009 – What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

Mary is 78, but she still has stinging memories of her mother leaving her in another woman’s guardianship. The era was the Great Depression but her mother wanted to go out and have fun without the responsibility of raising In guardianship she was sexually abused, then her guardian blamed her for the economic hardship in that house when the abuser left the home. Mary had grown too independent to reunite with her mother. But despite the trials of her life, she made sure to be the best mother she could possibly be when her children needed her.

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Mary: 00:02 They would tell me, well, she’s not coming back. And I say, Oh yes, she’s coming. She’s coming to get me. But you know, she didn’t come to get me. So eventually you know you give up and then settling in. But I was devastated. I mean, it just, there’s no other word to describe it.

Voices: 00:27 Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon: 00:34 This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? Hey, it’s Damon. And today I was so lucky to talk to one of my own relatives, Mary, she and my biological mother Ann met well before I was able to locate Ann myself, Mary and Ann shared a common interest in, of all things, genealogy. Mary’s story isn’t one of a formal adoption, but being placed into the guardianship of someone else. She was a child during the Great Depression, an extremely challenging time economically and mentally for the health of our country. But Mary’s life challenges were deeply underscored by the upheaval of her family when her mother placed her and her young brother in the guardianship of a stranger. I asked her to tell me about her experiences growing up. I have to warn you, she does describe an abusive experience in her childhood that I suggest you don’t listen to in front of children. Here’s Mary Story. Hello?

Mary: 01:36 Hello Damon, how are you?

Damon: 01:40 I’m very well. How are you doing?

Mary: 01:43 I’m doing good.

Damon: 01:44 Excellent. Thanks for calling. How are you feeling?

Mary: 01:47 As well as one can be.

Damon: 01:47 Yeah. Now tell me, you knew my biological mother, Ann. Help me remember, how did you know her?

Mary: 01:55 well she and I both, attended genealogy conference we were sort of sitting next to each other and we started talking about where our family was from and so forth and so on. And we both came to the conclusion that we might be related, but you know.

Damon: 02:20 (Laughs)

Mary: 02:21 I’m going to say 10 years later we find out. Yeah, we are related.

Damon: 02:25 And what was the relation? Do you recall?

Mary: 02:27 Cousins.

Damon: 02:28 Through whom?

Mary: 02:29 now, it was, my grandfather, his brother, was your great...