011 – From Childhood Rebellion to Thankful Reunion

When Sean was a kid, he found out he was adopted. That news created some conflict in him and challenged his identity. He began to rebel against his adopted parents, but some sage wisdom from his grandmother quickly set him straight. Sean returned to loving and appreciating the family he was a part of, but his desire to understand his identity never left. Older and married to his high school sweetheart, Sean’s family began to grow. He said that seeing his world in his oldest daughter’s eyes made him even more sensitive to his biological mother’s tough choice to let him go. After Sean finally mailed his introductory letter to his biological mother, which he had re-drafted several times over the years, he was finally able to reunite with her. He learned some of the ways that he’s just like his mother, and how one of his childhood sports heroes is actually his cousin!

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Sean: 00:03 It wasn’t until Macy was born and you know for any first time father to look in the eyes of his child and I realized right then like at some stage, not so long ago, someone looked in my eyes when this happened to them and I thought, you know, where is she? And I thought for the first time, like as a parent like they had, there must’ve been a lot of pain to say goodbye.

Speaker 3: 00:29 Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

New Speaker: 00:41 This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? Hey, it’s Damon today. I have the pleasure of introducing you to Sean as a kid. When he found out he was adopted, he created some conflict in him and challenged his identity. But some sage wisdom from one of the elders in his family set him straight again so that he could return to loving and appreciating the family he was already a part of. When he got a little older, married his high school sweetheart and their family began to grow. So did his curiosity about his biological mother’s experience, giving birth to him and relinquishing him to adoption. You’ll hear Shawn talk about connecting to his mother brothers and how he feels fortunate to have had the opportunity to say thank you for the life he leads.

Damon: 01:29 You and I talked quite a while ago about your story. Um, and I’d love to hear some of the details about how, how you grew up as an adoptee. Tell me about your, your family, your family structure when you found out you’re an adoptee and what it was like being an adoptee in your community.

Sean: 01:47 Sure. Uh, well, you know, uh, it’s kind of a funny story. Well, at least I’m able to laugh now, but you know, this whole journey for me started in the first grade when I, uh, I’ve found out what adopted meant about a year prior that my, my parents told me that I was adopted. They just didn’t fill in all the blanks for me. They didn’t really tell me what it meant except that I was special and I was chosen and you know, I was loved and all of that, you know, I just didn’t register with me that that’s anything other than it than an incredible thing. And Man, I’m, I’m like great special kid. Unfortunately the guy that filled in the gaps for me was a bully on the playground. And when he was a beaten me out on the playground, I asked him to back off because I was adopted and it was special and chosen and loved and welcome.

Sean: 02:34 And luckily he did stop for a moment and he said, what do you mean you’re done? Like your parents didn’t want here, they gave you when I said, no, no, that’s not what it means. And he said, yes it is. And the kids kind of chimed in and laughed and you know, I wound up in the principal’s office and in a small town that I was in, my dad was a bank manager and the principal’s like, hey, Sean fighting is one thing on the playground. But you know, telling stories lying like that, saying that you’re adopted son other. And he told me what it meant and he did. I didn’t believe that that’s what they actually meant by that. And I wound up running home at lunch. I live like half a mile from the school and my mom was there and I said, I am confused and crying.

Sean: 03:14 And she said, I better call your dad to come home from work. And I knew in that moment what they really meant and uh, it was a start of a rough couple of years, you know, and just trying to reconcile all of that. But anyhow, you know, the, the structure was a, I was, I was adopted by two wonderful parents who had already had two children on their own, had believed that they couldn’t have any more kids. They wanted to have a son, have another child. And they adopted me when I was a three or four months old. And I, uh, grew up about five hours, four hours from where I was born in a, in a house full of love. Um, turned out my mother could have other kids cause I have a younger sister.

Damon: 03:54 So you haven’t read biological siblings then?

Sean: 03:57 I do. Yeah.

Damon: 03:59 And you’re in between them.

Sean: 04:00 That’s right. Yeah. Second youngest wonderful family gave me everything I could have asked for more. You know, that that’s with all the things you’d expect and life experiences and guidance and love and everything else. So I consider myself very fortunate.

Damon: 04:16 Yeah. So you found out pretty young that you were adopted. I’m curious to know how did that at all affect your relationship to your siblings? You know, did you make the connection that you were now somehow different from them even at that young age?

Sean: 04:32 Well, you know, the, the connection with my sisters, even at that young age, I, I recognize that up to that point and then during that tough time where I was really trying to reconcile what was going on, like those three girls never treated me as anything less than full and equal member of the family. There was never any inkling before, during or after, you know, that I wasn’t one of them. Um, the disconnect for awhile was with my adoptive parents, which as a, as a young kid, immature and trying to deal with something difficult, you know, I resorted to calling them by their surnames, you know, Mister and misses and um, and had a really hard time reconciling what I considered a lie. You know, they, they hadn’t been truthful with me and I was also like many adopted kids confused as to how anybody could have given up on me. Um, and it, and none of it made sense.

Damon: