EP 129: Dorian Evers — How to Navigate Different Stoke Levels in Your Relationship, and Getting Vulnerable with Your Partner

Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.

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Show Notes:

thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers

Nuggets:

0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms

0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice

0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy

0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships

0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian

0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity

0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?

0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner

0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships

0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know

0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest

0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners

0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience

0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner

0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable

1:05:10 – Active listening skills

1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner

1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously

1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them

1:18:30 – Staying in the room

1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”

1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?

1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”

1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip

1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship

1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing

1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship

1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation

1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner

1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist