Late Diagnosis, Masking, and Making ADHD Work for You with Dr. Jennifer Dall

This week, I’m talking with Stephen Tonti and Aaron Smith, co-founders of the ADHD edutainment platform Attention Different. It’s a podcast and resource hub for ADHD adults looking for support, humor, and, most importantly, strategies that actually work. I got to know Stephen and Aaron at the 2024 ADHD Conference in Anaheim. Stephen’s a filmmaker and longtime ADHD advocate who’s been trying to reframe ADHD as a difference, not a disorder. Aaron’s a licensed therapist and ADHD coach, helping clients bridge the gap between clinical understanding and real-world functionality. In this episode, we dig into the messy middle of adulting with ADHD. We explore why the strategies that worked before suddenly stop working, the emotional aftermath of small mistakes, and why sometimes the best thing you can do is just… breathe.  I had a lot of fun with this one, it’s a grounded, funny, and deeply practical conversation about living with ADHD, without trying to fix it into something it’s not. If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/226 YouTube Patreon This Episode's Top Tips 1. You don’t need to finish all the dishes to feel like you’ve succeeded. Sometimes, doing just part of the task can be good enough, and good enough is a win. 2. We’re not always going to have high-capacity days, so work on shifting your mindset from “What can’t I do?” to “What can I do with the energy I have?” Reframing these thoughts can help manage low-capacity days with less shame. 3. In conflict, slow down. Shut up, breathe, listen, ask questions. This sequence can help de-escalate emotional tension, create space for connection, and avoid falling into defensiveness.

9 Juni 1h

Hey Team! This week I'm talking with H.H. Rune, a Pacific Northwest-based author whose writing explores neurodivergence, identity, and rediscovering meaning in everyday life. Rune was diagnosed with ADHD at 52 after decades of feeling like she was just "bad at life"—something I know I’ve felt a lot of in my own journey. In our conversation today, we talk through the emotional processing of a late diagnosis—Rune describes it as going through the five stages of grief—and how she’s reshaped her relationship with herself, her work, and the people around her. Rune also shares the evolution of her long-running book series and how ADHD both challenged and fueled her creative process. Listen to the Climbing the Walls podcast here! If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/225 YouTube Patreon This Episode's Top Tips 1. Avoid relying on memory, especially for creative ideas, and lean on tools like reminders, email, and structure to back up your attention. Don’t trust your brain to remember and instead trust the systems you’ve set up. 2. Try celebrating your ADHD curiosity. Instead of shaming yourself for going down “random” thought paths, reframe your curiosity as a gift and use humor to engage others. 3. Getting a late diagnosis can require a lot of emotional processing. Rune describes going through the five stages of grief post-diagnosis, acknowledging that the loss of a "life that could have been" is real and valid.

2 Juni 32min

This week I’m joined again by Cynthia Hammer, founder of ADD Resources, the Inattentive ADHD Coalition, and more recently, FINDtheADHDgirls. Cynthia’s been a driving force in ADHD advocacy since the 90s and continues to be one of the loudest and clearest voices calling for earlier, more accurate diagnoses—especially for girls. In our chat, we talked about how inattentive ADHD often slips through the cracks, especially in school settings, and how often many of us end up masking so well that even parents and teachers miss the signs. And since inattentive ADHD is predominantly seen in women, this is just another one of those issues that has driven so many women to go undiagnosed. Cynthia walks us through the new ADHD screening checklist she developed, the importance of identifying co-occurring conditions, and how things like sleep, histamine intolerance, and even stretchy joints can intersect with ADHD in ways that aren’t always obvious. Listen to the Climbing the Walls podcast here! If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/224 YouTube Patreon This Episode's Top Tips Not all hyperactivity is easy to spot. When dealing with combined type, many suppress hyperactivity and find subtle, socially acceptable ways to move around (like volunteering to hand out papers or making frequent trips to sharpen pencils) as a form of masked hyperactivity. Masking can often lead to delayed or missed diagnosis, especially for those who are people pleasers or academically high-performing. When a child seems fine at school but crashes emotionally at home, that’s a sign they may be overcompensating or masking symptoms all day. Early intervention helps build long-term executive function. Treating ADHD early isn’t just about managing symptoms in the moment; it's about teaching skills like organization, regulation, and focus while the brain is most plastic and ready to learn.

