, and competence. From recognizing your motives during conflict to accepting your role in creating it, he offers tools for staying focused on what you really want rather than getting hijacked by short-term emotional impulses.

To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium

Episode Reference Links:

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Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (02:32) - Influence & Why It Matters
  • (04:31) - Truth & Love: The Foundation of Accountability
  • (06:51) - Showing You Care & Respect Others
  • (08:35) - Recognizing Motives in High-Stakes Moment
  • (14:29) - Managing Emotions in Crucial Conversations
  • (20:24) - The Final Three Questions
  • (27:16) - Conclusion

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74. Rethinks: How Emotion Shapes Our Communication, Decisions, and Experiences

74. Rethinks: How Emotion Shapes Our Communication, Decisions, and Experiences

In one of our most popular episodes, professor of Marketing Baba Shiv shares his research on how emotions affect decision making. Knowing this, and applying techniques to help guide our audience through information and emotion, can help us make our messages stick. In this best-of episode we've included extra audio from Matt Abrahams's conversation with Shiv from November of 2020 that touches on how to best approach writing emails.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

20 Dec 202233min

73. Listen Up: Why It’s Better to Be Interested Than Interesting

73. Listen Up: Why It’s Better to Be Interested Than Interesting

As a communication expert, Alison Wood Brooks spends a lot of time talking about talking. But, as she says, listening is just as important.“My course is called TALK,” says Wood Brooks, who is the O'Brien Associate Professor of Business Administration and Hellman Faculty Fellow at Harvard Business School. “The great irony is that it should really be called LISTEN. It’s hard to be a good listener yet so very important.”In the latest episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Wood Brooks covers conversation strategies for active listening, turning anxiety into excitement, and knowing when it’s time to change the subject.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

6 Dec 202228min

72. Quick Thinks: Talk It Out – How to Successfully Negotiate and Resolve Conflict

72. Quick Thinks: Talk It Out – How to Successfully Negotiate and Resolve Conflict

When it comes to negotiating and managing conflict, Professor Michele Gelfand says it’s time to get creative.Everybody has wants and needs. So what do we do when our priorities compete with those of other people? According to Gelfand, a professor of organizational behavior, negotiations and conflict management are exercises in creative problem-solving, ones where we look for ways to not only get what we want, but for those on the other side of the table to get what they want too. “The best negotiators tend to be the most creative,” says Gelfand.In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Gelfand joins Matt Abrahams to discuss how creative communication can help us find solutions where everybody wins.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

22 Nov 202212min

71. Strategy Success: How to Communicate Your Gameplan

71. Strategy Success: How to Communicate Your Gameplan

As Professor Jesper Sørensen sees it, a winning strategy is the result of conversations, not commands.Sørensen says strategy can be directed from the C-suite, but it doesn’t have to be. “Lots of great strategies are discovered,” he says, “they're discovered because the leaders were able to listen to their frontline workers or their frontline managers.” A more iterative approach, says Sørensen, helps companies adapt their strategy to an ever-changing landscape.In the latest episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Sørensen joins host and lecturer Matt Abrahams to discuss how organizations can use better communication to craft better strategies.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInEpisode Reference Links:Making Great Strategy: Arguing for Organizational Advantage, by Jesper B. Sørensen Glenn R. CarrollClass Takeaways: Crafting and Leading Strategy: Five lessons in five minutes — Professor Jesper Sørenson teaches how to create and implement a successful business strategy.  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

8 Nov 202228min

70. Ideas Fuel Innovation: Why Your First Ideas Aren’t Always the Best

70. Ideas Fuel Innovation: Why Your First Ideas Aren’t Always the Best

What’s the secret to coming up with good ideas? For Jeremy Utley, it’s about generating as many as possible. The director of executive education at the Stanford d.school, Utley says, “very few problems we face in business or in life have a single right answer.” All ideas — the good, the bad, and the ugly — are “a necessary input to an innovation process,” and an essential step in getting to solutions that will actually work.In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Utley and host Matt Abrahams explore how we can focus less on finding the “right” answer and open ourselves up to more innovative ideas.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

25 Okt 202225min

69. Feeling Nervous? How Anxiety Can Fuel Better Communication

69. Feeling Nervous? How Anxiety Can Fuel Better Communication

Stress, anxiety, nervousness — when these feelings inevitably arise, lecturer Kelly McGonigal says it’s not about making them go away, but using them to your advantage.“What I have come to value about anxiety,” says McGonigal, “is it’s a sign that I care.” As she explains, feelings of stress alert us to things that matter to us and help us stay present in the moment — particularly useful, she says, when it comes to communication.In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, McGonigal and host Matt Abrahams discuss how to channel stress toward more effective communication and to a deeper connection to our own purpose and meaning.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

11 Okt 202228min

68. Directive vs. Dialogue: Communicating Better as a Leader

68. Directive vs. Dialogue: Communicating Better as a Leader

As the dean of Stanford Graduate School of Business, Dean Jon Levin knows the importance of crafting the right message and sharing it in the right way. But, as he says, one of the biggest challenges for any leader is to know what to communicate, and how. How do leaders strike the balance between being clear and directive, and as Levin says, “leaving space for people to form their own opinions, to discuss ideas, to debate”? He joins host and lecturer of strategic communications Matt Abrahams to discuss on this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

27 Sep 202221min

67. What Is Normal? How Culture Affects Communication Styles

67. What Is Normal? How Culture Affects Communication Styles

Why do we drive on only one side of the road? Why don’t we sing in libraries? Why wear a swimsuit?For Professor Michele Gelfand, it all comes down to culture. As a cross-cultural psychologist, Gelfand is fascinated by social environments and their effects on human behavior, particularly, how strictly people adhere to social norms.In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Gelfand joins host and lecturer of strategic communications Matt Abrahams to explain why some cultures are “tight” and “have strict social norms,” while others are “loose,” with “more permissibility of behavior.”Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInEpisode Reference Links:Threatening Language Can Be Contagious. This New Tool Tracks Its SpreadWhy the Pandemic Slammed “Loose” Countries Like the U.S.Rule Makers, Rule Breakers: How Tight and Loose Cultures Wire Our WorldMindset Quiz: How Tight or Loose Are You?  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

13 Sep 202222min

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