Happiness Break: How to Be Your Own Best Friend

Show yourself real self-kindness in less than 10 minutes with this self-compassion break guided by psychologist Kristin Neff.

How To Do This Practice:

1. Identify what’s hard right now: Bring to mind a real situation that’s causing you stress, sadness, or self-criticism, something that’s currently difficult. It could be a mistake, a relationship challenge, or a feeling of not being enough.
2. Acknowledge your pain: Notice what’s happening inside you without judgment. Gently name it: “This is hard,” or “I’m really struggling right now.”
3. Remember you’re not alone: Remind yourself that struggle is part of being human. Say something like: “Others feel this way too,” or “It’s normal to have moments like this.”
4. Offer yourself kindness: Bring warmth to the part of you that’s hurting. You might place a hand over your heart, hold your face gently, or clasp your hands. Physical touch helps calm the nervous system and signals care.
5. Speak supportive words to yourself: Say something to yourself that you’d say to a good friend in the same situation like, “I’m here for you.” “It’s okay to be imperfect.” “You’re doing the best you can.”
6. Let the compassion sink in: Take a few slow breaths. Feel your body softening. Notice any sense of calm, warmth, or ease that arises, even if it’s subtle. You can return to this practice anytime you feel overwhelmed or self-critical.

Scroll down for a transcription of this episode.

Today’s Happiness Break Guide:

Dr. Kristin Neff is an associate professor in the University of Texas at Austin's department of educational psychology. She's also the co-author of 'Mindful Self-Compassion for Burnout,' which offers tools to help individuals heal and recharge from burnout.

Related Happiness Break episodes:

The Healing Power of Your Own Touch: https://tinyurl.com/y4ze59h8

A Self-Compassion Meditation For Burnout: https://tinyurl.com/485y3b4y

Tap into the Joy That Surrounds You: https://tinyurl.com/2pb8ye9x

Related Science of Happiness episodes:

How to Stick to Your Resolutions in 2024: https://tinyurl.com/mub9z9z4

How Holding Yourself Can Reduce Stress: https://tinyurl.com/2hvhkwe6

Why We Need Friends With Shared Interests: https://tinyurl.com/bp8msacj

We’d love to hear about your experience with this practice! Share your thoughts at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or use the hashtag #happinesspod.

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Transcription: https://tinyurl.com/3eep76z6