184. Writing About Childhood Sexual Abuse without Reliving It featuring Dr. Stacey Hettes

Deb Miller joins Let’s Talk Memoir for a conversation about how her memoir began as a family project, being surprised to have become an author, discovering and latching onto a framework, using an “e” structure, what we recognize during the process of writing, focusing on our behavior and patterns, leaning into generational shifts, the women's movement and breaking society’s norms, connecting with readers on a personal level, innovative ways to market and launch a book, promoting a message not ourselves, becoming the hero of our own story, and her new memoir Forget the Fairy Tale & Find Your Happiness.   Also in this episode:  -finding a marketing hook -creating new relationships and working them -living your own fairy tale   Books mentioned in this episode: -Wild by Cheryl Strayed -High Hopes: A  Memoir by Anne Abel   Deb Miller is the author of Forget the Fairy Tale & Find Your Happiness, a memoir that explores her personal journey toward self-reliance and strength, using the evolution of Disney princesses as a metaphor for her own transformation. A passionate advocate for personal empowerment, Deb’s writing encourages readers to question societal expectations and discover their own path to happiness.Having visited nearly 50 countries as a corporate executive, she is now on a mission to visit all of our national parks. A part-time marketing professor, Dr. Miller lives in Redmond, Washington, and can be found outside landscaping, walking her energetic Auggie, or hanging out with her three kids and grandchildren. Degrees: BS Purdue University, MBA University of Dayton, DBA City University of Seattle. Also a CPA. She is former VP of marketing and communication for several Fortune 500 companies.    Connect with Deb: Website: https://forgetthefairytale.net/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-deb-miller-acc/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/forget_the_fairy_tale/ Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Forget-Fairytale-Find-Your-Happiness/dp/1647429226/ Simon and Schuster: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Forget-the-Fairy-Tale-and-Find-Your-Happiness/Deb-Miller/9781647429225   – Ronit’s writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Rumpus, The New York Times, Poets & Writers, The Iowa Review, Hippocampus, The Washington Post, Writer’s Digest, American Literary Review, and elsewhere. Her memoir WHEN SHE COMES BACK about the loss of her mother to the guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and their eventual reconciliation was named Finalist in the 2021 Housatonic Awards Awards, the 2021 Indie Excellence Awards, and was a 2021 Book Riot Best True Crime Book. Her short story collection HOME IS A MADE-UP PLACE won Hidden River Arts’ 2020 Eludia Award and the 2023 Page Turner Awards for Short Stories.  She earned an MFA in Nonfiction Writing at Pacific University, is Creative Nonfiction Editor at The Citron Review, and teaches memoir through the University of Washington's Online Continuum Program and also independently. She launched Let's Talk Memoir in 2022, lives in Seattle with her family of people and dogs, and is at work on her next book. More about Ronit: https://ronitplank.com Subscribe to Ronit’s Substack: https://substack.com/@ronitplank Follow Ronit: https://www.instagram.com/ronitplank/ https://www.facebook.com/RonitPlank https://bsky.app/profile/ronitplank.bsky.social   Background photo credit: Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash Headshot photo credit: Sarah Anne Photography Theme music: Isaac Joel, Dead Moll’s Fingers

