Communication Part 3: The Assumptions That Destroy Communication

Do any of these describe you and your relationship?- You love your spouse, but you sort of hate being alone with them- When you’re alone with your spouse, you feel bored, anxious, or uncomfortable- You’re so stressed out in life, but when you try to relax, you just can’t- You don’t trust your spouse to go on trips together without it becoming a negative experience- You’re getting bored with your sex life- Or maybe, you’ve felt like this about your spouse: “I don’t even know if I love you or if I want to be married to you.” Even if you said yes to just one of those, it could be time to consider taking a vacation with your spouse ALONE. That means no kids, no social media, no friends, no buffers…Work, life, finances, kids – it can all tend to make us distracted, stressed, or even disconnected from our spouses. Even when you’re doing date nights, and trying to be intentional about connecting with your spouse within your regular life schedule, there’s a lingering sense of life’s demands just begging for your attention.If you’re not careful, this could have painful repercussions in the long run. So, for the sake of your marriage’s future, tune in to this episode to learn how couple-only vacations can lead to better communication, rekindled romance, and stronger emotional connections."Lack of deliberate connection can turn us into strangers" - Robert Snow“A lack of intentional effort is leading to significant detachment and missed chances for connection.” - Sharla SnowIn this Episode:How novel experiences trigger your brain's reward system, leading to those feelings of early-stage romantic attraction.How couple-only vacations introduce novelty into your relationship, sparking renewed passion and connection.How getting away can reignite your sex life.Understand how couple-only vacations offer unhurried conversations, a precious opportunity to delve into deep discussions.Couple-only vacations as an investment in your relationship and individual well-beingGain insights into budget-friendly travel ideas and effective planning strategies to overcome common challenges.And so much more!MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

6 Sep 202324min

By the time a couple is ready to call it quits, chances are one, or both, of the parties involved have been complaining for quite some time – and eventually, someone just gets too tired of the complaining.So, how do you avoid becoming THAT couple?Well, you start by accepting influence. Being flexible enough to shift your viewpoint or response based on your partner’s feedback, taking those complaints and letting them affect you — this is what’s necessary to transform your conflicts into opportunities for connection.You might be thinking, “It’s my partner that needs to shift their viewpoint, not me.” Or, “It’s them who needs to be influenced.”Don’t worry. In this episode, we’ve got a secret for how to make yourself more influential too. So, press play as we dive into a “yielding to win” mindset."[Accepting influence] doesn’t mean we have to surrender our deeply held values or dreams, or even agree with everything our partner says ." - Robert Snow“It's crucial to remember that acknowledging your partner's influence doesn't mean you're conceding defeat. It's really just about creating emotional safety and respect, where both of you can express yourselves freely and without fear.” - Sharla SnowIn this Episode:What it means to accept influenceDifferent ways to respond to criticism and requestsHow to become more powerful in the relationshipPhrases you can use to de-escalate criticism and accept influenceAnd so much more!MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsLink to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

30 Aug 202315min

Compromise never feels perfect.Great, now that we've got that out of the way, let's be honest about what compromise DOES feel like.It can feel like you're giving up too much... like you're losing your identity... Or like your partner is the reason you don't get your dreams fulfilled.Do these resonate with you?Well, good news. It doesn't actually HAVE to feel that way. Gottman research shows that before we start compromising at all, we need to dig deeper into understanding one another to really be able to make compromising decisions. The goal isn't to let go of your dreams, or lower your expectations -- it's to find a solution that honors both of you, and that can't be done if you don't have a strong understanding of the needs, dreams, and core values of your partner.Join us on this episode to learn the 6 steps recipe for compromise. Trust us, it’s a game changer. "Always have the mindset that when you hit an obstacle or conflict, it's a good opportunity to learn and grow together." - Robert SnowIn this Episode:What causes us to vilify each other in the relationshipThe danger of going into resolution mode too fastUnderstanding one another on the deepest levelKnowing yourself more also helps - what can you be flexible about?The temporary nature of compromise And so much more!MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

