206: How To Stop Self-Sabotage So You Can Quit Pornography and Repair Your Relationship

Have you ever had a good day with your spouse, then out of nowhere, you get hit with a wave of deep sadness. Then you share the sadness and the conversation spirals and he doesn’t say much in response. If you’re a husband, have you ever been faced with that situation and wanted to help her but had no idea how? Did you feel discouraged because you thought you were in a better spot and had made progress, only to feel like you were back to square one? This is a very common scenario for couples, and it's so easy to get stuck here. However, this is an absolutely crucial moment to have these conversations go well so you can actually move forward and create closure instead of feeling derailed by the sadness or the impact of the past. In this episode, I share with you the specific ways that you and your spouse can handle these conversations and feelings when they come up without them causing a spiral or a fight.   For therapy with Sam: Go to stopporn.info for more information about working with Sam   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction   Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

11 Jan 202426min

When a pornography addiction or habit is discovered in a relationship, it causes significant damage. Trust is broken, there's a lack of emotional safety, and it often causes a woman to redefine the entire relationship and question the past. Despite the significant damage, couples who get the right tools can fully heal the pain of the past, eliminate pornography use, and move forward with closure and connection. In this episode I share with you exactly how to move forward through the damage and how husband can be an influence for healing and stability in his.    For therapy with Sam: I'll help you quit porn within the next 90 days (or I'll work with you for free until you do) – visit stopporn.info to get more information. Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

4 Jan 202426min

Most people don’t want to stay in pain any longer than they already have. They want the process to speed up, to find closure and peace sooner, and move forward with a feeling of resolution… But what if she’s not ready to just leave it all behind? So many men want to leave the past behind as quickly as possible, because they recognize the impact of their actions has had a tremendous effect on their wife. He doesn't want her to suffer anymore than she already has, so in his desires to move forward, unintentionally, she feels left behind and her pain gets ignored. This produces a cycle of her bringing up the past so she can find healing, but the husband sees it as a lack of progress, feels discouraged, and then tries to rush the process along even more. If you've ever been caught in this pattern, in this episode I share with you one of the most important ways to navigate to move forward quickly while still making sure that the pain she feels is getting the attention and care it deserves.   For therapy with Sam: I'll help you quit porn within the next 90 days (or I'll work with you for free until you do) – visit stopporn.info to get more information. Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

28 Dec 202318min

What do you do when you struggle with feelings of needing validation from a source outside of yourself? Whether it’s sexual attention from a woman, making a lot of money, doing and accomplishing things, or looking a certain way, it’s a trap that leads to more heartache. In this episode, I share how both a husband and wife can work through these underlying issues that lead to validation seeking and coping in destructive ways. The more you can recognize and resolve the root cause, the more peace, fulfillment, and worth you can feel in a healthy, sustainable way. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

21 Dec 202324min

Have you ever wanted to know exactly what it’s going to take to eliminate pornography and have a connected relationship with your spouse? As I have initial calls with men, I often hear them say they are willing to do whatever it takes, they just don't know exactly what to do. In this episode, I share with you, one of the most important elements that helps engage and sustain men in the process of quitting pornography. I also share the very best strategy that you can implement in order to make success possible for you in this journey.   For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

14 Dec 202317min

When struggling to overcome pornography addiction or a habit, have you ever had the conversation that goes something like this: If there's another relapse again, our marriage is over. If I catch you watching something again, I'm leaving. And if you have had that conversation in your relationship, how did it feel? What effect did it end up having? So many couples I work with have high standards for their relationship - no pornography.. but what happens when that standard is broken? Is it possible to have high standards while maintaining room for growth and development?  This episode, I share with you exactly how you can have this conversation together without feeling stuck and minimize the hiding and lying that occur due to the fears of failure. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

7 Dec 202318min

Can having sex make it hard for him to quit watching pornography?    Is a pornography addiction or habit fueled by sex with a spouse?   The men and women I work with want to have a fulfilling relationship, which includes sexual intimacy.   In this episode, I share with you, the most important considerations when it comes to making sure sex doesn’t cause a breakdown in the marriage or fuel the patterns he’s wanting to get away from.    For therapy with Sam: Go to stopporn.info for more information about working with Sam   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction   Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

30 Nov 202316min

When a man struggles with a pornography addiction or habit, it shatters trust and security in his relationship. Most men desperately seek to repair and restore the relationship, but sadly find themselves struggling to help her feel better despite making positive changes individually.   This episode of share with you, three specific ways, couples can approach the healing process together to help her pain heal and ultimately find closure.   After 15,000 hours of doing therapy with clients, these are the top tools that I've had the most difference in the lives of my clients.    For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction   Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

24 Nov 202324min