26 Maj 41min

Hey team! Today I’m talking with Jacob Nordby—author, creative mentor, and founder of the Institute for Creative Living. Jacob’s work blends personal development, creativity, and storytelling to help people live more aligned and authentic lives. In our conversation, we talk about his late ADHD diagnosis and how that shaped his journey to finding his authentic self. We explore the challenges of masking, the struggle of figuring out who you really are after years of trying to fit in, and how journaling, self-discovery tools, and embracing curiosity can help peel back those layers. We also dive into what it means to live authentically with ADHD and the ways masking can drain us. Start Freedom today! Use code ADHD40 to get them 40% off a Freedom Yearly premium subscription! Listen to the Climbing the Walls podcast here! If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/223 YouTube Patreon This Episode's Top Tips Use daily journaling with intentional prompts—Jacob recommends asking “How do I feel right now?”, “What do I need right now?”, and “What would I love to create?” to reconnect with your emotions, needs, and creative energy. Frame “rest” as active recovery—Instead of shaming yourself for downtime, recognize that pulling back sensory input (like a “pajama day” with blackout curtains) can be a crucial nervous system reset. Practice nonjudgmental self-discovery—Approach your exploration of who you are with curiosity instead of criticism, creating a safer internal space for growth.

19 Maj 38min

This week I’m talking with Dr. Maggie Sibley, a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Washington School of Medicine. Dr. Sibley has spent over two decades studying ADHD, and is author or co-author of over 120 research papers on the topic. And she is the author of Parent-Teen Therapy for Executive Function Deficits and ADHD: Building Skills and Motivation. So recently, when I was working on the newsletter for the show, I came across an article about ADHD titled "Study describes fluctuations, remissions seen with ADHD,” and that felt like it was worth investigating more. While reading through the paper that was linked into the article I got to thinking, “hey, I’d love to ask some more questions about the findings in this paper,” and it occurred to me, hey, I can just reach out to the author of the paper for a conversation on the podcast. And so that’s what today’s show is all about, we dig into that paper, titled “Characteristics and Predictors of Fluctuating Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in the Multimodal Treatment of ADHD (MTA) Study” that looks into symptom fluctuation based on the a review of the Multimodal Treatment of ADHD (MTA) Study. We talk about how ADHD symptoms don’t just disappear but actually tend to fluctuate — a lot more than many researchers expected. We also dive into why having more going on in life might actually make your ADHD symptoms less severe (or how that’s just one interpretation of the results), how motivation works for us, and what it means to find your own “sweet spot” of structure. Plus, we get into the upcoming diagnostic guidelines for adult ADHD from the American Professional Society for ADHD and Related Disorders. This is definitely an episode you don’t want to miss if you really enjoy the sciency side of things. Start Freedom today! Use code ADHD40 to get them 40% off a Freedom Yearly premium subscription! Listen to the Climbing the Walls podcast here! If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/222 YouTube Channel My Patreon This Episode's Top Tips ADHD symptoms don’t always follow a straight decline or improvement. Symptoms can often fluctuate, sometimes improving for years and then intensifying again. Expect waves, not a straight line, and don’t blame yourself when experiencing higher-than-normal symptoms. When you’re in a phase where ADHD feels more manageable, that’s a great time to try and take on more meaningful responsibilities — like work, school, or parenting — that can help create external structure and reinforce good patterns. While having more life demands (like a busy schedule, work responsibilities, or kids) can improve ADHD functioning by creating natural urgency and external motivators, it’s also important to make sure it doesn’t tip into overload. Not all clinicians are trained to recognize ADHD in adults, especially when childhood histories are murky. If your concerns are dismissed, it’s okay — and important — to seek out a more knowledgeable provider. And on that note, look out for updated diagnostic and treatment guidelines for adult ADHD from APSARD (American Professional Society for ADHD and Related Disorders). While these guidelines won’t change any of the diagnostic criteria in the DSM, they will help give clinicians clearer, evidence-based advice on how to apply them when evaluating ADHD in adults.

12 Maj 45min

Hey Team! This week we’ve got a really fun episode, I’m talking with ANDY J. PIZZA - well that was weird… Let’s try that again - ANDY J. PIZZA - All right, let’s just go with it. Andy is a podcaster, illustrator, and creative thinker who’s built a career by embracing the parts of himself that used to feel like liabilities. Andy’s the host of Creative Pep Talk, and his Right Side Out podcast series dives into what happens when you stop trying to pass for neurotypical and start living a little more like yourself. Andy was diagnosed in his twenties, and his experience navigating masking, creative burnout, and late-in-life self-acceptance forms the core of what we’re talking about today. In our conversation, we talk about the costs of masking, the weird middle ground between accommodation and authenticity, and the realization that sometimes we forget who we are because we’ve been trying so hard to be someone else. We also get into creative practice, novelty, and his favorite ADHD-friendly productivity hacks. And of course, we talk about what it means to live “right side out,” and what it really means to show up authentically. This was definitely one of my favorite episodes I’ve recorded so far this year, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Start Freedom today! Use code ADHD40 to get them 40% off a Freedom Yearly premium subscription! Listen to the Climbing the Walls podcast here! If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/221 YouTube Channel My Patreon This Episode's Top Tips Masking isn’t inherently a bad thing, but it certainly is when we’re doing it all the time and unconsciously. We want to be intentional about when and why we mask, and aim for authenticity when possible. It’s okay to embrace opposing truths. We need structure and flexibility, goals and play. We don’t have to fall into all-or-nothing thinking, and this can help us balance some of these ADHD “contradictions”. Celebrate difference, don’t just tolerate it. Safe spaces are good, but celebration spaces—where your uniqueness is actively valued—are better. Look for relationships or communities where people enjoy your way of being, not just what you can do