23 Aug 202315min

When do perpetual problems in our relationship become a PROBLEM? When do we need to worry? When partners get so entrenched in their positions, they go into 'gridlock.' And gridlock leads to emotional disengagement and a cascade of isolation – bad news if you're looking to stay in a loving relationship.So how do successful couples handle problems? Sharla and Robert are sharing a powerful communication process that can help you identify what is really going on when you get 'stuck' with your partner. This process fosters real empathy as you seek to understand, not solve. Because the real win-win that we are striving for here is to support each other in our dreams. As we learn to listen and not judge, understand, and not persuade, we learn to grow. And therein lies the opportunity in what we may perceive as an insurmountable problem: personal growth that fuels our capacity for love. Learn too about how 69% of conflicts are perpetual and what it takes to make strides in dealing with them, as well as how to identify the value that lies behind the issue that we are stubbornly staking our identity to. With Robert and Sharla at the wheel, we can soon be well on our way to getting out of gridlock and driving off into a sunset of mutual understanding. Please join us. "Problems aren't the problem. Problems actually provide adaptive value to the individuals who are in the relationship. They increase our capacity to love and find mutual understanding for one another. They essentially grow us up." ~ Sharla Snow"When you pick someone to have a relationship with, you inherently pick the problems that you're going to have for the next 20, 30, 40 years. And if you don't like those problems, you can pick somebody else. But you'll just have a different set of problems for the next 20, 30, or 40 years." ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- Why problems aren't the problem: seeing the opportunity to grow- When you choose your partner, you choose your set of problems- Time, Sex, and Money: the 3 biggest sources of conflict for most couples- Understanding the three different types of conflict: solvable, perpetual, and gridlocked- A listening process for cultivating emotional safety and productivity- Learning to understand, not solveAnd so much more!MYM Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

16 Aug 202316min

How are we building emotional resilience so that we can show up as our higher self in order for our relationship to grow? One proven way is through the power of our breath, something that we are all already doing anyway!Debra Heslin is in conversation today with Sharla Snow, and together, they are exploring ideas around emotional resilience, and creating 'coherence' so that our four connected systems (mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual) are in balance, allowing us to get into a healthy rhythm as we go about facing the day's challenges. Both Debra and Sharla are trainers in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Debra's backstory is that she came from high-powered corporate America, and realized there has to be a better way. Now she is a high-performance coach, specializing in NLP, hypnosis, and timeline therapy – and also a trainer for the HeartMath Institute. Learn all about Heart Math, depleting emotions, and how to practice what we do already anyway (breathe) with volition and awareness that then proffers a different result. We do have control over how we respond to the things that happen to us in life. And with some scientifically proven breathing techniques (and some practice), we begin to breathe in the coherence, hit reset, and shift our baseline for what we are capable of responding to in advance so that we don't have to put out fires later on. We have more choices than we realize we have when life throws us situations that are uncomfortable. And what greater gift can we give to one another than our own inner peace and calm? When we do that, we bring our higher selves to our conversation. Please join us in this highly practical and illuminating episode of Master Your Marriage that all starts with our breath. "Basically, we see the world through how we feel." ~ Debra HeslinIn This Episode:- What is Heart Math?- What does Coherence mean?- Understanding depleting emotions- Learning from the 8 Predictors For Divorce- Developing Emotional Resilience by breathing into our heart- How do our batteries get depleted? - Recognizing our depleting emotions- Debra shares the scientifically proven effects of the Quick Coherence Test- A 'Shift and Lift' breathing technique- How do we breathe in these emotions of self-care? - Practice shifts our baseline: 'self-mastery is spelled WORK'And so much more!MYM Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423- HeartMath Coherence Advantage Training for U.S. times - Use "Heartmath" as the code at checkout. https://www.debraheslinwellness.com/offers/FnwQaDFe/checkout - HeartMath Coherence Advantage Training for AU and NZ times - Use "Heartmath" as the code at checkout. <a href="https://www.debraheslinwellness.com/offers/r7Mk4rbe/checkout%EF%BF%BC" rel="noopener noreferrer"...

9 Aug 202341min

How do you see yourself? How do you see your partner? And how do you think your partner sees you? Decoding our sexual desire is the theme of this week's episode, as Sharla and Robert debunk the Hollywood ideas of what sex 'should' be like in a relationship.Together they get to the heart of what is required to maintain a deep, desire-driven relationship well into the years when cellulite and old age may traditionally start to impact the level of sexual desire for your partner that you would expect to have. Drawing on the work of renowned therapist David Schnarch, they look at the traditional drives of love and desire – Lust, Romantic Love, and Attachment – and then turn the spotlight on the all-important, less-understood 4th drive: your sense of self. The good news is that desire and attraction can get better as we age together in our relationships. Being secure and honest in who we are, appreciating the differences in the other person, and allowing yourself to be fully seen are just some of the ingredients to this as we learn that our own sense of self is perhaps the biggest driver of our sexual desire. Your chance to be fully seen and fully desired awaits. Please join us. "When you believe that sex always works naturally and easily – and then that is not your experience – it's easy to go down the rabbit hole of 'I'm defective' or 'There must be something wrong with me.'" ~ Robert Snow"There is always a ‘higher desire’ partner and a ‘lower desire’ partner." ~ Sharla Snow In This Episode:- Sharla shares her sexual education (confusion, shame, and trauma)- How desire drops when we think there is something wrong with us- What can go wrong when we satisfy our ‘lower desire’ partner- The Three Drives of Love and Desire... and then a Fourth!- Understanding how our sense of self impacts our desire- What does having a 'reflective sense of self' mean? - 'Giving up or growing up': shifting our locus of self-worthAnd so much more!MYM Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423- David Schnarch Intimacy and Desire Book - Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship - https://www.amazon.com/Intimacy-Desire-Awaken-Passion-Relationship/dp/0825306299/- <a...

