200: The Real Reason You Keep Struggling with Porn — And Why More Rules Won’t Help

200: The Real Reason You Keep Struggling with Porn — And Why More Rules Won’t Help

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use?

Click here to book a free clarity call with Samhttps://stopporn.info/

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here:

sam@healingcouples.org

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop – http://trust.stopporn.info

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

Episode Description:

If you've been stuck in the cycle of pornography for years, trying everything from filters to accountability partners, but still feel like you’re not making progress — this episode will change the way you see everything.

In today’s episode, Sam Tielemans breaks down why so many traditional approaches to porn addiction recovery leave men feeling discouraged, ashamed, and trapped in endless management strategies.

If you’ve ever been told you just need to “have a plan” or “avoid triggering situations,” this episode offers a powerful reframe: it’s not about controlling your environment — it’s about healing the root.

You’ll hear real client stories about men who struggled with urges to watch porn during travel, late nights, and moments of disconnection — and why the real issue wasn’t the situation, but unhealed emotional wounds like low self-worth and fear of rejection.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:

✔️ Why returning to porn is predictable — and why it’s not about the scenario, it’s about the story underneath ✔️ The truth behind “guardrail” strategies and why they don’t lead to real freedom ✔️ How to stop managing symptoms and instead use tools that address emotional triggers and shame ✔️ The power of accurate diagnosis: how identifying the real problem makes the path to change simple ✔️ Why relapse prevention isn't about more willpower — it’s about root-level transformation ✔️ How to build a plan that supports healing, not just behavior management

If you’ve been worn down by porn urges, constantly falling back into old patterns, or questioning your ability to ever be free — you’re not broken. You’ve just been using the wrong map.

This episode is for you if you're ready to:

  • Learn how to stop porn urges at the root

  • Address the hidden link between shame and self-esteem and compulsive behaviors

  • Rebuild connection in your marriage and understand the truth about marriage and porn

  • Finally get clarity on how to quit porn in a way that feels doable, grounded, and lasting

This isn’t just another pep talk — it’s a full reorientation.

You don’t need more discipline. You need more clarity.

Avsnitt(210)

159: Struggling to Quit Porn For Good? You're Likely Using the Wrong Tools (do this instead)

159: Struggling to Quit Porn For Good? You're Likely Using the Wrong Tools (do this instead)

Have you ever wondered why you haven't been able to quit pornography permanently? Do you feel like you know the tools but just aren't using them in the moment you need them most? If the tools you've been trying to implement haven't brought you freedom yet, you're using the wrong ones. This creates a problem in a relationship as well –  A woman can't trust her husband who keeps returning back to pornography, even if he is trying his best. There's nothing wrong with you, it's just the approach that you've been taught isn't working. In this episode, I share with you how you can identify what tools you need to be using instead and how you can change your approach to really get traction and find success.   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and the root cause that started it. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully been able to quit, I’ll work with you 1-1 for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Join the free, private men’s community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support. It's even better because it's not on Facebook anymore, it's on a much better platform that will facilitate a lot more support and help for men: Join the Private Group Here   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

29 Aug 202421min

158: Success Story: How Kevin Eliminated Pornography Use As A Coping Mechanism

158: Success Story: How Kevin Eliminated Pornography Use As A Coping Mechanism

Many couples fear that it's not possible to eliminate pornography use from their lives. Men struggle for decades with urges and temptation without the right tools. This leads them to fall back into old patterns and makes them believe they can't ever quit. Kevin was a man who went through my program and not only got the tools to quit pornography for good, he lost the desire to view it at all. No more temptation. No more urges. This is what freedom looks like. In today's episode, he shares with you the steps he took and how he approached things in order for him to find this freedom.    For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and the root cause that started it. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully been able to quit, I’ll work with you 1-1 for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Join the free, private men’s community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support. It's even better because it's not on Facebook anymore, it's on a much better platform that will facilitate a lot more support and help for men: Join the Private Group Here   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

22 Aug 202434min

157: Build Security Back Into Your Marriage With This Easy, Effective Approach

157: Build Security Back Into Your Marriage With This Easy, Effective Approach

Many couples struggle with feelings of uncertainty and insecurity in their marriage.  Years of deception and lying erodes the foundation of trust, and a lack of communication or transparency keep things stuck. In this episode episode, I share a very easy-to-implement tool that can help you to build security in your marriage again. But missing this can keep your wheels spinning in your marriage despite making progress on a personal level.   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and the root cause that started it. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully been able to quit, I’ll work with you 1-1 for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Join the free, private men’s community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support. It's even better because it's not on Facebook anymore, it's on a much better platform that will facilitate a lot more support and help for men: Join the Private Group Here   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.   To get more tools to help you resolve communication breakdowns, check out these previous episodes: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2QMGxl99muUDOoojYPOUnX?si=5Tl5gg4tQgmLG6QAynIsdQ   https://open.spotify.com/episode/5IJ812sUVt3x0CKj7Juj8R?si=2d18kEQ3Rm2c_G4kubBQ3g

