218: Lashing Out, Shutting Down: How to Help When She’s Triggered

218: Lashing Out, Shutting Down: How to Help When She’s Triggered

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use?

Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornographyhttps://stopporn.info/

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here:

sam@healingcouples.org

Episode show notes:

Even after months of progress, one small trigger can make everything feel like it’s falling apart — a look, a memory, a tone — and suddenly all the safety you’ve been building in your porn addiction recovery feels shaky again.

In this episode, I talk about what’s really happening in those moments when a porn trigger hits and your whole system goes into panic mode. I’ll help you understand why triggers don’t mean you’ve failed, and why they’re actually a normal part of the porn recovery process.

I’ll share the “Falling Tiles” analogy I use with clients to explain what’s going on beneath the surface, and how emotional safety, consistency, and small moments of follow-through are what create real freedom from pornography, not just temporary self-control.

We’ll cover:

  • Why triggers are a normal part of porn addiction recovery — not a setback
  • What happens in your brain and body when old fears resurface
  • How to rebuild emotional safety after a pornography trigger
  • Why trust sometimes collapses even when things are going well
  • How to help your partner feel safe again without convincing or defending

Whether you’re working to overcome porn addiction, heal from pornography use, or rebuild trust in your relationship, this episode will help you make sense of the ups and downs and show you how to find steady ground again — not through willpower, but through understanding, consistency, and connection.

Avsnitt(218)

How She Can Feel More Comfortable Bringing Her Wall Down

How She Can Feel More Comfortable Bringing Her Wall Down

It can be very difficult for a woman to bring her wall down and decide to trust her husband again after there’s been damage due to a pornography addiction or infidelity. One of the scariest things for her is the possibility of getting hurt again by her husband if he relapses, so it’s easy to keep the guard up. The problem is that the more protected she is behind the wall, progress in the relationship can be negatively impacted.  In this episode, I talk about ways to more comfortably bring the wall down, and how to navigate the fear of getting hurt again. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

1 Dec 202224min

When Conversations Break Down Because She Doesn’t Believe Him

When Conversations Break Down Because She Doesn’t Believe Him

When there’s a lack of trust in the relationship due to a pornography addiction, it can be hard for a wife to believe what her husband is saying. So often, there is an impasse in the conversations they have where she feels stuck and he’s not able to move forward because she doesn’t believe him. In this episode I share with you a framework they can help you navigate those tough conversations and difficult moments in order to move forward together and better understand each other. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

19 Nov 202226min

Key Advice For Breaking Free From Self Criticism and Judgement

Key Advice For Breaking Free From Self Criticism and Judgement

Most men who are struggling with pornography addiction are really hard on themselves – they see themselves as bad people, unworthy, broken, or failures. The more somebody is self critical, the more it sets them up to fall right back into the addiction as a way to cope from the pain. This episode reveals one of the most powerful tools to help change how you see yourself, and stop the self shaming that, contributes to depression, anxiety, and other painful emotions. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

11 Nov 202222min

What Does a Neuroscientist Report about Pornography and the Brain? (No Judgement)

What Does a Neuroscientist Report about Pornography and the Brain? (No Judgement)

Does pornography affect the brain neurochemistry? They are finally starting to come out with studies and do research on the impact of pornography has on the brain, and their findings are so important so people can better understand the effects it has.  Dr. Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist and professor at Stanford, shared some important findings in some recent interviews, and in this episode of the podcast, I share with you, some of the takeaways, and how you can apply the latest neuroscience to help you overcome addiction and heal your relationship.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

20 Okt 202230min

Would He Have Ever Changed If He Didn’t Get Caught?

Would He Have Ever Changed If He Didn’t Get Caught?

So often a wife will wonder if her husband would have ever changed and stopped watching pornography if she didn’t catch him. Most of the time the husband starts taking real action after he’s found out, which can be frustrating and hurtful for a wife. In this episode, I answer the question about whether or not, he would have changed and give you some tools to know how to approach the situation in a way that he actually can change so that you can avoid repeated disclosures and discoveries about the same pattern.   For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

13 Okt 202225min

Tools to Handle It When Triggers to Act Out Won’t Leave

Tools to Handle It When Triggers to Act Out Won’t Leave

Triggers and urges for pornography can be completely overwhelming for husbands who are on this journey. There is often a real struggle when the thought to act out surfaces, despite their desire to avoid temptation and relapse.  It’s almost like something outside of them is trying to pull them back into old patterns, and one of the main tools that husbands often use to overcome these triggers, and Temptations is just by trying to willpower their way through, but ultimately will power is a muscle that fatigues and they end up returning to the addiction, despite the best efforts in avoiding it. In this episode, I will share with you too specific tools that you can use in moments of temptation when you get triggered to avoid falling and to ultimately help resolve the reason why it’s happening in the first place.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

6 Okt 202220min

When He Can’t Answer Her Question ‘Why Did You Do This?’

When He Can’t Answer Her Question ‘Why Did You Do This?’

When there has been betrayal due to a pornography addiction, a woman will often ask her husband why he did, how he could have hurt her like that, why didn’t he consider her or the family, etc. There’s one main reason why oftentimes these discussions lead to frustration, defensiveness, and disconnection, and without addressing it the conversations will continue to go nowhere and leave you feeling hopeless and loss. In this episode I discuss how to navigate that conversation in a way that brings closure and understanding so that you can move forward feeling better about the situation and confident that things can be different.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

29 Sep 202220min

She Said He Knew Pornography Hurts Her But Did It Anyways

She Said He Knew Pornography Hurts Her But Did It Anyways

So often a wife will have a conversation with her husband about how much pain his watching pornography causes her. he said is that he will stop the behavior, but then months or years later it’s discovered that he never stopped after all.  She feels hurt and betrayed because she explained how much she is affected by it, yet he continued to watch it despite the conversation. In this episode I talk about how to navigate that situation and how to work through the pain and find healing so that he ultimately can stop the behavior in a sustainable way.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

22 Sep 202227min

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