052 – Little Who?

Kandi grew up in a loving Christian home, an adoptee with one older sister who was biologically related to their parents. Kandi found her biological mother living in Gulf Port, Mississippi where she was lucky to spend time with the woman before losing her a few months later. Today, Kandi’s family reflects the structure of her own childhood—-she has 6 biological children, and one adopted daughter, who is actually her biological niece.

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Kandi (00:03):

I've never faulted her for putting me up for adoption. Like I always kind of rationalized that it was because she was too young and that's just kinda how I imagined it. You know, there was some circumstance that she loves me, but she wasn't in a position to raise me. And so I just, that's just kinda what I lived on. I never felt like I wasn't wanted to her.

Damon (00:47):

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members?

Damon (00:57):

I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Kandi with a K kandi called me from Laurel Mississippi. She's a mother of seven children with a family composition, similar to her own as a child. One of her kiddos is adopted and the others are biological to herself. Kandi tells the tale of how that adoption came to be after guidance through prayer. Her good fortune to spend time with her birth mother before losing the woman and the forgiveness she holds in her heart for the man who forced her into this world. This is Kandi's journey. Kandi was born in Gulf port on the coast of Mississippi, but her story starts well before her own birth with her adopted mother. Back when she was a child around sixth grade as a part of a church program called girls in action, her mother's church took young girls to a home for unwed mothers. It's not clear to Kandi what the purpose of the trip was for the girls, but she does know it was impactful on her mother.

Kandi (01:59):

And so my mom had gone and while she was visiting and looking around, she saw a baby in the nursery there. And, um, she promised God that when she grew up, she would adopt, she married her high school sweetheart. And they were told it would be very difficult for them to get pregnant, but they, um, tried anyway and finally had not oldest sister and no complications that the doctor was like, you know, you're not going to be able to get pregnant again. And this was just a, a one on one shot thing. And then after several years of not being able to get pregnant, they decided to start looking at adoption. It took about five years for them to finally get their hands on me. So I was only about, I would say, I think I was about 14 days old when I came home and the older sister by that time was 13 years old. And she was actually the first person that got to hold me. So that was really special for her and a lot of people because I had blonde hair and my, my sister had blonde hair. They always assumed that I was hers. But, um, she, she babysat me a lot and she just loved it. Well, this in, by the time, I guess I was about nine or 10 months, maybe even older, my mom found out she was pregnant. And so then she had a little sister that, um, uh, sandwiched between two biological children.

Damon (03:33):

Kandi always knew she was adopted. Her parents told her she was chosen special and God loved her. She remembers reading the book. Why was I adopted by Carolyn Eastman? Kandi said her mother did try to meet her curiosity about her adoption, but she thinks discussing it was hard on her mother. Sometimes

Kandi (03:53):

I think she had a lot of fear that I would find my adopted family and leave her and run off with them. I guess, just irrational thoughts like that. That was kind of, you know, I never wanted to hurt her feelings and make her feel like she wasn't my mom or wasn't important because she very much was she, you know, made me who, uh, had a big part in who I am today.

Damon (04:22):

Kandi knew she was a little different from her sisters, but the siblings were all treated the same and their family had a lot of love. She noted that there were some things that fulfilled her, that her adoptive family wasn't proficient at like art dance and music. Kandi said her mother had papers documenting her adoption from the Catholic diocese on the Gulf coast of Mississippi. So she suspected her birth mother was from that area whenever she was down there, she always looked around for someone who she thought looked like herself.

Kandi (04:56):

My mom had papers. I remember she pulled out every once in a while when we would kind of look through them. And really the only thing it said was that she was an attractive young woman, you know, and that she liked art. And so I was like, I like, I love art. And I think it said something about her having curly hair. And I was like, Oh, I've got curly hair. I was the only one that had curly hair. And so I was just kind of, I don't know, identify with that, growing up. Um, my mother's father had a fishing camp in Gochez down in that area. And so when we'd go, we would, we would drive to Gulf port where they had a mall and I would always have work around to see if I ever saw anybody that looked like me. You know, I've never had anybody say, wow, you don't look like inviting your family.

Kandi (05:51):

But I never saw anybody that really looked like me. And so I wanted to, to assume that like, you know, like what my family was like my birth family. And when I was in college, I worked at a, a Baptist camp. I was at the Western stretches because so, um, some friends of mine had come to the mall, but that same mall that I would always look for birth family and they came back and they were like, Hey, we can file your sister. I mean, she looked just like you, you know? And, and, um, and they're like, is your sister in town? And I was like, well, maybe, and I just kind of looked puzzled and explained to them that, that I was adopted. And there there's a high probability that, that, um, there was some birth family somewhere on the coast. I could have a sister, I could have a brother, you know, I don't really know. I know it will. This girl, it looked like he, she had dark curly hair, you know, just like yours and found out later, once I did meet my birth family, they live like within walking distance to the mall and, and my half sister would go to the mall frequently.

Damon (07:10):

Is that right?

Kandi (07:10):

That was probably her. Yeah. Yeah.

Damon (07:19):

Though, at the moment, did you, did you sort of cling to that? Like maybe they did see me. Did you have a feeling like an urge to run over?

Kandi (07:27):

Yeah. I mean, I was, I was trying to always say, well, they, yeah, they probably did. I mean, I knew there was a...