Communication Part 3: The Assumptions That Destroy Communication

Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionIf you have a question you would like addressed, call us! Leave your question in a recorded message which we may select to be played on a future episode. That question line is 801-669-8513.Summary:In this episode, Robert and Sharla Snow discuss the challenge of difficult conversations and the consequences of the silent treatment in relationships. They explain the difference between silence and the silent treatment, highlighting the importance of avoiding the latter. The hosts also explore the reasons why people use the silent treatment and the emotional abuse it can cause. They provide solutions for breaking the silence, including acknowledging the issue, overcoming fear, and seeking help if needed.Takeaways:Difficult conversations are necessary in relationships, and avoiding them can lead to emotional distance.The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse that can make the recipient feel rejected and unimportant.Silence can be acceptable in certain situations, such as taking a break during a heated conversation or removing oneself from verbal abuse.To break the silence, it is important to acknowledge the issue, communicate honestly and without blame, and keep trying even if it is challenging.Chapters: 02:29 The Consequences of the Silent Treatment03:55 Difference Between Silence and the Silent Treatment05:46 The Silent Treatment as Emotional Abuse07:09 Reasons for Using the Silent Treatment09:31 Avoiding the Silent Treatment13:16 Research on the Silent Treatment15:10 Solutions: Breaking the Silence17:04 Acknowledging the Silence19:51 Overcoming Fear of Addressing the Silence23:41 Keep Trying and Seek Help if Needed24:10 ConclusionOther research and resources mentioned in this episode:Schrodt P, Witt P, Shimkowski J. A meta-analytical review of the demand/withdraw pattern of interaction and its associations with individual, relational, and communicative outcomes. Communication Monographs, 2014;81(1):28. doi:10.1080/03637751.2013.81363Additional Reading:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3218801/

21 Feb 202425min

Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionIf you have a question you would like addressed, call us! Leave your question in a recorded message which we may select to be played on a future episode. That question line is 801-669-8513.SummaryIn this episode, Robert and Sharla Snow discuss gridlocked conflicts in relationships, inspired by a listener's question about managing conflicts with in-laws. They explain the three types of conflicts: solvable, perpetual, and gridlock, with gridlock problems being the most challenging. They emphasize the importance of approaching gridlock problems with compassion and acceptance, as well as seeking to understand each other's perspectives. They caution against criticizing, using the four horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling), and instead encourage calm and positive communication. They also provide guidance on how to start a gentle conversation to address gridlock problems.TakeawaysGridlock problems in relationships are the most challenging and can lead to emotional disengagement and relationship breakdown.Approach gridlock problems with compassion, acceptance, and understanding of each other's perspectives.Avoid criticizing, using the four horsemen, and coming in hot during conversations about gridlock problems.Seek to understand each other's values and dreams that are in conflict, and prioritize dialogue and compromise.ChaptersListener Question: Managing Big ConflictsTypes of Conflicts: Solvable, Perpetual, and GridlockUnderstanding Gridlock ProblemsThe Danger of Gridlock ProblemsApproaching Gridlock Problems with Compassion and AcceptanceRecognizing and Addressing Gridlock ProblemsThe Importance of Acceptance and CompassionWhat Not to Do: Criticizing and Using the Four HorsemenWhat to Do: Seek Understanding and DialogueGetting to the Root of the ProblemTurning the Cart Around and Seeking HelpRole Play: Starting a Gentle Conversation

14 Feb 202428min

Be sure to check out our new course, “In Sync Together: Aligning Values and Vision” In this episode, Sharla and Robert are joined by author, coach, and licensed therapist Colleen O'Grady for an insightful discussion on parenting, relationships, and the impact one has on the other. We talk about the challenges faced by parents, with a special focus on how these stresses can affect a couple's relationship, citing a statistic that 67% of relationships experience extreme dissatisfaction within the first three years of parenting. The episode presents practical solutions for maintaining a strong connection despite the strains of parenting and shares proven strategies for managing life transitions. Apart from that, we also explore the importance of rituals, appreciation, love maps, and turning toward each other when experiencing challenging times. Tune in for this valuable discussion whether you are a parent, considering becoming one, or someone seeking ways to smoothen life transitions with their significant other.Today you’ll hear about:02:37 The Impact of Parenting on Couples03:42 The Importance of Relationship Skills03:54 The Influence of Childhood Experiences on Relationships06:37 The Role of Conflict in Relationships11:59 The Importance of Understanding in Conflict Resolution19:52 The Role of Friendship in Maintaining Connection24:36 The Importance of Rituals in Relationships25:13 The Importance of Daily Rituals in Relationships25:19 The Power of High Fives and Hugs: Non-Negotiables in a Day26:03 The State of the Union: Weekly Meetings for Connection26:22 Stress Relieving Conversations: A Daily Ritual27:21 The Role of Rituals in Strengthening Relationships28:09 The Importance of Intentionality in Relationships28:37 Turning Towards Each Other: A Key to Connection29:04 The Power of Turning Towards in Difficult Times33:19 The Power of Bids for Connection37:36 The Role of Love Maps in Navigating Relationships39:45 The Importance of Staying Current in Each Other's Lives41:49 The Importance of Appreciation in Relationships42:41 The Impact of Appreciation on Emotional Bank Accounts47:04 The Power of Pride in Relationships48:51 Final Thoughts and Advice for ParentsMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️ https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