10 Juli 34min

Kate Gies joins Let’s Talk Memoir for a conversation about the lasting effects of trauma on the body and mind, taking care of ourselves while writing by remembering our purpose, allowing early drafts to be angry and raw and finding meaning later, body shame and body acceptance, coming of age later in life, weaving together a medical narrative, protecting ourselves from reinjury by focusing on the larger message, writing where the energy is, finding boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and her memoir It Must Be Beautiful to Be Finished: A Memoir of My Body.   Also in this episode: -writing where the energy is -giving yourself time - writing in vignettes   Books mentioned in this episode: Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealey The Two Kinds of Decay by Sarah Manguso Bluets by Maggie Nelson In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado The Sucide Index by Joan Wickersham   Kate Gies is a writer and educator living in Toronto. She teaches creative nonfiction and expressive arts at George Brown College. Her fiction, non-fiction, and poetry have been published in The Malahat Review, The Humber Literary Review, Hobart, the Best Canadian Essays 2024 Anthology, and other places.She is the author of It Must Be Beautiful to Be Finished: A Memoir of My Body, which details her childhood medical experiences related to a missing ear. It was published by Simon & Schuster in February of 2025.   Connect with Kate: Website: kategies.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katygies Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/kategies.bsky.social Get the Book: US: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/It-Must-Be-Beautiful-to-Be-Finished/Kate-Gies/9781668051054 Get the Book: Canada: https://www.amazon.ca/Must-Be-Beautiful-Finished-Memoir/dp/1668051052 – Ronit’s writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Rumpus, The New York Times, Poets & Writers, The Iowa Review, Hippocampus, The Washington Post, Writer’s Digest, American Literary Review, and elsewhere. Her memoir WHEN SHE COMES BACK about the loss of her mother to the guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and their eventual reconciliation was named Finalist in the 2021 Housatonic Awards Awards, the 2021 Indie Excellence Awards, and was a 2021 Book Riot Best True Crime Book. Her short story collection HOME IS A MADE-UP PLACE won Hidden River Arts’ 2020 Eludia Award and the 2023 Page Turner Awards for Short Stories.  She earned an MFA in Nonfiction Writing at Pacific University, is Creative Nonfiction Editor at The Citron Review, and teaches memoir through the University of Washington's Online Continuum Program and also independently. She launched Let's Talk Memoir in 2022, lives in Seattle with her family of people and dogs, and is at work on her next book. More about Ronit: https://ronitplank.com Subscribe to Ronit’s Substack: https://substack.com/@ronitplank Follow Ronit: https://www.instagram.com/ronitplank/ https://www.facebook.com/RonitPlank https://bsky.app/profile/ronitplank.bsky.social   Background photo credit: Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash Headshot photo credit: Sarah Anne Photography Theme music: Isaac Joel, Dead Moll’s Fingers

8 Juli 37min

Jennifer Pastiloff joins Let’s Talk Memoir for a conversation about getting out of our own way, practicing curiosity, feeling like we have a right to tell our stories and be creative, finding a way into our work, the yes and, tapping into other art forms, not throwing people under the bus, harnessing the mental space to write, accepting change as a necessary part of living, when “fine” is not fine, putting ourselves out there, sharing deeply, refusing to hide in shame, leaving her marriage, and her new book Proof of Life. Also in this episode:  -genre schmenre -getting past the inner a*shole -when change feels like it will equal death Books mentioned in this episode: The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch Reading the Waves by  Lidia Yuknavitch From Under the Truck: A Memoir by Josh Brolin Everyone at This Party Has Two Names by Brad Aaron Modlin Stolen focus by Johann Hari Fired Up by Anna Durand The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin   Jennifer Pastiloff trots the globe as a public speaker and to host her retreats to Italy, as well as her one-of-a-kind workshops, which she has taught to thousands of people all over the world. The author of the popular Substack, also called Proof of Life, she teaches writing and creativity classes called Allow, and workshops called Shame Loss, when she isn’t painting and selling her art. She has been featured on Good Morning America, and Katie Couric, and in New York magazine, People, Shape, Health magazine, and other media outlets for her authenticity and unique voice. She is deaf, reads lips, and mishears almost everything, but what she hears is usually funnier (at least she thinks so). The author of the national bestseller On Being Human, Pastiloff lives in Southern California with her son, Charlie Mel. Connect with Jen: Website: JenniferPastiloff.com Substack: https://proofoflifewithjen.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenpastiloff – Ronit’s writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Rumpus, The New York Times, Poets & Writers, The Iowa Review, Hippocampus, The Washington Post, Writer’s Digest, American Literary Review, and elsewhere. Her memoir WHEN SHE COMES BACK about the loss of her mother to the guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and their eventual reconciliation was named Finalist in the 2021 Housatonic Awards Awards, the 2021 Indie Excellence Awards, and was a 2021 Book Riot Best True Crime Book. Her short story collection HOME IS A MADE-UP PLACE won Hidden River Arts’ 2020 Eludia Award and the 2023 Page Turner Awards for Short Stories.  She earned an MFA in Nonfiction Writing at Pacific University, is Creative Nonfiction Editor at The Citron Review, and teaches memoir through the University of Washington's Online Continuum Program and also independently. She launched Let's Talk Memoir in 2022, lives in Seattle with her family of people and dogs, and is at work on her next book. More about Ronit: https://ronitplank.com Subscribe to Ronit’s Substack: https://substack.com/@ronitplank Follow Ronit: https://www.instagram.com/ronitplank/ https://www.facebook.com/RonitPlank https://bsky.app/profile/ronitplank.bsky.social   Background photo credit: Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash Headshot photo credit: Sarah Anne Photography Theme music: Isaac Joel, Dead Moll’s Fingers

