211: The Carrot or the Stick - How to Bring Her Wall Down Without Pressure

211: The Carrot or the Stick - How to Bring Her Wall Down Without Pressure

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use?

Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornographyhttps://stopporn.info/

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here:

sam@healingcouples.org

Episode show notes:

If you’ve stopped watching pornography but your wife still struggles to trust you, you’re not alone — and you’re not broken. One of the hardest parts of porn addiction recovery isn’t just quitting porn… it’s rebuilding safety, connection, and intimacy in your marriage after betrayal.

In this episode, we dive deep into why your wife’s walls may still be up even after you’ve started healing from pornography addiction — and why that’s normal. We’ll explore what’s happening underneath her hesitation, what she needs to feel safe again, and how you can rebuild trust without pressuring her or “proving” yourself constantly.

You’ll learn:

  • Why wives often stay guarded even after their husband stops watching porn

  • How porn betrayal impacts safety, intimacy, and connection in marriage

  • Why stopping porn isn’t enough to rebuild trust — and what actually creates healing

  • Practical ways to rebuild closeness without shame, pressure, or defensiveness

  • How consistent actions, not promises, restore trust during porn addiction recovery

This episode is for you if you’ve ever thought:

  • “I’ve quit porn, why doesn’t she believe me yet?”

  • “I’m working so hard, but she still feels distant.”

  • “How do we heal our marriage after porn addiction and betrayal?”

Whether you’re early in your journey of overcoming porn addiction or you’ve been rebuilding for months, this episode will help you:

  • Understand what’s really happening when her walls stay up

  • Learn how to create genuine emotional safety

  • Rebuild connection in your marriage without shortcuts or pressure

  • Heal together as you recover from pornography

Porn addiction recovery isn’t just about removing pornography — it’s about restoring trust, intimacy, and safety. If you’ve been working on change but still feel disconnected, this conversation will help you see what’s missing and what to focus on next.

Avsnitt(219)

88. 2 Ways to Increase a Husband’s Compassion and Empathy in Marriage

88. 2 Ways to Increase a Husband’s Compassion and Empathy in Marriage

When a marriage is impacted by pornography addiction, it causes a lot of damage and pain. One of the most important things in the healing process is having compassion and empathy for a wife who has been impacted, but unfortunately having conversations where there is compassion and empathy can be difficult. It's easy for men to get stuck feeling shame and want to avoid these difficult conversations, but in this episode I share with you 2 specific ways you can approach hard conversations to allow compassion and empathy to naturally flow.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

14 Apr 202322min

87. How to Properly Disclose a Relapse (and Avoid a Fight)

87. How to Properly Disclose a Relapse (and Avoid a Fight)

On the path to overcoming a pornography addiction, there are often slips and relapses, and those conversations are painful to have. There is a clear, three-step framework I teach to clients to actually make those conversations feel productive and provide some hope about moving forward together despite the recent slip.  In this episode I share with you exactly how to have that conversation, which can actually bring you closer together if it's done correctly. If it's not done correctly, it will increase the distance, mistrust, and hurt feelings so using this framework can help you navigate this tough situation. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

6 Apr 202320min

86. 3 Ways To Improve Intimacy After Pornography Addiction

86. 3 Ways To Improve Intimacy After Pornography Addiction

Sexual intimacy is often times badly damaged after discovering a pornography addiction.  There are fears, feelings of inadequacy, triggers, and painful feeling that go along with intimacy as a result of pornography use. In this episode I'll share with you three ways you can improve your intimacy, how to handle triggers, and ways to have conversations together that actually are productive and bring some closure and reassurance. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

30 Mars 202324min

85. 3 Tools to Overcome Feelings of Unworthiness

85. 3 Tools to Overcome Feelings of Unworthiness

When overcoming a pornography addiction, many men experience feelings of unworthiness or some version of feeling not good enough, failure, bad, or defective.  Very often, a wife will experience unworthiness and not feeling good enough as a result of her husband’s addiction. Overcoming feelings of unworthiness is such a critical part of the healing process for people because these painful emotions often lead to a relapse, which fuels more feelings of unworthiness. In this episode I deep dive into three specific strategies you can use to help change this negative belief so you can feel more confident, experience your value, feel good about yourself, and move forward without slips.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

23 Mars 202327min

84. These Types of Boundaries Can Unintentionally Hurt Your Marriage

84. These Types of Boundaries Can Unintentionally Hurt Your Marriage

Creating boundaries in a marriage that's been affected by pornography addiction is a very common solution that offered.  I found that there are certain types of boundaries and the timing they are implemented can cause a detrimental effect on the health of a marriage unintentionally.  In this episode I share some principles to guide you as you are determining what boundaries to put in place and for how long you want them, and instead what to really be focusing on that get For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

9 Mars 202328min

83. How to Identify the Root Cause of Your Pornography Addiction

83. How to Identify the Root Cause of Your Pornography Addiction

When a man struggles with a pornography addiction, identifying the root cause in resolving it on that level is the most effective way to help him change and overcome the addiction. Without knowing what’s driving the addiction, and addressing the underlying problems, all of the traditional responses or coping strategies, like exercise, journaling, mindfulness, etc. won’t help somebody heal on a deeper level. In this episode, I share with you the exact framework I use to help people identify their root cause issues so you can listen to this and know how to find your own and take the steps necessary to resolve them. I. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

3 Mars 202324min

82. When She Feels Lots of Anger and Resentment

82. When She Feels Lots of Anger and Resentment

After there has been betrayal in a relationship due to a pornography addiction, it’s very common for a wife to experience a lot of anger and resentment.  There are 3 things that a husband can do to defuse and calm her anger in a way that helps her feel understood and comforted. In this episode, I share with you some powerful ways to approach the situation so a husband and wife can work together towards finding a resolution and ultimately healing their marriage and rebuilding trust.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

24 Feb 202330min

81. 3 Tools to Bounce Back Effectively After a Relapse

81. 3 Tools to Bounce Back Effectively After a Relapse

Relapses can be extremely discouraging both for the husband who is trying to overcome pornography, addiction, and for his wife.  In this episode, I share three specific things that you can do as a husband after a relapse in order to get back on track, effectively reengage in the process, and ultimately become more successful in avoiding slips in the future.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

19 Feb 202317min

Populärt inom Samhälle & Kultur

mardromsgasten
podme-dokumentar
rattsfallen
en-mork-historia
aftonbladet-krim
p3-dokumentar
nemo-moter-en-van
skaringer-nessvold
badfluence
blenda-2
creepypodden-med-jack-werner
killradet
flashback-forever
hor-har
kod-katastrof
vad-blir-det-for-mord
aftonbladet-daily
p3-dystopia
varvet
rysarpodden