023 – I’ve Found My Joi

Growing up Joi tried to convince herself that being adopted didn’t bother her because she had such a great family. But in reality, great parents did not erase the fact that she didn’t know her birth parents. She laments that never saw anyone who looked like her, and of course, she could never answer a doctor’s questions about her health history.

After connecting with a close cousin on AncestryDNA, they began a search through the family tree to locate her birth mother. After the state of New Jersey opened adoptee birth records, the cousins learned exactly who Joi was related to, and that their search had been off track. After receiving her original birth certificate (OBC), she was able to connect with her birth mother and her birth father in a story of joyous reunion befitting a woman named Joi.

Since her interview originally aired in August 2017 Joi has published her adoptee memoir, “Finding Joi: A True Story of Faith, Family, and Love”

Joi (00:01):

Will there be a response to the letter? The fear of, okay, now I'll put all this out there and let's say it gets to her and she chooses not to respond. How will I know if she got the letter? Is she even interested in reconnecting with me and then what if I got to this point and I have a name, I have an address. I have even a church that she attends and what if she doesn't want to see me? How am I going to deal with that?

Voices (00:30):

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon (00:41):

This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis, and on today's show you'll meet Joi. She grew up comforted by the adoption mantra that she was not expected, she was chosen. While adoption was an open topic in her home, Joi admits she hadn't reached a point of speaking freely about her own adoption publicly until she was in reunion. Her reunion story has some unexpected twists and turns as the DNA match she thought she had found turned out to be completely different from her expectation and another DNA match turned into a dead end. In the end, Joi's name lived up to its meaning, which her birth mother cleverly testified to in church for their very first meeting. Here's Joi's journey.

Damon (01:31):

Joi's adoption was an openly accepted fact in her life, even though people sometimes commented that she didn't quite look like her family.

Joi (01:38):

I don't remember how it happened or, but I've, I've always known, I know that I had a baby book and in the front of the baby book it had my pictures when I, I guess first came to them and at the bottom of the first page, it was a little card. It had a baby on the outside and when you flipped it over, it gave my birth date and it said on the outside I wasn't expected, I was selected. And I just remember that being a part of the conversation forever as it related to us talking about adoption. You know, the story of your mother wasn't able to care for you and she wanted you to have a good family. And that's how they kinda got me. And then from there, you know, it's, it's just always been a part of who I am. I won't say that it's always been a part of the conversations that we've had at home, but it's not been something that was hidden from me. Um, I've always known that piece.

Damon (02:31):

And you were comfortable with it because you always knew.

Joi (02:33):

I think I was, I think it was those little moments when somebody would say that, you know, that I didn't look like my father or I didn't act like some of my cousins. It was those times, you know, that kind of stuck out as moments when it came to the forefront where it normally wasn't an issue.

Damon (02:49):

Right. And you could think to yourself, well, I could tell you why, but..

Joi (02:53):

Right. And, but, and, and that's the hard part of it too. Because now as I look at where I am now, I can openly say that's because I'm adopted. But that's something that I would never have said.

Damon (03:04):

Yeah. As a child trying to figure out your own identity.

Joi (03:08):

Yeah. But then I was reading an article the other day and the lady was talking about how it speaks to our truth, you know, the fact that we are adopted. So to be able to say that now so openly and freely, it is a relief. It does make me feel like, you know, I'm not hiding part of myself anymore.

Damon (03:26):

And it's a, I think to a degree, somewhat of relief for the people around you too. Because I think they can sense it. The reason that they've said, well you don't look like your cousins or you don't act like your father or whatever the thing is is because they've picked up on something too. So to have that conversation be something you can have just right out in the open now is, is a, is a freeing feeling, I think for me.

Joi (03:50):

Yeah, I agree. I agree. And I think even for my daughters, it's been funny as they talk to their friends and have been sharing our journey and sharing pictures and things of that nature, some friends are like, yeah, I never thought your mother looked like her father. Well that's because, and by the way, let me show you a picture of what her father, her birth father looks like. So we are able to laugh about it now and, and joke about it, but you know, and those were the little things that some people just wouldn't say. You have people who are a little bit more bold where they will. Well that can't be your child. You know, I'm going, wow.

Damon (