1 Juli 35min

Niko Stratis joins Let’s Talk Memoir for a conversation about entertaining the queerest part of her soul, working on a book almost by accident, building a manuscript backwards from a title, arriving at a structure early into the process, making peace with the past, being in a safe place to write, processing adolescence, the performance of masculinity, giving humanity to even the difficult people, making a writing habit to hit deadlines, working with a small academic press, her time as a music and culture columnist for Catapult, and her new memoir​​ The Dad Rock That Made Me a Woman.   Also in this episode:  -writing slowly -talking to parents about our memoir -working with a small academic press   Books mentioned in this episode: -Night Moves by Jessica Hopper -Tomboy Survival Guide by Ivan Coyote -Go Ahead in the Rain: Notes to a Tribe Called Quest by Hanif Abdurraqib -Nevada by Imogen Binnie -Tacky: Love Letters ot the Worst Culture We Have to Offer by Rax by King   Niko Stratis is an award-winning writer from Toronto by way of the Yukon, where she spent years working as a journeyman glazier before coming out as trans in her thirties and being forced to abandon her previous line of work. Her writing has appeared in publications like Catapult, Spin, Paste and more. She’s a Cancer, and a former smoker.   Connect with Niko: Website: https://www.nikostratis.com/ Anxiety Shark Newsletter: https://www.anxietyshark.ca/ Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikostratis.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikostratis/ Twitter/X: https://x.com/nikostratis Link to book: https://utpress.utexas.edu/9781477331484/   – Ronit’s writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Rumpus, The New York Times, Poets & Writers, The Iowa Review, Hippocampus, The Washington Post, Writer’s Digest, American Literary Review, and elsewhere. Her memoir WHEN SHE COMES BACK about the loss of her mother to the guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and their eventual reconciliation was named Finalist in the 2021 Housatonic Awards Awards, the 2021 Indie Excellence Awards, and was a 2021 Book Riot Best True Crime Book. Her short story collection HOME IS A MADE-UP PLACE won Hidden River Arts’ 2020 Eludia Award and the 2023 Page Turner Awards for Short Stories.  She earned an MFA in Nonfiction Writing at Pacific University, is Creative Nonfiction Editor at The Citron Review, and teaches memoir through the University of Washington's Online Continuum Program and also independently. She launched Let's Talk Memoir in 2022, lives in Seattle with her family of people and dogs, and is at work on her next book. More about Ronit: https://ronitplank.com Subscribe to Ronit’s Substack: https://substack.com/@ronitplank   Follow Ronit: https://www.instagram.com/ronitplank/ https://www.facebook.com/RonitPlank https://bsky.app/profile/ronitplank.bsky.social   Background photo credit: Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash Headshot photo credit: Sarah Anne Photography Theme music: Isaac Joel, Dead Moll’s Fingers