15 Aug 202421min

156: Is It Possible to Quit Porn and NEVER Return Again? (…yes, here’s how)

156: Is It Possible to Quit Porn and NEVER Return Again? (…yes, here’s how)

Many men and women wonder if quitting porn is actually possible to do or if it's something that just needs to be managed for the rest of their life. The good news: YES! It's 100% possible to quit and never return. In this episode I'll share with you specifically what I've seen work best to help men quit Porn and never return.  The more you have about what the underlying problem is, the more the solution becomes obvious.  Once you implement those solutions, the old patterns lose their power, which gives husbands confidence that they can move forward without messing up again, and it gives a wife peace of mind knowing she can actually be safe and let her guard down when he's done the work.   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and the root cause that started it. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully been able to quit, I’ll work with you 1-1 for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Join the free, private men’s community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support. It's even better because it's not on Facebook anymore, it's on a much better platform that will facilitate a lot more support and help for men: Join the Private Group Here   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

8 Aug 202425min

155: If She Stays, She Thinks He’s Just Getting Away With Everything

155: If She Stays, She Thinks He’s Just Getting Away With Everything

One very difficult hurdle that many women struggle, with is the idea of forgiveness or staying in the relationship with someone who hurt them so much. If she forgives him, does that mean he's getting away with everything? Does it make her feel like she has no dignity left if she stays in the relationship? That she just accepts behavior she completely stands against? In this episode, I share with you a different way to look at the situation to help you feel more comfortable staying in the relationship without feeling like he's getting away with it. I also share how a husband can help facilitate closure and healing in the relationship when she’s struggling in this phase of the journey.   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and the root cause that started it. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully been able to quit, I’ll work with you 1-1 for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Join the free, private men’s community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support. It's even better because it's not on Facebook anymore, it's on a much better platform that will facilitate a lot more support and help for men: Join the Private Group Here   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

1 Aug 202421min

154: LIVE CALL – How to Resolve Triggers During / After Sexual Intimacy

154: LIVE CALL – How to Resolve Triggers During / After Sexual Intimacy

Rebuilding sexual intimacy after damage by pornography can be a challenge for many couples. A wife often has fears and concerns like: How do I know he's not fantasizing when we're intimate? What if he's just using me and I'm being manipulated? I feel inadequate and not attractive enough A husband often wants to know how to help his wife through her triggers and how to restore their intimacy together. In this episode, I meet with a couple live and help them work through these blocks and know what tools to implement to repair their physical intimacy and develop a deeper connection together. If you like this style of episode, please send me an email and let me know! I'll be doing a few more of these to see if it helps you as a listener. If it does, I'll do more. If it doesn't, then I won't! You can send your feedback to sam@healingcouples.org   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and the root cause that started it. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully been able to quit, I’ll work with you 1-1 for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Join the free, private men’s community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support. It's even better because it's not on Facebook anymore, it's on a much better platform that will facilitate a lot more support and help for men: Join the Private Group Here   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

25 Juli 202450min

153: When She's Hurt By Him Looking at Women in Public

153: When She's Hurt By Him Looking at Women in Public

Going out into public can create a lot of anxiety for both a husband and wife. She's worried about who he's looking at and what he's thinking about, and he's worried about her getting triggered and feels anxious not knowing what to do or how to help her. In this episode, I share with a few specific things that you can do to address this issue to help build security in your relationship. If objectification has been a problem, I also share tools to help you break those patterns and overcome the behavior altogether.   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and the root cause that started it. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully been able to quit, I’ll work with you 1-1 for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Join the free, private men’s community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support. It's even better because it's not on Facebook anymore, it's on a much better platform that will facilitate a lot more support and help for men: Join the Private Group Here   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

18 Juli 202424min

152: 3 Things to Jumpstart Marriage Repair

152: 3 Things to Jumpstart Marriage Repair

If you had to get to the other side of a mountain, would you rather take a tunnel through it or climb all the way up and around it? It still takes effort and intention to get to the other side, but one path is far more streamlined. In this episode I share with you 3 things that can help take you through the tunnel when it comes to repairing your relationship. There isn't a one size fits all approach when it comes to restoring your marriage and overcoming pornography, but there are principles that the most successful people focus on in order to get the results they want. In today's episode, I share with you 3 of them that can make a huge difference for you and your progress.   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and the root cause that started it. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully been able to quit, I’ll work with you 1-1 for free until you do. Go to http://stopporn.info/ for more information about working with me directly.   Join the free, private men’s community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support. It's even better because it's not on Facebook anymore, it's on a much better platform that will facilitate a lot more support and help for men: Join the Private Group Here   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

11 Juli 202426min

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