065 – Two Years Too Late, Then I Was Shocked

Dana received her original birth certificate and when her husband looked up her birth mother’s name they found her obituary. It took her two years to find an address for her surviving aunt and a year to find the courage to write to her. Her Aunt gave Dana a name for the man who could be her birth father, but he was also deceased. Luckily DNA testing told a different story.

Read Full TranscriptDana: 00:03 She never knew about me. She thought that she was an only child for her her entire life. So finding out that she has an older sister that came as kind of like shocks or she. So she just told me she knows she needs, she needs time sheets, she needs space and I get that. You know, it’s like, I can’t imagine going thinking that you’re an only child for like most… for your entire life. Minifying boom. You have an older sister.

Damon: 00:35 Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon: 00:47 This is, who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Dana. She called me from Ohio A state we know has opened adoption records. Dana shares her story of growing up with two younger siblings, biological to her parents, but feeling equally loved by her parents. She tells the heartbreaking story of learning that she would never meet her biological mother and the near miss of a second heartbreak with her suspected biological father. Luckily, Dana was able to recover from some misinformation to learn her father’s identity. This is Dana’s journey. Dana grew up in the suburbs of Cleveland, Ohio. Originally, her mother didn’t think she could have children, but after Dana’s adoption, their family did expand naturally.

Dana: 01:43 My adoptive, I’m like, um, a series of miscarriages and she was told that she, she would never have a child see a child of her own to full term. So she put it in an application through the Catholic charities and they called her like on her birthday and they told her that we have this little girl here, she’s French and Serbian, we know that your husband is, would you like to come look at her? Or my parents were like, really excited. They go, of course. Yeah, we weren’t gonna come take a look at her. So they went in to the orphanage. Um, I think it was a saint John’s Children’s home in Cleveland, Ohio. And they, they took a look at me and my mom said there was kind of like love at first sight and they took me home, my mom’s birthday. So, um, every year on her birthday we celebrated like um a cake for her and then cake for me because it was, there was our, our Gotcha Day and I love it. It was never kept a secret from me. It was never hidden. My mom actually did go on to have like, um, another, uh, a baby to full term that’s my sister and also like a son of full term of adoptive brother and sister. And it was, it was pretty cool because when, um, when my mom was pregnant with my sister, they actually came up for like, um, adoption for like a second time because she wanted a sibling for me. And the social worker called her and my mom goes, I’m willing, you know, I can’t do this now I’m pregnant. And she goes, well, you know, since, I know you had such a hard time. Like I’m keeping baby to full term. We’re gonna do is. I’m going to put your, file your case down at the bottom of the file. I want you to call me when that baby’s born. And my mom did and my social worker actually came out to see me and my sister and my sister was born, so it was really, really sweet that she, that she did that and everything, you know,

Damon: 03:43 That is really sweet, wow that is so incredibly thoughtful. Boy. She’s the right person for that kind of job.

Dana: 03:48 Exactly.

Damon: 03:50 Dana’s sister is three years younger than her and her brother is 11 years younger. She acknowledges that there was a significant age gap between herself and her brother, but they were all treated equally. You may have heard Dana say that her family was told she was French and Serbian. When people ask her about her heritage, she refers to her adopted mother’s Polish heritage and tells people that she’s legally Polish. I was curious about what differences Dana may have noticed between herself and her family members. Her sister was an athlete, but Dana lacks the hand eye coordination her sister has and while it’s not typically thought of as a family tree, she thinks she probably picked up her interest in Saifai from her adopted father because they used to watch star trek together.

Dana: 04:36 That my parents have always been like amazing and supportive. So even when it came, when even when I first talked about going after and looking for like my, um, my biological parents, they have, they’ve just been wonderful and amazing. That’s really great. As far as physical appearance, everybody told me growing up like they couldn’t believe that I was adopted because they look so much like, like my, like my adoptive mom, my and my sister. So it’s like, you know, it’s like I never saw any difference.

Damon: 05:06 It sounded to me like Dana was pretty comfortable in her home where everyone was loved and treated equally. So I wondered why she ever bothered to look for her biological family. She told me that three years ago when the state of Ohio opened adoption records for those born in the 1970s. She couldn’t fight the inner curiosity she’s always had.

Dana: 05:26 Even though I was always accepted, was always treated equally and loving everything. I always had the questions like,...