The 36 Questions that May Lead to Love… and the Other 36 to Stay in Love

The 36 Questions that May Lead to Love… and the Other 36 to Stay in Love

In 1997, psychologists Arthur Aron and Elaine Aron published the results of a study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin exploring how emotional intimacy between strangers could be accelerated through structured vulnerability. Their method? A series of 36 questions, divided into three sets that become increasingly personal—and it worked.

The list became more widely known in 2015 when writer Mandy Len Catron shared her experience with the questions in her viral New York Times article, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This.” She tried the questions herself—and fell in love.

But what happens after you fall in love?

We recently revisited the original 36 questions as a couple, and while we loved the experience, we felt there were some essential conversations these questions didn't cover, especially if you’re planning to live together, share a life, or deepen a long-term relationship .

The result...our own follow-up list: The Other 36 Questions You Need to Ask to Stay in Love

These are questions we believe every couple (or triad, or quad!) should ask—regardless of how you identify across the spectrum of monogamy to non-monogamy.

Here’s what we felt was missing—and what we intentionally added:

  • 🩺 Health & Safety: Physical and emotional safety, mental health, STI conversations, trauma history, and comfort with firearms in the home.

  • 💰 Money & Lifestyle: Attitudes toward debt, sharing finances, who pays for what, and what fairness looks like.

  • 💬 Communication & Conflict: Not just can you talk about hard things—but how you do it.

  • ❤️ Relationships, Intimacy & Vulnerability: Relationship style, love languages, attachment and honest

  • 💋 Sex, Desire & Kinks: Real talk about pleasure, fantasy, limits, and how sexuality evolves over time.

  • 🏡 Habits & Everyday Stuff: Morning routines, animals in bed, bodily quirks.

  • 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family & Culture: Navigating traditions, holidays and family

  • 🌍 Life Experience & Growth: Travel, independence, firsts, and life lessons as a lens for compatibility.

In this episode, we share our experience answering the original 36 questions together, highlight a few of our favourite prompts and how we answered them, and introduce you to our full list of additions—including why we believe they matter!

📝 Free Resource: We created a downloadable one-pager with all 72 questions—the original 36 plus our “Other 36”—grouped by theme, so you can explore them at your own pace.
https://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/36plus36questions

Whether you're starting something new or rekindling a long-term relationship, these questions are a powerful way to build deeper intimacy, open honest conversations, and get to know your partner(s) on a whole new level.

Show Resources:

Avsnitt(67)

Combatting Jealousy and NRE with Awesome Communication

Combatting Jealousy and NRE with Awesome Communication

In this episode, we dive deep into the complex yet rewarding world of polyamory exploring the challenges of jealousy and the intoxicating allure of New Relationship Energy (NRE). Join us as we unpack strategies and insights on fostering open communication to navigate these emotional landscapes and strengthen your polyamorous relationships. Your hosts T&A, coaching and therapy team Tara & André share their experiences and practical advice on identifying and addressing jealousy, offering invaluable tools for individuals and couples alike. They also delve into the concept of NRE – that exciting rush of emotions in new connections – and discuss how to manage both these things with COMMUNICATION. They explore the importance of setting boundaries, practicing radical transparency, and developing a strong foundation of trust and  security! Whether you're a seasoned polyamorist or just curious about exploring consensual non-monogamy, this episode provides a roadmap for fostering healthy connections and navigating the unique dynamics of polyamorous relationships.  Tune in for an always candid conversation about the beautiful complexities of polyamory and how this can be offset by amazing communication. Want to navigate your relationship with ease and security, sign up for T&A's Poly Newbies Digital Course. Find out more at https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiescourse Learn more about T&A's services and programs and where you can find other content at www.taraandandre.com

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2: 5 Steps From LIMITATIONS to LIBERATION in Your Polyamorous Relationships

2: 5 Steps From LIMITATIONS to LIBERATION in Your Polyamorous Relationships

It's a very common story, you excitedly open up an existing relationship, decide transitions to polyamory or explore swinging and feel more LIMITED than you would have expected. And much less pleasure and desire than you fantasized about!In this podcast episode we share the exact 5 steps you can take to shift from relationships filled with LIMITATIONS to ones where you feel  🌈LIBERATED and ❤️ LOVED and where your needs, wants and desires are met! Understand what's limiting you. Live limitlessly Set agreements and intentions in your relationships that allow you to live more limitlessly Understand what love means to those you are in relationships with Make happiness your business and no one else'sIf you need support being more liberated and secure in your relationship, we can help: Sign up for our 7-module POLY NEWBIES Digital Course at ⁠https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiescourse⁠⁠  Join our deeper dive Open Relationship & Polyamory Mastery Coaching Program where you get direct live coaching support from us at ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/polyamorymastery⁠⁠ If you have a question or unsure what's right for you, you can book a 15 minute chat with Tara here ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/15mincoffeechat⁠⁠This talk originally aired in our private Facebook group ⁠Let's Talk Polyamory⁠ as part of our T&A Alphabet Series under the title L is for Limitations, Liberation and Love!

5 Feb 202449min

How Open Relationships Work

How Open Relationships Work

Have you ever wondered how open relationships work and if non-monogamy is for you? In this first episode of the Let's Talk Polyamory Podcast with T&A we give you the down low on everything you need to know to begin in consensual non-monogamy including the essential questions you need to ask yourself before diving in as well as the the different types of relationship styles out there, from dipping your toes in and being monogamish, to swinging, polyamory, relationship anarchy and more! We share definitions and answer the burning questions you may be afraid to ask! We created a special worksheet to accompany this episode which you sign up to get it sent to your inbox - https://go.taraandandre.com/openrelationshipsworksheet If you're serious about setting a secure foundation for your open or polyamorous relationship, join us for our next cohort of Open Relationship and Polyamory Mastery or sign up for our Poly Newbies Digital Course. And... if you'd like to talk to us directly about your own personal situation book your complimentary Relationship Rescue Call here - https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue

20 Dec 202244min

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