26 Juni 28min

Erica Stern joins Let’s Talk Memoir for a conversation about self-interrogation and taking risks to tell the story we need to, exploring the liminality of a lived experience through the speculative, hybrid memoir and leaning into history and research to illuminate and deepen understanding, the unexpected complications she experienced in childbirth, the historical misogyny in U.S. medical system, the male takeover of birth, how trauma can stunt empathy, trusting the work will go where it needs to go, giving our projects time and space to grow, when publishers and editors are not quite sure what to make of your book, exercising control over the uncontrollable, the long road to publishing, capturing the timelessness of an experience, and her new book Frontier: A Memoir and a Ghost Story.    Also in this episode:  -discovering material through writing -meditations on the history of childbirth -when an editor encourages you to make your book even more like itself   Books mentioned in this episode:   -The Suicide Index by Joan Wickersham -An Encyclopedia of Bending Time by Kristen Keane -My Autobiography of Carson McCullers by Jenn Shaplans -A Life’s Work: On Becoming a Mother by Rachel Cusk   Erica Stern’s work has been published in The Iowa Review, Mississippi Review, Denver Quarterly, and elsewhere. She has been awarded fellowships and residencies from the Vermont Studio Center, the Martha's Vineyard Institute for Creative Writing, and the Virginia Center for Creative Arts. Erica received her undergraduate degree in English from Yale and her MFA from The School of the Art Institute of Chicago. A native of New Orleans, she now lives with her family in Evanston, Illinois.   Connect with Erica: Website: erica-stern.com Instagram: @ericasternwriter Substack: @ericastern Bluesky: @ericarstern.bsky.social Get the book: https://bookshop.org/p/books/frontier-a-memoir-and-a-ghost-story/876292ffe52fe93f?ean=9798985008937&next=t&next=t https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/frontier-erica-stern/1146916883?ean=9798985008937 https://www.barrelhousemag.com/books/frontier-erica-stern   – Ronit’s writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Rumpus, The New York Times, Poets & Writers, The Iowa Review, Hippocampus, The Washington Post, Writer’s Digest, American Literary Review, and elsewhere. Her memoir WHEN SHE COMES BACK about the loss of her mother to the guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and their eventual reconciliation was named Finalist in the 2021 Housatonic Awards Awards, the 2021 Indie Excellence Awards, and was a 2021 Book Riot Best True Crime Book. Her short story collection HOME IS A MADE-UP PLACE won Hidden River Arts’ 2020 Eludia Award and the 2023 Page Turner Awards for Short Stories.  She earned an MFA in Nonfiction Writing at Pacific University, is Creative Nonfiction Editor at The Citron Review, and teaches memoir through the University of Washington's Online Continuum Program and also independently. She launched Let's Talk Memoir in 2022, lives in Seattle with her family of people and dogs, and is at work on her next book. More about Ronit: https://ronitplank.com Subscribe to Ronit’s Substack: https://substack.com/@ronitplank Follow Ronit: https://www.instagram.com/ronitplank/ https://www.facebook.com/RonitPlank https://bsky.app/profile/ronitplank.bsky.social   Background photo credit: Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash Headshot photo credit: Sarah Anne Photography Theme music: Isaac Joel, Dead Moll’s Fingers

24 Juni 33min

Marty Ross-Dolen joins Let’s Talk Memoir for a conversation discovering the story while writing, inviting the speculative and magical elements into a narrative, rediscovering lost relatives, advocating for our vision and for our books, scaffolding fragmented forms, being raised by a mother in protracted mourning, incorporating letters, photographs, and erasure poetry, when people tell you what your book is supposed to be, living with an inherited sense of grief, unspoken family pacts, when structure is a surprise, and her new memoir Always There, Always Gone: A Daughter’s Search for Truth.   Also in this episode:  --being raised in silence around a tragedy -telling 3 stories at once -memoir as erasure   Books mentioned in this episode: -Safekeeping by Abigail Thomas -Another Bullshit Night in Suck City by Nick Flynn -Ghostbread by Sonja Livingston -Disconto for My Father by Harrison Kandelaria Fletcher -Fearless Confessions by Sue William SIlverman   Marty Ross-Dolen is a graduate of Wellesley College and Albert Einstein College of Medicine and is a retired child and adolescent psychiatrist. She holds an MFA in Writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts. Prior to her time at VCFA, she participated in graduate-level workshops at The Ohio State University. Her essays have appeared in North Dakota Quarterly, Redivider, Lilith, Willow Review, and the Brevity Blog, among others. Her essay entitled “Diphtheria” was named a notable essay in The Best American Essays series. She teaches writing and lives in Columbus, Ohio. Connect with Marty: Website: www.martyrossdolen.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/martyrossdolen Get the book: https://a.co/d/5HtWU4s https://www.thurberhouse.org/adult-writers-studio – Ronit’s writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Rumpus, The New York Times, Poets & Writers, The Iowa Review, Hippocampus, The Washington Post, Writer’s Digest, American Literary Review, and elsewhere. Her memoir WHEN SHE COMES BACK about the loss of her mother to the guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and their eventual reconciliation was named Finalist in the 2021 Housatonic Awards Awards, the 2021 Indie Excellence Awards, and was a 2021 Book Riot Best True Crime Book. Her short story collection HOME IS A MADE-UP PLACE won Hidden River Arts’ 2020 Eludia Award and the 2023 Page Turner Awards for Short Stories.  She earned an MFA in Nonfiction Writing at Pacific University, is Creative Nonfiction Editor at The Citron Review, and teaches memoir through the University of Washington's Online Continuum Program and also independently. She launched Let's Talk Memoir in 2022, lives in Seattle with her family of people and dogs, and is at work on her next book. More about Ronit: https://ronitplank.com Subscribe to Ronit’s Substack: https://substack.com/@ronitplank Follow Ronit: https://www.instagram.com/ronitplank/ https://www.facebook.com/RonitPlank https://bsky.app/profile/ronitplank.bsky.social   Background photo credit: Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash Headshot photo credit: Sarah Anne Photography Theme music: Isaac Joel, Dead Moll’s Fingers

