How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends | Dr. Marisa G. Franco

How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends | Dr. Marisa G. Franco

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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Did you know that having friends can make you less depressed? One survey found that the average American had not made a new friend in the last five years but 45% of people said they would go out of their way to make a new friend if they only knew how.


Our guest today, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, has written a bestselling book about how understanding your own psychological makeup and attachment style can help you make and keep friends. Franco is a psychologist and a professor at the University of Maryland. Her book is called Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends.


This is episode three of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair.


In this episode we talk about:

  • Why friendship is undervalued in our society (while romantic love is overvalued) and why this is damaging on both a societal and individual level
  • The impact of technology on our relationships as explained by something called “displacement theory”
  • The biological necessity of social connection and the devastating physiological and psychological impacts of loneliness
  • Attachment style and its relationship to our friendships
  • What you can do to make friends, including being open or vulnerable (without oversharing)
  • How to reframe social rejection
  • The importance of generosity
  • How to handle conflict with your friends
  • The difference between flaccid safety and dynamic safety in your friendships
  • When to walk away from a relationship
  • How to make friends across racial, gender, and socioeconomic lines
  • How to deal with social anxiety
  • And how our evolutionarily wired negativity bias can impact the process of making friends



Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/marisa-g-franco-561

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Bill Hader on Anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, and Leaning into Discomfort

Bill Hader on Anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, and Leaning into Discomfort

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- The star of SNL and Barry discusses how he channels his anxiety into his work. Plus, an imitation of Joseph Goldstein. Bill Hader has made the transition from being a master of stand-out characters and impressions on eight seasons of Saturday Night Life to becoming a true multi-hyphenate by creating, directing, writing, producing and starring as a burned-out assassin trying to break into Hollywood as an actor in HBO’s award-winning and critically lauded dark comedy, Barry. In this episode we talk about: How Bill deals with anxiety His panic attack on live television His love of directing and the importance of having the right collaborators Full Shownotes:https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/bill-hader Additional Resources: Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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Esther Perel on the One Thing That Will Improve the Quality of Your Life

Esther Perel on the One Thing That Will Improve the Quality of Your Life

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. ---- The renowned psychotherapist talks about the importance of accountability in generosity in her own life, and the one thing you can do right now, today, to make yourself happier. Esther Perel is a psychotherapist and bestselling author. She has a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are huge bestsellers. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? In this episode we talk about: How to get around the obstacles that hinder connection with other people  The role of conflict in relationships and why we shouldn’t be afraid of it Ways to get better at experiencing anxiety or discomfort so that you can better handle the ups and downs of life And the simple thing you can do right now to make yourself happier  Related Episodes: Can Anxiety Be a Gift? | Dr. David Rosmarin Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness | Dr. Robert Waldinger How to Keep Friendships From Imploding | Esther Perel Mating in Captivity | Esther Perel Love in the Time of COVID | Esther Perel Esther Perel: Turning Conflict Into Connection Esther Perel on the Other A.I.: Artificial Intimacy (SXSW 2023) Sign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Ten Percent Happier online bookstore Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/esther-perel-non-negotiables Additional Resources: Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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The Science of Making — and Keeping — New Year’s Resolutions | Hal Hershfield

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New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. ---- A leading behavioral psychologist reveals practical strategies to help you actually make the changes you want to make this new year (and beyond). Hal Hershfield is a professor of marketing, behavioral decision-making, and psychology at UCLA’s Anderson School of Management, and the author of Your Future Self: How to Make Tomorrow Better Today. His research on future selves has been featured in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Washington Post, as well as the Harvard Business Review and Psychology Today.  In this episode we talk about: What he means by a future self, and why thinking about your future self will help you make better decisions How to think about your future self without neglecting the present moment The importance of commitment devices, and what they are — including some which you can even adopt right now The importance of breaking down big goals to make them achievable How to reframe commitments so that you actually stick to them The role of mental time travel to help you actually do what you say you want to do Related Episodes: How to Change Your Habits | Katy Milkman Atomic Habits | James Clear Sign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Ten Percent Happier online bookstore Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/hal-hershfield Additional Resources: Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

25 Dec 20231h 5min

How to Actually Be Present | Matthew Brensilver

How to Actually Be Present | Matthew Brensilver

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Tackling one of the best known contemplative clichés: being in the present moment and “inhabiting the now.” Matthew Brensilver, MSW, PhD, teaches retreats at the Insight Retreat Center, Spirit Rock and other Buddhist centers.He was previously program director for Mindful Schools and for more than a decade, was a core teacher at Against the Stream Buddhist Meditation Society. Before committing to teach meditation full-time, he spent years doing research on addiction pharmacotherapy at the UCLA Center for Behavioral and Addiction Medicine. Each summer, he lectures at UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center on the intersections between mindfulness, science and psychotherapy. Matthew is the co-author of two books about meditation during adolescence and continues to be interested in the unfolding dialogue between Buddhism and science. In this episode we talk about: What being present actually means  What to do when Buddhist teachings or meditation instructions feel out of reach What to do when a memory arises in meditation, especially a difficult one  The brain's, at times, exhausting, evolutionarily wired tendency toward constant prediction The benefits of going on meditation retreats Distinguishing between true alarms and false alarms Related Episodes: Why Self-Hatred Makes No Sense | Matthew Brensilver Sign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Ten Percent Happier online bookstore Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/matthew-brensilver-rerun-2023