2 Aug 202321min

What does sex mean for you? Now ask yourself: what does sex mean for your partner? And what about intimacy? Do you and your partner have a clear understanding of each other's needs for both intimacy and sex? Sex, intimacy, and vulnerability. These three ideas end up colliding in the bedroom and either creating amazing sex and connection or creating resentment and distance in your relationship. In this week's episode of Master Your Marriage, Robert and Sharla are gingerly shining a light on the nuances of sex and intimacy because (as they often witness in their relationship counseling) we often end up conflating sex with intimacy, creating confusion.What societal stereotypes are real, and how much are they just a part of our current culture and conditioning? With a bit of historical perspective, we can debunk the myth that men are sex-crazed and that a woman's sexuality should be villainized. Robert and Sharla also explore what goes on in the bedroom for most couples, and then, drawing from personal experience, ask us to widen our scope of interest as we consider what it means to be intimate and vulnerable with each other throughout the day. As we create relationship rituals that foster intimacy and bridge the divide between any awkward expectations when it comes to the act of sex, we can begin to truly express our intimate love and understanding of our partner's needs. * Please be advised that while the content of this episode is not explicit, it may not be suitable for children."Deep intimacy is about being with someone in their wholeness. It's about figuratively being naked with each other." ~ Robert Snow"I think when you have a lot of intimacy in your day-to-day life, intimacy isn't always the requirement for sex." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- Understanding that sex and intimacy are not the same thing- How sex is portrayed in the media - questioning the stereotypes - The Second Great Awakening - when did women's sexuality become villainized? - What do men want from sex? - Does sex always need to be intimate? - How are we creating intimacy in the non-sexual moments in our relationship? - Exploring some of the relationship rituals that can foster intimacy- What prevents us from being intimate?- Understanding what the meaning of sex is for your partner And so much more!MYM Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - <a href="http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage" rel="noopener noreferrer"...

26 Juli 202319min

Defensiveness in relationships has become increasingly pervasive, posing a significant challenge in modern times. It hinders genuine connection, fosters negativity, and breeds resentment. However, Robert and Sharla are here to guide you toward a transformative path.Discover the psychology behind defensiveness as Robert and Sharla shed light on its roots and why it fails as a constructive coping mechanism. Armed with valuable insights, they equip you with practical strategies to overcome defensiveness and reclaim the harmony and intimacy in your relationships.Learn to navigate triggering moments gracefully as they share powerful phrases that can de-escalate conversations, fostering understanding and compassion. Whether it's for your marriage, family bonds, or overall well-being, developing the skills to manage defensiveness is a vital step toward personal growth and healthier connections.Prepare to dismantle the barriers that obstruct genuine connection as Robert and Sharla provide you with the tools to break free from defensiveness and embark on a journey of trust, vulnerability, and renewed love.As always, be kind to each other, take care of each other, and put each other first. Remember that it is the small and simple things we do every day that create strong relationships."Being defensive means rushing to defend yourself when you are faced with an uncomfortable situation or a feeling, rather than being able to sit in it, listening and really talking about whatever that problem is." ~ Sharla Snow "Defensiveness really is a coping strategy that makes you feel better only in the moment. But it’s not a positive strategy because the cleanup afterward is far, far worse." ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- The impact defensiveness has on trust and communication- Why is defensiveness more prevalent today than it was before? - The psychology of defensiveness - Reasons why we get defensive- What defensiveness looks like - The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that predict divorce - Suggestions to overcome defensiveness - Phrases you can use to de-escalate a conversation - What can you do if you have a chronically defensive partner? And so much more!MYM Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage" rel="noopener noreferrer"...

19 Juli 202322min