Coaching for Leaders17 Dec 2012

68: What Not to Say, with Bonni Stachowiak

Bonni Stachowiak: Teaching in Higher Ed

Bonni is the host of the Teaching in Higher Ed podcast, Dean of Teaching and Learning and Professor of Business and Management at Vanguard University, and my life partner. Prior to her academic career, she was a human resources consultant and executive officer for a publicly traded company. Bonni is the author of The Productive Online and Offline Professor: A Practical Guide*.

It’s understandable that many of us would want to take positive actions to be an effective leader. While positive steps are important, our experience has been that first stopping the things that aren’t working will get you faster results. In this week’s show, we look at what you should stop saying to the people you lead.

What is said: “I don’t mean to be xxxxx, but…”
What you teach people: I likely am whatever I just said that I don’t mean to be

What is said: “But…”
What you teach people: Ignore everything I said before I said the word “but”

What is said: “Well, to be honest with you…”
What you teach people: I’m not always honest all of the time

What is said: “You made me feel…”
What you teach people: Confusion, since nobody can make you feel anything

What is said: Anger expressed at someone bringing bad news, even if they didn’t cause it
What you teach people: Don’t ever bring me bad news

What is said: I’m going to be the devil’s advocate here…
What you teach people: I either like arguing for the sake of arguing or I’m not willing to own my opinions

What is said: Giving your own opinion after asking someone for feedback
What you teach people: You don’t really care about what they think

Bonni also mentioned the 6 Thinking Hats as a model for more effective dialogue

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