7 Feb 202452min

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya AngelouOne of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is a calm nervous system. That’s what co-regulation is: The way in which one person's nervous system influences another person's nervous system, creating a sense of safety and soothing. Co-regulation can be medicine for an activated, stressed-out nervous system, and as a result, it can create tremendous safety in relationships.But it’s different from codependency – we’re not just counting on our partners to control how we feel. Instead, we use the strength that co-regulation gives us to self-regulate for longer periods of time.Tune in for practical ideas to co-regulate with your partner. Even if your partner isn’t into all of this, there are things YOU can do to improve your relationship dynamic.“When little people are overwhelmed with big emotions, it is our job to share our calm, not join in their chaos.” L.R. KnostResources Mentioned In This Episode:Polyvagal Theory - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3108032/#:~:text=The%20polyvagal%20theory%20proposes%20that,substrates%20for%20adaptive%20behavioral%20strategies Recommended Reading: https://a.co/d/9sZ0gv5MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️ https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

31 Jan 202428min

“Safety is not just the absence of threat.” - Sharla SnowDo you feel safe in your relationship? Does your spouse feel safe?What does ‘safety’ mean in this context? Well, more than just physical safety, it involves feeling safe, connected, and like your walls are down when you’re together.Safety in relationships cannot be overlooked. A person’s perceived safety is the foundation for healthy connection. And just because you love someone, it doesn’t always mean you feel safe with them.In this episode, Sharla and Robert are going to dive into the science behind these feelings of safety [or threat] and provide tips for creating safety in your relationships.Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Polyvagal Theory - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3108032/#:~:text=The%20polyvagal%20theory%20proposes%20that,substrates%20for%20adaptive%20behavioral%20strategies Recommended reading - https://a.co/d/bq822BsMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️ https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

24 Jan 202430min

It’s no surprise that physical touch is an important aspect of relationships – but did you know that it has numerous benefits, including reducing stress, improving bonding, and regulating the nervous system?So why do so many people struggle with physical touch? (Even when it’s not sexual…)Well, your childhood experiences can shape your relationship with touch, and if you’re experiencing difficulty with physical touch, it is important to reflect on and heal any past wounds or conditioning related to touch.This episode will help you understand where to start and give you some practical steps for creating a safe space with your partner.Resources Mentioned In This Episode:A Study on Social Contact https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17201784/ MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️ https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

17 Jan 202431min

“All successful businesses have a vision statement. In businesses, if we don’t have a goal, it’s just a wish or a hope. And hope is not a good business strategy. Much the same in our relationships.” - Robert Snow In marriage, like in life, success takes intentionality. Sure, we have ‘chemistry’ and that’s a beautiful, natural way in which we connect. But once life kicks in with annoyances, differences, and the general challenges of being human, chemistry fades, and what you have left is two people who need to figure out how to make it work. A vision statement for your marriage ensures that you’re both on the same page about where you want your relationship to go and what you’ll be doing to get there. Tune in to learn where to start, what to include, and to get inspired by ideas that will refresh your marriage in 2024.MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsMake 2024 the year that you let go ➡️ https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

10 Jan 202440min

You know that feeling of growing apart from your spouse over the years, where intimacy and passion seem to fade into the background as life gets busy?In this episode, Robert and Sharla join Hailey Babcock of The Body Pod to provide a glimpse of hope in their discussion of rebuilding sex, intimacy, and friendship in marriage. They share from their own experience turning things around after a rough patch, and offer practical steps like establishing daily rituals, prioritizing quality time together, and learning each other's love languages to rekindle that closeness. Reconnecting at the deepest level will require developing self-awareness and emotional maturity to be truly vulnerable with your partner - this will allow intimacy to blossom once again.Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch - https://a.co/d/4CPF8UkIntimacy & Desire by Dr. David Schnarch - https://a.co/d/4f6r0hI The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman - https://a.co/d/4Z4rsZI Everything Isn't Terrible by Kathleen Smith - https://a.co/d/9if0o30 MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️ https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Hailey Babcock:Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/haileyhappensfitness?igsh=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA==Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

3 Jan 202456min