093 – Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir, A Preview

You probably know by now that I’ve written book to share my story, just like so many of our crib mates who have documented their own stories.

It’s called Who Am I Really, An Adoptee Memoir. In this episode I introduce my own story, and recap lessons learned from the Who Am I Really podcast.

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Damon: 00:00 I want to start by thanking all of you for listening to the show. I wasn’t sure this would turn into anything meaningful when I first brainstormed, Who Am I Really? But your comments on episodes, ratings on apple podcasts, personal notes and contributions on Patreon have meant so much to me. I’m not even kidding when I tell you that the feedback is the fuel that helps me continue this passion project and labor of love. I’ve been humbled by the number of people who have reached out to share their adoption journey and I thank all of my guests for their bravery in opening their inner thoughts and deepest emotions for others to hear. You’re helping other adoptees to feel like they are validated about whatever mental state they’re in or have been in and that they’re not alone on this particular journey through life. You’re helping everyone who listens to understand the adoptee perspective from your own words because you’ve lived these experiences. You’re sharing has taught me empathy for other people, not just adoptees, but everyone. We all go through something in our lives and hearing adoption and reunion stories has opened my eyes to just how much we all endure, how resilient we can be in the face of adversity and how we handle our happiness, anger and seek or grant forgiveness. I’m so thankful to my guests for trusting me with helping to share their journeys and now it’s my turn.

Voices: 01:25 Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon: 01:36 This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. You probably know by now that I’ve written a book to share my story, just like so many of our crib mates who have documented their own stories. It’s called Who Am I Really an adoptee memoir. If you haven’t seen it already, you should head over to facebook.com/WAIReally to see a video of my son Seth and me when we opened the box of books when it arrived. It was super cute to watch Seth get emotional as he held the book in his hand for the first time. It’s been a long time coming and I’m really proud of it. A few people have asked me about my writing process, so I’ve told them one of the first things you have to do is you just have to start writing, but my editor gave me some great advice, which I also shared.

Damon: 02:29 She recommended that I note the things that I wanted people to get out of my book. The reason I was writing it, she pointed out that that exercise would help me focus the writing to make sure those core elements were clearly articulated. But when I started writing, I realized that when I tell my adoption story, it usually focuses on the incredible reunions I experienced with my biological parents Ann and Bill. But my story is about more than myself and reunion and it began many years before I was born. I decided I wanted to learn more about my biological mother, what she was like as a young woman, what events led to her pregnancy with me and the decision to place me for adoption. I wanted to understand more about the personalities of my adoptive parents as young people, learn about when they fell in love and got married and what transpired for them leading to my adoption. I interviewed my adoptive parents, relatives and friends, and I interviewed my natural parents, relatives and friends to document the history behind my birth and adoption. This book tells pieces of their stories as well as my own. It explores my decision to search for my birth mother while losing my adoptive mother to mental illness. Then the book comes full circle after I met my biological parents who were both genealogists, with me sharing our history with Seth, the youngest branch on our family tree. So I hope you don’t mind if I take a few minutes to read the prologue and first chapter to you and just like I lead into every other show. This is my journey.

Damon: 04:04 Who Am I Really? By Damon L. Davis, read by Damon L. Davis. Prologue: The adoption of a child is a very complicated process to fully comprehend unless you’ve lived through one, you probably don’t fully understand. The adoption process is said to be a triad of participants, birth parents adoptees and adopted parents, but I believe adoption is a combination of far more, every person, adoptee or otherwise is molded by their immediate and extended family, their broader community and its belief systems and myriad other factors too numerous to name. On my podcast, Who Am I Really? WWW.WhoAmIReallypodcast.com I’ve spoken to dozens of adoptees about their experiences in adoption and their attempts to reunite with their biological family members. On the show, I have learned there are countless complicating factors in every person’s life and adoption as a life’s journey takes on many forms.

Damon: 05:05 My podcast guests have talked about the ways their adoptive parents tried to make sure they felt comfortable with their adoption. Some parents buy books on the subject to read with their children explaining that they are loved and attempting to make them feel special for being chosen for adoption. Often adopted children do feel comforted that they were special enough to be chosen, but sometimes they wonder why they weren’t special enough to be kept and raised by their own parents. Guests have shared stories of transracial adoptions in which parents of one race adopted child from another race. I’ve heard tales of people adopted into certain global cultures or religions who feel very little connection to that upbringing, always sensing that they were someone else deep inside. Others feel a different kind of disconnect from their adoptive family like being an artistic, free-spirited, creative person in a family of rule following straight arrows.

Damon: 05:58 Some people have said they felt extroverted in an introverted family or they just saw the world differently than their adoptive parents and siblings. Sometimes the differences are physical, like skin tone or height and weight, but one of the worst scenarios for adoptees is having unsupportive or even abusive adoptive parents who overtly or intentionally reminded the adoptee that they were the biological child of someone else. Searching for our relatives is an adventure unto itself. I’ve heard amazing tales of people’s searches for their family back in the pre internet days. Those stories are amazing to me as adoptees recount the true detective work they had to do. They share tales of numerous appeals to the court system to release their...