From Trauma to Tools: Reframing Your Story (Freud vs. Adler)

"Fear isn’t a fact. Rewrite what 4–12 taught you and build the unbreakable you."

When do confidence and resilience actually form, and how do you rebuild them as an adult?

In this Unbreakable banter episode, Kait and Josie unpack the science behind formative years (0-5 for resilience, 4-12 for self-confidence), why we get stuck in “this is just who I am,” and how to cross the bridge from Freud (past explains you) to Adler (you choose what it means).

You’ll hear practical, zero-fluff tools: how Kait handles stage nerves (hello, sweaty palms + Singapore talk), why your reticular activating system (RAS) only sees what you focus on, and the small, boring habits that actually move mountains.

We also show the exact decks and prompts Kait uses with clients, affirmations, strategy cards (Sun Tzu), and reflective questions, to turn insight into action.

What you’ll learn:

The timeline of resilience (0–5) and self-confidence (4–12) and how to repair shaky foundations

Freud vs. Adler in plain English: stop reliving; start reframing

Fear ≠ fact: managing your amygdala and keeping your prefrontal cortex online

RAS 101: program your brain to notice what helps, not what harms

Micro-habits that compound (water, sleep, one honest conversation, one page of journaling)

Tools we use: affirmation prompts, The Art of War cards, We’re Not Really Strangers reflection deck

Boundaries vs. walls: how to give feedback, receive it, and keep relationships intact

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Mentioned:

The Four Agreements (Don Miguel Ruiz)

Relentless & Winning (Tim Grover)

The Body Keeps the Score (Bessel van der Kolk)

We’re Not Really Strangers – Self-Reflection deck

Sun Tzu – The Art of War (applied as strategy prompts)

🎙️ Be on the show: have a thorny leadership/life question you want coached live? Drop us a DM or comment “COACH ME” and we’ll reach out.

If this helped, subscribe, ring the bell, and share with a friend who’s ready to stop running and start rebuilding.

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In this Episode:

00:00 Confidence & resilience timelines (0-5, 4-12)

00:47 Welcome & life updates (moves, vacuums, steamers)

04:06 Listener Q: “How do I stop running from my past?”

06:46 Freud vs. Adler: the pivot from “stuck” to “choice”

08:12 Kait’s first public share on abandonment & why it mattered

10:36 Triggers & scent memory (why a crayon can calm you)

12:33 Reframing without retraumatizing

19:21 Mindset programming: weekly tasks that change wiring

21:21 “Confidence built by 12?” What that really means now

22:10 Stage fear, biology, and self-coaching in real time

24:26 “This is the Work” (workbook and how to use it)

25:55 Micro-habits - massive overhauls

27:14 Tools demo: affirmation deck

30:07 Strategy deck: The Art of War made useful

32:48 Reflection deck: prompts that actually land

36:20 The counselor comment that shaped perfectionism

38:13 Writing Unbreakable & finding your voice

41:40 Singapore speaking & embracing the stretch

42:42 Doing hard things on purpose