216: When Sexual Energy Builds: How to Avoid the Relapse Spiral Without Suppression or Shame

216: When Sexual Energy Builds: How to Avoid the Relapse Spiral Without Suppression or Shame

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use?

Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornographyhttps://stopporn.info/

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here:

sam@healingcouples.org

Episode show notes:

Today we dive deep into the real reason men relapse when sexual energy builds — and it’s not just about willpower.

If you've been battling porn addiction, you’ve likely tried to resist, suppress, and distract yourself every time an urge to watch porn surfaces. But what if that strategy is actually setting you up to fail?

This episode uncovers why the common “dam approach” — where you try to hold back your sexual urges through deprivation — often leads to more pressure, anxiety, and eventual porn relapses.

Instead, we explore two proven frameworks that help men break free from the binge/guilt/shame cycle and experience long-term porn addiction recovery.

We tell the story of two men:

One who used pornography to escape emotional pain like shame, rejection, and loneliness...

And one who faced habitual urges and sexual energy late at night, even after he had removed his triggers...

Both learned how to stop using porn as a coping mechanism and finally felt in control again.

In this episode, you'll learn:

Why deprivation often causes anxiety and increases the risk of porn relapses

How to understand what’s really driving your urge to watch porn — emotional pain vs. physical arousal

How to use mindfulness and redirection to handle urges without suppression or shame

A question that instantly grounds you when you're triggered: “What else in my environment is interesting right now?”

How to finally stop the cycle of white-knuckling, slipping, and starting over again

This episode is for you if you want to:

  • Quit porn for good
  • Overcome habitual porn use
  • Break free from compulsive sexual behaviors
  • Stop relapse before it happens
  • Build emotional and mental tools to master their porn recovery journey

If you're ready to stop fighting against your urges and finally start understanding and resolving them at the root, this episode will give you the clarity and tools you’ve been missing.

Avsnitt(218)

79. Codependency and Self Esteem

79. Codependency and Self Esteem

Codependency is often used by people in a negative way and is often such a big stumbling block to creating the type of security, connection, and fulfillment in their marriage. The reality is that having a secure and loving connection in a relationship is one of our biggest resources and in today’s episode, I will break down exactly how to leverage our inborn longings for a strong relationship and how it increases our self esteem, confidence, emotional and mental well-being, and decreases depression and anxiety. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

3 Feb 202328min

78. 5 MUSTS to Heal Your Marriage This Year

78. 5 MUSTS to Heal Your Marriage This Year

So many couples I work with has been struggling for many years to heal from the impact of pornography addiction, and the betrayal it causes.  After having worked with couples for over a decade, there are five things that successful couples have in common. In this episode, I share with you those five things that can help you know what to focus on to have a completely different marriage in 2023.  It’s important that there is effort and attention, given to nurture the relationship, but knowing exactly what activities to focus on, will speed up the process and help you feel connection and growth, much sooner than trying to figure it out on your own. I hope this episode gives you the direction you need. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

24 Jan 202333min

77. 5 MUSTS to Overcome Pornography Addiction Within 90 Days

77. 5 MUSTS to Overcome Pornography Addiction Within 90 Days

Eliminating your pornography addiction in 2023 would be a dream come true (literally) for so many men who are struggling. In this episode, I share with you the 5 things you need to do in order to make that a reality. Instead of spending 3-5 years fighting against the triggers and temptations, follow the blueprint in this episode for rapid success by dealing with the core of the issue and getting the right tools. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

9 Jan 202325min

4 Pillars of Communication That Work in Any Relationship

4 Pillars of Communication That Work in Any Relationship

Podbean info: Often times, couples get stuck in the same old arguments and fights, but there is a better way!  On this new podcast episode, I sit down with expert therapist, Tony Overbay, where we we discuss his 4 pillars of successful communication and how to effectively problem-solve without fighting.  Listen and learn how to speak to your spouse in a way that is heard and understood, and most importantly, how to create a healthy relationship dynamic with your partner.  You can find more resources, podcasts, trainings and workshops by Tony if you visit his website www.tonyoverbay.com For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

29 Dec 202254min

How to Heal Individually and In Your Marriage Faster (and More Thoroughly)

How to Heal Individually and In Your Marriage Faster (and More Thoroughly)

Overcoming a pornography addiction and repairing a relationship can feel overwhelming and impossible at times. So often people try their very best, but are unable to achieve the results they are hoping for. Instead of doing more, in this podcast episode, I share with you a much more effective approach that actually requires less effort and intensity while actually bringing greater results.  So if you’re tired of being on the same roller coaster for years, check out this episode two discover how to get off the painful ride.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

22 Dec 202217min

The #1 Factor Between Healthy and Unhealthy Couples

The #1 Factor Between Healthy and Unhealthy Couples

Announcement! I created a free, private Facebook group for men who want to find freedom from pornography and have a strong marriage. Each week, I host a live training on topics like how to effectively overcome temptations and triggers, relapse prevention, finding relief from guilt and shame, reclaiming your self worth, rebuilding trust and connection in your marriage, and how to avoid fights and relationship problems (without needing 12-step, filters on your electronics, therapy for years, and willpower). You can join the free Facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit In this episode, renowned researcher and author, John Gottman, revealed the number one indicator that determines whether a couple is healthy or not. We'll be exploring how couples can use this factor to build a strong foundation for their relationship and learn how to keep their connection thriving. Tune in to find out what this key factor is and how you can use it to strengthen your relationship. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

16 Dec 202222min

ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE MEN (sorry ladies)

ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE MEN (sorry ladies)

You can join the free Facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit

12 Dec 20225min

Instead of Guilt and Shame to Avoid Slips, Do This Instead

Instead of Guilt and Shame to Avoid Slips, Do This Instead

When a man struggles with the pornography addiction, it’s very easy for him to spiral into shame and guilt, which unintentionally can set him back up for another relapse. In this episode, I share with you some very important research about how much more effective response to mistakes or slips to help propel you forward on the path of being successful. Self-compassion is often confused with self-licensing, and in the episode, I talk about how a husband can respond to himself in a compassionate way, which reinforces his commitment to overcoming his addiction.  I also share how a wife can respond without giving him license to continue to fall back into the same patterns.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

8 Dec 202224min

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