The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast10 Dec 2019

Episode 50: Trauma Bonds: How to recognize them, break them, and co-parent through them

This week's episode is about trauma bonding. I've been doing a lot of research on trauma bonding recently because it comes up with so many of my clients and members of my groups. In doing the research I realized that I had a trauma bond in a relationship that ended only five and a half years ago.

What this means is that a good five years into my coaching career, fifteen years into my codependency recovery, and well into my divorce, I slipped down this rabbit-hole myself.

According to Shahida Arabi, author of the amazing book, Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare, a trauma bond is: "A bond that forms due to intense, emotional experiences, usually with a toxic person. Similar to Stockholm Syndrome, it holds us emotionally captive to a manipulator who keeps us "hostage" – whether that be through physical or emotional abuse."

Trauma bonding can happen to anyone, especially those of us who are pre-conditioned to be drawn to relationships that are abusive or in some way reflective of past or childhood traumas. And let me be absolutely clear: There's no shame in this, but there is great power in seeing the trauma bond for what it is, because only then can we begin to break free of it.

Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode:

How to recognize a trauma bond: I share the story of my own trauma bonded relationship, which, surprisingly, was NOT with my ex-husband.
How to heal from a trauma bond: To break free of a trauma bond, professional help in the form of psychotherapy and life coaching is always highly recommended.
How to co-parent when healing from a trauma bond: when parallel parenting is better than co-parenting.

This is a deep, dense, and intense topic. Please be gentle with yourself as you process this, and be sure to let me know if you need help breaking a trauma bond.

Resources & Links:

Private Coaching Consult with Me
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare
The High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide
BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email, and Social Media Meltdowns
High-Conflict Divorce for Women
Magic Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist

DSG Episode: Surviving Abuse with Mickie Zada

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