19 Juni 33min

Alyson Shelton and Lynn Shattuck join Let’s Talk Memoir for a conversation about writing about sibling loss, creating an essay anthology as means to advocate for grief, taking care of ourselves while crafting work about loss, helping people tell their stories, laughter and making space for the rest of our lives, coping with rejection, creating a mosaic with essays, feeling empowered, self-acceptance building community, independently publishing as an act of defiance, and their new anthology The Loss of a Lifetime: Advice from Grieving Siblings.   Also in this episode:  -owning out stories -rejecting shame -how no can send us in new directions   Books mentioned in this episode: -Chicken Soup for the Soul by Jack Canfield, Mark Viktor Hansen and Amy Newmark -Encyclopedia of an Ordinary LIfe by Amy Krause Rosenthal -The Heart and Other Monsters by Rose Anderon Always a Sibling by Annie Sklaver Orenstein ALYSON SHELTON is an award winning screenwriter and essayist. Her writing is widely published at outlets including The New York Times, Ms. and The Rumpus. She’s anthologized in Comics Lit Vol. 1 (Accomplishing Innovation Press), No Contact: 28 Writers on Family Estrangement (Catapult 2026), Root Cause: Stories of Health, Harm and Reclaiming Our Humanity (Editor: Jeannine Ouellette) and The Loss of a Lifetime: Advice from Grieving Siblings (Contributor and Co-Editor). She’s best known for her Instagram Live series inspired by George Ella Lyon’s poem, Where I’m From where she’s hosted close to 200 writers. The poem also provides the spine for her memoir in progress.@byalysonshelton on Instagram, Threads, Youtube. www.alysonshelton.com   Lynn has been publishing essays on the topic of sibling loss for more than a decade. She was a paid columnist at Elephant Journal for ten years; several of her essays on the topic of grief and sibling loss have gone viral. Lynn co-founded the website lossofalifetime.com, a hub of resources for those who’ve experienced sibling loss. She also co-edited the essay collection, The Loss of a Lifetime: Grieving Siblings Share Stories of Love, Loss and Hope; the book is expected to be available in June, 2025 https://www.instagram.com/lynn_shattuck/   Connect with Alyson: Alyson Shelton on The Body Myth podcast: https://ronitplank.com/2022/03/22/the-body-myth-from-childhood-gymnastics-to-puberty-to-motherhood-a-body-judgment-story-ft-alyson-shelton/ Website: www.alysonshelton.com   Connect with Lynn: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lynn_shattuck/   Get the book: https://www.lossofalifetime.com/book www.lossofalifetime.com – Ronit’s writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Rumpus, The New York Times, Poets & Writers, The Iowa Review, Hippocampus, The Washington Post, Writer’s Digest, American Literary Review, and elsewhere. Her memoir WHEN SHE COMES BACK about the loss of her mother to the guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and their eventual reconciliation was named Finalist in the 2021 Housatonic Awards Awards, the 2021 Indie Excellence Awards, and was a 2021 Book Riot Best True Crime Book. Her short story collection HOME IS A MADE-UP PLACE won Hidden River Arts’ 2020 Eludia Award and the 2023 Page Turner Awards for Short Stories.  She earned an MFA in Nonfiction Writing at Pacific University, is Creative Nonfiction Editor at The Citron Review, and teaches memoir through the University of Washington's Online Continuum Program and also independently. She launched Let's Talk Memoir in 2022, lives in Seattle with her family of people and dogs, and is at work on her next book. More about Ronit: https://ronitplank.com Subscribe to Ronit’s Substack: https://substack.com/@ronitplank Follow Ronit: https://www.instagram.com/ronitplank/ https://www.facebook.com/RonitPlank https://bsky.app/profile/ronitplank.bsky.social   Background photo credit: Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash Headshot photo credit: Sarah Anne Photography Theme music: Isaac Joel, Dead Moll’s Fingers

17 Juni 44min