Enneagram and Marriage13 Nov 2025

FREE Subscriber Series: Family Systems: The Pursuer-Distancer Dance & Your Enneagram Type

Ever feel like the more you try to connect with your spouse, the more they pull away? Or maybe you're the one who needs space while your partner wants to talk everything through? This is the pursuer-distancer dance, and it's one of the most common patterns in marriage. In this episode, we'll explore how your Enneagram type influences which role you naturally fall into. Heart types (2, 3, 4) often become pursuers, seeking connection and reassurance. Head types (5, 6, 7) frequently take the distancer role, needing space to process. Body types (8, 9, 1) can go either way depending on their specific type and stress level. But here's the key: when you understand YOUR type's fear and your PARTNER's type's fear, you can break this exhausting cycle. We'll give you one simple practice to try this week that interrupts the pattern—and it starts with doing the opposite of what feels natural. Whether you're a Type 2 who pursues when anxious or a Type 5 who distances when overwhelmed, you'll learn how to create connection without the chase. Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Leave Christa a podcast question anonymously by sending an MP4 recording to enneagramandmarriage@gmail.com. Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Avsnitt(608)

What Your Spouse Can and Can't Hold (Mind the Gap!)

As we're talking about all month, every marriage has gaps and seasons where connection runs thin or a need goes unspoken for too long. As you're learning to healthily differentiate, don't move so far ...

19 Aug 21min

Grief, Remarriage, and the Love That Lasts, with Clarissa Moll, 6

⁠⁠⁠This is a special and tender episode to close our month on what our spouses can and cannot carry for us, because some things, like grief, are simply too heavy for any one person to hold alone. Chri...

17 Aug 33min

Your Virtue, Your Vice, and Awakening to Your True Purposes

So much of what we hand our spouse to fix is really our own inner work in disguise. In this episode, Christa turns to two of the most useful words the Enneagram gives us: your vice and your virtue. Yo...

12 Aug 22min

The Blind Spots Between Us, with Beatrice Chestnut, 2

Christa welcomes the beloved Beatrice Chestnut, one of the most respected voices in the Enneagram world, for a rich conversation on the three centers of intelligence, the body, the heart, and the head...

10 Aug 53min

Where Our Deeper Needs Really Belong with Coach Linda Hannigan, 3

This week Christa welcomes Linda Hannigan, 3 (3-1 pairing), an Enneagram and Marriage certified coach, gifted orator, and truth teller whose candor and artistry make her a joy to learn from. Together ...

5 Aug 43min

Feeling Unnoticed in Marriage: What Your Spouse Can't Do for You

So many of us have handed our spouse a job description they were never meant to fill, to notice our every need, validate our worth, provide our purpose, and keep us feeling seen, alive, and whole. And...

3 Aug 23min

The Intimacy of Being Believed In: The Michelangelo Effect

Close partners sculpt one another by drawing out each other's ideal self, as we learn from the Michelangelo phenomenon, we find that couples who idealize each other are more likely to last and even g...

29 Juli 18min

The Body Keeps the Score in the Bedroom: Intimacy, Safety, and Learning to Regulate

We often treat physical intimacy as something that happens only in the moment, but the body carries far more than the moment. It carries our history, our stress, and our old wounds, everything it has ...

27 Juli 19min