Ask Uncut - My BF Is Secretly Writing A Book And I’m The Villain

Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer all of your deep and burning questions! Britt wants Laura’s take on the now viral ‘fart’ response that our friend received after letting a date down. Laura’s been gifted something so beautiful from a lifer but they’ve left no info for her to be able to say thank you!

Vibes for the week:
Britt - Watching You on Stan
Laura - DoHonest Baby Car Camera

Then we jump into your questions!

I’M NOT IN HIS HYPOTHETICAL FUTURE
Hey guys, just want your opinion on whether I'm reading too much into this! I've been with my bf for 10 months now. We met on Hinge and we're both in our early 30s. He is 2 years younger than me but we are both committed to a serious relationship. I've noticed that whenever he talks about future hypotheticals, he doesn't include me in them and often references a hypothetical woman in his future. For example, we were talking about my friend's upcoming wedding and he said "I think I would enjoy planning my wedding, I like being able to decide on things." I would've thought he would say "planning *our* wedding" since it would sound so much sweeter? Another example, we were talking about whether we wanted children and he said "I like the idea of kids but if hypothetically, I find out that my future wife is unable to have kids then I wouldn't be upset by it as I choose her over my desire for kids". Meanwhile I'm thinking so I'm not your future wife?? I'm worried that he doesn't see long term potential with me and hence doesn't include me in future scenarios. Am I overthinking this?

I FOUND OUT MY BF IS SECRETLY WRITING A BOOK BASED ON OUR RELATIONSHIP AND I’M THE VILLAIN
I was looking on my bf’s laptop recently for some old photos and I saw a file titled ‘Novel’. I was curious, so I obvs looked. We have been together for years and aren't overly protective of our devices so this didn’t seem like a big deal. What I found has really confused and upset me. It’s a book he is writing (I know he likes to write but I didn’t even know he was writing a book) and it is basically a detailed account of our relationship... but with some added drama/fiction but he's made me the villain! WTAF!? I’m portrayed as a manipulative, narcissistic bitch, while his character is this amazing hero. I feel weird and betrayed. Do I have a right to say something, be angry, or is this just creative freedom and it means nothing?

CHRISTMAS GIFTS ON SALE
We are in a family Christmas draw with the extended family, with the budget being $100 each. I always try to spend as close to $100 as possible, a few dollars over or under depending on what I can find. My question is…if you purchase something on sale (say Black Friday) do you pocket the savings or do you then buy something else to make up the difference? I think if I bought the person something that is originally $100 but on sale for $80 I should then buy something to go with it for $20 but my partner thinks because we have found the sale and the retail price is $100 that $20 savings is ours…what’s your thoughts on this petty argument??

THE REAPPEARING EX
My ex and I broke up about 18 months ago. It was rough. I was pretty blindsided. We were literally looking at rentals the day before he ended it. We had no contact for over a year, both dated other people, and I genuinely thought we’d never speak or see each other again. Then about six weeks ago, he reappeared (classic Instagram follow request) and since then, we’ve been chatting here and there. We’ve slept together three times, and we’ve both said we don’t want a relationship, but we’ve kind of slipped into a rhythm of seeing each other weekly. I don’t love him like I used to, but I’m self-aware enough to know this could be a slippery slope as I was so deeply in love with him at one point. I enjoy the comfort and familiarity, but I keep asking myself is this emotional maturity, or just a disaster waiting to happen?

I’ve had to hide it from most of my friends. They were there through the breakup and have said they’d be really upset if I ever spoke to him again. I told one, and she said she was disappointed that she’d never do something like this if she was single. That really hurt, especially with me being the only single one in the group and they all have partners to go home to, while I’m single and sometimes lonely.

Since that breakup, I’ve done a lot of work on myself. I see a therapist weekly and have spent real time understanding my patterns, boundaries, and emotional triggers. I'm not sleeping with him to get him back although I’ll never say never to what life brings. I’m not waiting by my phone, I don't text, and he’s the one driving an hour and a half to see me each time. The ball feels although it is in my court this time and that feels strangely healing.

How do I approach this with my friends without feeling shamed/judged for making my own choices? Do I just continue to keep it quiet? And am I being naïve to think I can handle this consciously and casually, or is it okay to embrace something familiar for now? I’m still dating and meeting people, but I worry that by spending time with my ex, I might subconsciously put less effort into finding someone new.

Laura mentioned our episode with Matthew Hussey

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Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne

Produced by Keeshia Pettit

Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford

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