5 Maj 56min

Hey Team! Today I’m talking with Jessica Summers, a seasoned hypno-psychotherapist and the mind behind Hypnogenics. Jessica brings a unique blend of hypnotherapy and intuitive coaching, specifically tailored for individuals grappling with ADHD, autism, and high sensitivity. With her dual expertise in hypno-psychotherapy and energy coaching, Jessica has become a beacon for those seeking alternative therapeutic approaches. Now, I know the idea of hypnotherapy is not for everyone, and while traditional use of hypnotherapy is not specifically targeted for ADHD, it has been used to manage symptoms associated with ADHD, such as anxiety and stress management. So there's less direct research on hypnotherapy solely for ADHD symptom management, but it may help improve focus, reduce impulsivity, and enhance executive function through relaxation and stress reduction techniques - all stuff we’ll get into during the conversation. I just wanted to make sure I was up front about everything and didn’t want anyone to feel like I was being misleading with where there science currently stands. But really, the episode has a lot of focus on rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD), and while I know there are a lot of people who really resonate with this topic, it is again something that does not have a ton of research behind it yet. In the conversation, we explore this through the lens of the limbic system and how managing this brain region can profoundly impact ADHD symptoms and how we can work on helping deal with those RSD symptoms as well. I got a lot out of this conversation and felt Jessica’s perspective was enlightening, offering actionable advice and novel therapeutic options that could lead to a bit more balance to your ADHD treatment. Start Freedom today! Use code ADHD40 to get them 40% off a Freedom Yearly premium subscription! If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/220 YouTube Channel My Patreon This Episode's Top Tips Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is an intense emotional reaction to perceived or actual rejection, criticism, or failure, often experienced as sudden and overwhelming shame, panic, or sadness. It’s not just discomfort with rejection—it’s a limbic-driven response that can feel physically painful and can lead to avoidance, emotional outbursts, or withdrawal. We can think of the limbic system as the emotional and threat-processing part of the brain — it’s responsible for detecting danger and activating the fight, flight, or freeze response. But for people with ADHD (and especially those experiencing RSD), that system often gets stuck on high alert. When thinking about working on retraining your limbic system understand that it isn’t a quick fix and that it can take dedicated, intense work that isn’t always ADHD friendly. Focus on working using gentle, daily practices to create safety in your body, working on understanding your nervous system, and offering yourself neutral truths instead of judgment (such as “New things can feel uncomfortable sometimes”). The goal isn’t to override the response with willpower — it’s to help your brain feel safe enough to listen.

28 Apr 42min

This week I’m talking with Jaye Lin — ADHD podcaster and community builder — who brings a uniquely grounded perspective on what it actually takes to work with our brains instead of constantly trying to outsmart them. I got to know Jaye at the 2024 ADHD Conference in Anaheim, where we met at a party hosted by the Attention Different crew (that’s an upcoming podcast with them as well). It was great because I had already been introduced to Jaye through her excellent podcast on Understood.org Tips From an ADHD Coach on the MissUnderstood: ADHD in Women channel. And it turns out she’s been a long-time listener of this show, so some great serendipity with us running into each other. Jaye is a former Google Administrative Business Partner, where she co-founded the ADHD-Women@Google employee resource group and became their first ADHD-trained peer coach. She has recently returned to corporate life but is still coaching, advocating and podcasting on the side. In our conversation, Jaye walks us through the concept of the Optimization Trap — a sneaky little loop that many ADHDers fall into where we spend so much time planning and perfecting an idea that we burn out before we ever start. We get into why finishing often matters more than perfecting, the cognitive cost of creative over-planning. We also talk about how optimization shows up in everyday life: at work, in relationships, when packing for a trip, or even when choosing a podcast mic. Start Freedom today! Use code ADHD40 to get them 40% off a Freedom Yearly premium subscription! If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/219 YouTube Channel My Patreon This Episode's Top Tips Optimize for completion, not perfection. Focus on what will get the task done, not the flashiest or most complex version of it. Try setting a timer for the planning phase. If you are having trouble with optimization, try giving yourself a set amount of time, maybe an hour, so you don’t get stuck endlessly researching or brainstorming. Be sure to schedule regular reevaluations of your planning. We don’t want to get stuck with an outdated plan that we’re not really using. Make time by putting it in your calendar to reassess whether your current path is still the one you want to be on.

21 Apr 1h 3min