22 Dec 20231h 5min

For the Burned Out, Fried, and Exhausted | Emily & Amelia Nagoski

For the Burned Out, Fried, and Exhausted | Emily & Amelia Nagoski

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- A slew of evidence-based, ready-to-try-today interventions we can use to “complete the stress cycle.” Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestseller Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. She has a MS in counseling and a PhD in health behavior, both from Indiana University. She’s also the co-author of Burnout: The Secret To Unlocking The Stress Cycle.    Amelia Nagoski holds a DMA in conducting from the University of Connecticut. An assistant professor and coordinator of music at Western New England University, she regularly presents educational sessions discussing the application of communications science and psychological research for audiences of other professional musicians, including “Beyond Burnout Prevention: Embodied Wellness for Conductors.” She is the co-author of Burnout: The Secret To Unlocking The Stress Cycle In this episode we talk about: The three characteristics of burnout The difference between addressing stressful circumstances in our lives and dealing with the actual physical experience of stress What they call the “real enemy” How to create a “bubble of love” The evidence-based interventions you can try right away  Related Episodes: Optimizing Your Stress | Modupe Akinola Sign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Ten Percent Happier online bookstore Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/nagoski-2023-rerun

20 Dec 20231h 10min

The Science of Training Your Attention | Dr. Amishi Jha

The Science of Training Your Attention | Dr. Amishi Jha

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- How to stay focused, fight distraction, and function at your peak. Dr. Amishi Jha is a professor of psychology at the University of Miami. She serves as the Director of Contemplative Neuroscience for the Mindfulness Research and Practice Initiative, which she co-founded in 2010. Dr Jha is the author of the national bestseller, Peak Mind.  In this episode we talk about: What peak mind is Why meta awareness is important to practice and achieve peak mind The suite of mindfulness-based attention training practices Why humans developed attention in the first place Using the flashlight and floodlight metaphors to help us understand different types of attention The mental pushup for attention: focus, notice, and redirect The attention benefits for high stress populations who engage in contemplatives practices Multitasking vs. monotasking The real life and death consequences of confirmation bias Part of the reason why we may be experiencing a crisis of attention  Giving our mind the freedom to choose where it goes next Related Episodes: Why You Can’t Pay Attention - And How to Think Deeply Again | Johann Hari Sign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Ten Percent Happier online bookstore Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/amishi-jha-rerun-2023

18 Dec 20231h 11min

5 Ways To Get Over Yourself | Pascal Auclair

5 Ways To Get Over Yourself | Pascal Auclair

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Understanding the Buddhist concept of “the five aggregates.“ Pascal Auclair has been immersed in the study and practice of Buddhist teachings since 1997. He has participated in retreats in Asia and America with renowned masters from both monastic and secular backgrounds. Pascal completed four years of teacher training with Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield of the Insight Meditation Society in Massachusetts and Spirit Rock Meditation Center in California. Pascal teaches mainly in North America and Europe. He is one of the founding members of True North Insight, where he teaches and acts as a mentor. In this episode we talk about: How the five aggregates got Auclair hooked on Buddhist practice and philosophy The five aggregates as a way to work with difficulty Living with the non-negotiable prospect of dying Paying attention to pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral feeling tone Meditation training as a way to understand that experiences are conditional Related Episodes: Seven Buddhist Ingredients for a Happy Mind | Pascal Auclair Dharma Seed Sign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Ten Percent Happier online bookstore Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/pascal-auclair-rerun-2023

15 Dec 20231h 9min

From Happier with Gretchen Rubin | The Happiness Project: Revisited

From Happier with Gretchen Rubin | The Happiness Project: Revisited

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Next year marks the fifteenth anniversary of Gretchen Rubin’s #1 New York Times bestselling book, The Happiness Project. To celebrate, she’s leading a one-time, one-year course called “The Happiness Project: Revisited.” In this bonus excerpt from the course, Gretchen and Elizabeth explore the lessons Gretchen has learned over the years, talk about her plans to do a new happiness project in 2024, and discuss how other people can do their own happiness projects.  You can learn more and sign up here—plus, get 30% off through December 31st with code THPR30DEC.

15 Dec 202312min

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